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Day 2: Are you really kidding me?!?

boogeymom's picture

So, last night, Skids were out of control. Finally, DH had had enough and got really mad at them and started yelling. Well, SS12 decided he was going to call DH's parents on his cell phone to tattle tale on him because he was being "so mean" and he "didn't want to stay here with us." (To bad every time he says that, he has his bluff called when one of us says, "Fine, on MOnday I'll go down to the courthouse and make it so you won't come here anymore. See ya." Then, naturally, SS12 starts crying and says, "Noooo! I want to come here, I want to be with you!" Anyway...) Of course, SS12 is a total drama-queen and apparently made it sound like they were in mortal danger. I was just getting out of the shower when I heard my DH talking on the phone with M-I-L about these two a-hole kids, it was heated. My in-laws still treat these kids like they're 3 and 5 years old, by the way, and of course when DH and B-I-L were growing up, if they behaved like the Skids do now, that was a punishin'. But now DH is too hard on the Skids when he does the exact same things his parents did when he was a kid. I heard just enough of the conversation (i.e. "I'm doing exactly the stuff you used to do, and now it's wrong?...Yeah I've heard you yell at them too, so don't tell me you don't,") to know who it was.

So after the whole conversation where nothing got resolved because no one was willing to concede, what happens this morning at 11:00 a.m.? Uninvited, my in-laws "drop by" because they're "in the neighborhood." His parents are NEVER in our neighborhood because 1) they live 45 minutes away, and 2) they're afraid of multi-culturalism (we're pretty much in the minority being white), so as soon as I knew who it was, I was like, holy shit, are you joking? They've come by to make sure the Skids aren't dead. Sure enough, it only took about 5 minutes after M-I-L made sure to give us plastic sheets for SS10's bed (really?) before they launched into how DH needs to be more patient, and he's doing everything wrong, and that the Skids are just little guys and they need more patience (aka they should be able to get away with whatever they want all the time). I had to get dressed and brush my teeth, etc. because I was really going to say something nasty and there would've been a fight, and I don't like that. I knew what was next would be something about how I'm not a parent, so I'll never understand, etc. (PS, I have a Master's Degree in Early Childhood Special education, I've had many behavioral plan successes, and I've been working with kids for 20+ years...and I'm only in my early 30's, so tell me I don't know how to make kids behave when I want to.) So when I was ready, I came out and was like, "Okay, well we've got a ton of stuff going on today, so..." They left because they said they had to go up to Longmont (about an hour in the opposite direction from us in Denver...that's probably a 20 minute drive from their house right outside Boulder). They're leaving and they start coddling these kids saying, "Just listen and behave, okay?" I said, "Oh, it's not going to be a choice because we're taking the house back. Anyway, have fun in Longmont." I'm trying not to spit at this point.

So, I've decided that yes, taking back the house is in order, and I'm not even consulting DH about it. It's time for a good old-fashioned behavioral plan that I do with your average 7 year old with behavioral problems. I'm printing it out, implementing it, and I don't care what ANYONE has to say about it. The cell phones will be removed from their possession first thing in the door, they'll have to earn them back, and if they use them to call and tattle tale for making them actually do things that 10 and 12 year olds are expected to do, phones are taken away again. They have to earn their priveleges and act like their ages. Period. Printint it out...now.

Comments

Lalena75's picture

Sopunds like a perfectly good plan imo. I still don't stand by the "you don't have kids you don't understand" crap heard a perfectly hilarious comedian last night who has no kids and had some great insight to what he sees from the outside of the entitlement generation. Adults who act like PARENTS do not have had to of #1 donated the sperm or #2 pushed that child into this world Parent is a state of being not genetics.

shielded2009's picture

Good grief...

Wow...

Your DH needs to set boundaries for his folks, seriously...Dropping by is a complete no-no...My MIL tried to do that when DH and I got married, and she never got passed the front door...Seriously...That was the first and LAST time she did that...And I shared with her and the rest of his family my #1 house rule..."The doorbell is a request, not a requirement. If you show up on my doorstep unannounced and you see cars in the drive, lights on, and hear voices and nobody opens the door...Don't take it too personally...You have been warned" It's said in a joking way, but trust...We're dead serious...

Another boundary that needs to be established (which will be the hardest) is them inserting themselves in your DH's and your parenting...

I know it's irritating as hell...

boogeymom's picture

Yeah, tell me about it, they've been inserting themselves into DH's pareting ever since I've known him. I told DH I did NOT appreciate the little drop-in visit this morning, and last night I told him his parents need to be cut-off for a little while because they have begun to get totally out of control with their habitual line-stepping when it comes to his kids. I don't like it when ANYONE just drops in, including my best friends and my own parents. They all know to call ahead of time so they can make sure we're home, and also to just let us know they're on their way. For real, it's common courtesy, I thought. This happens majorly twice a year...usually once over the summer (because the skids go camping with them a lot), and once around January (because they spend a week with the skids between Christmas and New Year's), and he gives them a stern talking to about how he's the parent and they're not...but they've NEVER just dropped by before unnanounced, so this is an entirely new area. I have a terrible feeling that once F-I-L retires next year, he at least will be "dropping by" a lot more often. I think it's totally okay for grandparents to be involved and support the parents...but by backing them up, not basically telling the kids that they don't have to listen to DH. Even MY parents totally back DH up when the Skids are acting up. AND me. That's why they listen to my parents and behave like the Golden Children when they're at my parents' house...because they KNOW they're outnumbered by a lot, and that's why when the in-laws are around, they act 10 times worse, because they think the in-laws have the final say, even in our house. I'm pretty sure the expression on my face, along with my extremely cool behavior towards them got the message through that I didn't appreciate it...but they'll still do it nonetheless, even if DH says something to them. I can see this beginning to spin wildly out of control sooner rather than later.