I trusted SD31. I loved her and believed she loved me. I was wrong. She used me for the material things she could get from me. One of those things was the small house I paid cash for after working my ass off for throughout my twenties and thirties. When H accepted a position out of state, I foolishly allowed SD and her two young children to live in my house rent FREE for almost five YEARS. I left a fully furnished house and returned to a nightmare. 
 

I'm relieved to have gotten my house back without a court order. Hell, I'm grateful she didn't make good on her threat to burn it down. I'm now thanking my lucky stars the house suffered the storm damage responsible for the need of major repair/restoration/renovation. 
 

Before repairs began, I returned as her guest to my house and saw the shape the house was in. It was then that I knew she had to go...

Nothing was maliciously damaged; however, nothing had been cared for or maintained, either. Or cleaned. She vacuumed the carpet regularly, but never (literally, never!) cleaned things like bath tubs, oven, refrigerator, windows, etc. I'm talking about five years of living with two small children and two huge dogs (dogs she never approached me about)  She broke so many things of mine, never told me and didn't replace them. Big things. Things like my riding lawn mower, a brand new-in-the-box pressure washer for the house's siding, washing machine, my freakin' furniture! 

Mid renovation/repair - water shut off for non payment $98 While She’s In the apartment my insurance is paying for, including all utilities!! 

Electricity two days from being cut off for non-payment (two months) $370

$470 (for unpaid utilities) later...

Storm door - broken

Baseboard wood missing/cracked

Front porch - falling down. Affixed remnants indoor carpet to floor of porch - rain soaked. 

New Steps on back deck - nailed carpet to top step. Water rotted wood(?)

Wood on windows - needed paint. Now rotting.

Dishwasher leaks / kitchen floor

Washing machine - broken. Replaced w/ rusted and wanted to take w. Should have let her

Bathtub faucet - broken

Stopped pest control - fleas roaches mice and $150 to “restart” regular pest control

Blood stain carpet 8x10”

Toilet seat MBR - broken

Holes in brand NEW wall in den, behind MBR door

Cabinet door falling off - broken hinge

Refinished bathtubs - permanent markers 4’x3’ feet and blue drips in MBaR

Lied about leaf guard - gutters never cleaned out

Riding lawn mower - broken and in three separate pieces

New in-box Honda pressure washer - broken

Microwave - broken/gone

Couch & loveseat - broken/gone

Window Treatments - gone

Shower rods & curtains - gone

Bath towels - gone

Kitchen pots, pans, silverware, utensils - gone 

Glasses - Gift from family - gone

Cordless phone - gone

Landscaping omg - trashed. Five years abject neglect. Pool, Railroad ties changed. Five years’ growth 

$5500 spent on unpaid utilities and repairs to the house so far. Have not yet replaced purloined or broken items

Have not yet begun to assess landscaping destruction and neglect.

I'm not a rich woman. I had to take monies from my retirement account to pay for the damages repaired so far. DH told me five years ago that it was a "Bad Idea" to allow her to stay in the house, but I thought otherwise. DH is the one who told her she had to leave and dealt with her verbal temper tantrums on the phone. He has been supportive of me throughout this mess, and I know it hurt him, too. Her words and actions would make even Jerry Springer fans blush.

it has been worse than horrid. She is now lying to other family members about how and why she was asked to leave. I'm not concerned about her lies; I am concerned about her attempts to drag other people into it. I'm not even sure why I care.

which leads to my question to anyone who has read this far. I had what I thought was a loving, trusting relationship with her for almost 20 years. I now understand the saying "the wife is the last to know" about a cheating spouse. Trust is a huge element in any relationship, right? But I digress...

How do I disengage from this narcissistic bully who I believed to be a kind and loving person? We have not spoken since H and I returned to assess and repair the house. The only communication has been malicious texts and social media posts from her. To those of you who have successfully disengaged, how long does it take? How do you deal with your own anger, disappointment, disillusionment and sadness? I feel gut-punched and then fury. Ten minutes later, I want to defend against the lies she's spreading! Hell, I want to punish her, exact revenge, see instant karma! I'm so torn. 
 

true disengagement -- how?