Hello! So just a little bit about myself and my situation, I'm 25 and I am raising my three step children all under ten with my partner for two years and sometimes, it is really fudging hard. 

Hence why I came looking for a bit of support and recently joined this forum and opened my first discussion about how difficult it is to love children like they are yours but knowing never really will be. Also, about the ultimate and what seems to be the universal battle of Biological Parent vs Step Parent, and my eyes were opened at the similar responses I received. The three major points I received in short were:

1. You are in for a lot of heart break because your kids will turn on you and hate you. 
2. Their mother is going to poison them against you and they are going to hate you because they will always want her not you. 
3. You are doing a good job and seem very maternal so maybe you should have your own kids. 

Though these are all very good points and a clear warning to the future, I can't help but ask, does it have to be this way? Scrolling through the blogs and forums, it really does seem that there is this huge community of people living in hostility. Step families are growing and growing in number in the U.K. and its rare these days to meet someone who doesn't have a child with a previous partner.

So I guess my question is, does it all have to be so black and white? Do your step children have to eventually grow up and turn on you? Does it really have to be that inevitable? Also, are biological parents not at risk of that kind of heartbreak every day? I know I turned on my mother a good few times as a teenager and could slap myself for doing it now. 

Does my step kids biological mother have to hate me so much that she will eventually "poison" her kids against me? Don't get me wrong, she hates my guts, but is there time to build some form of a relationship so that we are on the same side?  

Also, if I want to put my love and time into children, why not my step children? Why do I have to have my own biological children to mother? Do my step children not need someone to step up and do what it takes? Yes they have a biological mum and I promote that they should be allowed to love their mum, but who will be there for the 98% of the time. 

I guess what I am asking for is proof that there are shades of grey when it comes to being a step parent. I can't help but feel so much for you out there who are suffering in turmoil when it comes to your step children and I think you are very brave, and I hope I will be strong like you one day. I'm just looking for some shades of grey, this can't be a world of absolutes.