SD13's Birthday party and I'm Not His Barbie Doll!
When my first marriage ended, a couple of friends (actually one was ex's former best friend), accused me of being a "trophy wife" to ex. C'mon, 2 kids and 17 yrs. of marriage, and I'm reduced to "trophy wife"...what a nothing is that.
Anyway, H called this morning, about SD13's Birthday Party, which I have decided to attend, briefly, for SD13.
The conversation went like this:
H: Oh, get SD13 a Visa Card, she'll like that.
Me: Ok. We'll just have to tell her it is her Birthday money and not to use it up on everyone else. (SD13 gets taken advantage of-by both her sister, 1/2 sis, BM. She is just waaay too generous-a good trait, but only if you have enough to share!).
H: Wear your skinny jeans.
Me: Oh?
H: Wear your Uggs
Me: oh?
H: Wear your fur coat, too.
Me: Really?-(this is a child's party for crying out loud)
H: Wear your hair curly; I want SD13's friends to see how hot her SM is.
Me: Silence.
What the He!!? I'm a grown woman. I have grown children. And this man is telling me how to dress, how to look, to impress a bunch of 13/14 y.o.'s! Or perhaps, could it be, he is wanting me to impress the ex?
Steamed. I'll wear what I want, and getting the flat iron out as we speak.
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I don't like that
at all. He treats you with so much disrespect and talks down on you like you don't know anything. And THEN he tries to tell you what to wear. Nope. He's an ass and you need to get out of this.
So now H calls back-poor thing is just a paycheck
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
He calls me back-what time is the party?
Me: 1:00
H: oh, I thought it was at night.
Me: No. This afternoon
H: Shows what I know. Nobody told me. I'm just a paycheck.
Excuse me??!! He told SD13 he wouldn't be here. He made the reservations for the room. I'm the one who was told nothing.
If he feels like he's just a paycheck-well, whose fault is that? He's the one who choose to work out of state and leave his D's w/BM. 2 years ago. Long before we were married.
So if he's just a paycheck because he didn't know what time the party was-what does that make me? Again, nothing. Just a piece of furniture. Just a convenient house for him to have w/leeches when he's here.
Again, I'm steamed.
And
then he goes about complaining about how everyone treats HIM!?
Aw... poor poor H. NOT.
What a horrible man.
Maybe you should go out to a club.
Let's go to a club... all us stepmoms! And have fun without our stupid men.
:) Clubbin it is!
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
You don't know how much I would love that...:smile:
Not once
Has my FH ever told me what to wear for any occasion. I have asked his opinion but that is it. What you describe is just another classic sign of an abuser. Control. Honey I can't wait to see your post that he is out of there. And I agree you should get all dolled up and go out and have some fun!
Okay, well
in DH's somewhat defense, my own DH always wants me to look super hot when we go out to. We are going out to his Christmas party tonight and he was telling me how he wants eveyone to see how beautiful I am. Sweet! I'm all about it baby! LOL!
But, if he went on to tell me what to wear, that's another story. And not to mention he wasn't giving suggestions, he was actually telling you what to wear and how to do your hair.....
I remember from one post that his wife's, oh, I mean his daughters hair is usually straight. You can do yours either way, but prefer it straight. I remember that because mine is the exact same! But anyways how you did yours straight, then there comes the wife, I just keep doing that, I mean the SD.......... with her curly hair and your DH made sure to mention how beautiful her nappy head was and looked right at you saying it.
I would never wear my hair curly again I don't care how long it takes to flatten it out.
Anyways, you go get your hair all didded up and slap on that makeup and go show BM how georgus you are.
I'm so saving you a place at the Christmas party so you can come over after and get sloppy drunk with me....
Party's over...
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
When I got there, it was the ex, her mom, and a zillion teenagers.
Actually, everything was fine. The ex introduced to to her mom, SD13 introduced me to her friends. She gave me a great big hug and kiss for coming. I took my camera, and took photos of it all for her. Including a photo of her and her bm. We were quiet cordial, actually.
And I did not wear curly hair. I did not wear a fur coat! Ridiculous-wear a fur coat to a kids swim party? Think I'm old enough to know better than that, H!
Got home, let the dogs out. Let 'em back in. Went into another room, and here comes the dogs. H's little dog has poop on his foot! I go look in the living room, which I had just shampooed a week ago, and H's dog had pooped all over, then walked in it. Now I get to shampoo carpets again, mop floors, again....
Oh well. There is no curly hair in the photo I had the bm take of me & SD13, which I will be emailing to H. He'll see he's not gonna tell me how to style my hair-good grief!
Jen, I would have felt wonderful if he was just telling me to
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
fix up all pretty to go out. It's the Master telling the slave what to do, how to behave, how to look that got me. The remark was "here's what I want you to do." Not, honey, I think you'd look sweet like this or that or the other. Here's what I want you to do.
Anyway, now he's mad at how much money was spent today. Ummm, he told me to pay the c/s, which I did. He told me to give SD13 $XX which I did. He told me what to buy SD13 and SD17 for Christmas gifts today. Which I did. Ummm, I did spend $30.00 at the grocery store, and got myself a Starbucks for the drive home. All the rest was on his kids. Over $500.00. Which H told me to spend. Which I am now having to listen to him whine over. Like I did it.
OMG...how do you keep from killing him?
jk...:-)
No bashing here, ClpSteve-but I'm no submissive
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
In fact, that's one of the reason, H said, that he married me. Becuase I was the first woman he dated that ever stood up to him.
And honestly, I wouldn't have minded if it was something he and I were going to together, and he asked me to wear something, etc.
But he's 4 hours away and telling me how to (overdress) for a kids BG party. Don't think a fur goes well with a childs swim party...but I've over it. I wore what I felt was right, and ignored his demands.
It's one thing when a man
It's one thing when a man says a certain outfit or hairstyle is his favorite and asks that you wear it. It's another when he demands it. My H tried that once or twice and it failed miserably because I won't take orders from any one that isn't paying my salary and even then it only goes so far. As for men knowing better than a woman what looks good I disagree. Also speaking for myself I'm not a chick I'm a woman and proud of it. When I dress up I do it for me not to attract a man or woman's attention. Being a sub or a dom is a person's choice but most times a man that is controlling is an abuser and/or has severe self esteem problems and takes it out on his partner. That's not from redbook or cosmo that's from experience working with abused wives and being a victims advocate.
Betwitched
I'm not going to comment on H ridiculas demands, you know exactly the ass that he is and we are all rooting for you to find a job so you can get out of this mentally draining relationship.
1 question I do want to ask though is which club and when? My dancing shoes are already on :).
Dani=ummm-I'm embarrased to admit that I haven't been to one
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
in so long (H doesn't drink, doesn't like to go places where they drink, unless it's play cards, of curse)that I don't even know which one to go to! It sure isn't here-we don't have anything except the VFW....oh, and a motel bar
So guess you'll have to name the spot-always wanted to go to Australia. And take this as a compliment-love the Australian accents. Love em!
I actually remember my Dad having something of a midlife crisis when I was growing up-he was ready to sell the house and move us all to Australia. Last time I asked him what that was all about, he didn't remember it. But my sisters and I sure do
You, your mum and dad can come live with me.
Kick H out, sell up and I'll be waiting for you at the airport with a big sign saying Bewitched is free at last from the evil H :wink:.
I don't go out dancing as much anymore (everything is just so expensive now days) but still love it. I dance along to music when I'm cleaning the house, BF catches me doing it all the time, he just laughs and thinks I'm nuts, the mop is a great microphone though :).
If there is no pubs or clubs in your area, have a few girlfriends over for drinks and a boogie, it would lots of fun and I granrantee you will enjoy yourself. Dance all the stress and frustration away.
:) Gotta love that, girlfriend
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
I'm gonna start singing when I'm cleanin' (which will scare the dogs-I have a horrible singing voice):lol: