Groundhog Day Christmas
I am going crazy. SS just told us for the w 11 th year in a row to get his kids legos for Christmas. They are girl almost 14, girl 12 and boy 8. We have bought thousands of legos! I told DH I am not buying anymore f- ing Legos. And I never curse out loud! Plus he said he will send their list of Legos tonight. After Black Friday, cyber Monday and all the rest. DH only comment was "now that we missed the sales" to which SS said well nothing they want is on sale. This is why I have come to dread Christmas. Does a 14 year old girl really want Legos? He said she did and their boy, the middle girl wants "a gift card from somewhere" he said. I would be such a good stepmom if I had ever been given the chance. I'd love to take them shopping but we did one year and after that the other grandma hijacked the idea and ruined the special trip for me and DH. This drove me to a Khalua and coffee, hopefully I can move on from them.
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Legos Are King
Taking away all the StepHell BS of gift giving, I'll say this about Legos. My kids LOVED them and played with them til mid teens. I still have all those dang Legos, probably several thousand dollars worth over all the years when the kids were young. Seems Legos were under the tree for many years for both kids. I also have several friends who love Legos. One couple in particular comes to mind. They are in their late 40s, both boys grown and out of the home. They get new "sets" every year for Christmas.
Because they treat you terribly, pass that task to your DH. His kid, his grands....let him get to town and buy the presents or get online.
He will
But when all is said and done they will have legos and gift cards and clothes and stockings and cash, he will pile it all on same as every year, they will spend a couple hours with us and go back to their gaming and tv. It's a whole different atmosphere when my kids come. They bring us gifts and are excited to see if we like them. His family doesn't even look when we open what they gave us, it's all about what they are getting. My kids appreciate and talk about each thing we give them.
Like I Said
aside from all the SK BS. It used to be the same here. It got so bad I'd refer to Christmas as Money Grab Day. Thankfully, we had enough and stopped buying gifts for DHs kids. We offered to do a "name pull" but they didn't want to do that...it would have meant spending money on us...at least one of them. We still exchange gifts with my bios....they have always given DH gifts for all major holidays. My kids spend quality time with DH throughout the year. They have relationships, something DH's kids don't understand due to their deep enmeshment, entitlement and lack of empathy for anyone.
I know adults that love Legos
I know adults that love Legos and all the specific sets are endless. It's not the worst gift, at least they don't all want new iphones!
Waiting until after the sales was pretty rude and what fun is it to get the exact Lego set off a list? My SD15 sends links to what she wants and DH gets it. But what fun is that? There's no room to be thoughtful or to spend time together shopping.
Exactly
I never had trouble getting my kids things. I bought both girls an American Eagle hoodie, thought that was safe, now SS says don't buy the oldest clothes, she only wears what she picks out. He said the youngest wants a gift card. We just gave her one a month ago for clothes on her birthday. That's exactly what we were told then too. BORING. It all just feels like "give us stuff" just because it's Christmas. I find it sad. I have more fun buying for our Angel Tree than my own step family.
I get where you're coming
I get where you're coming from... I felt the same way... yes, adults do have sets- but there's something about it that feels stuck. How have interests not evolved? That's what I used to think... now I just don't care... but I hear you..
Thank you
If I even ever saw them playing with the legos, was sent a picture of one actually assembled, or had any feedback it might be different. For all I know SS is the one playing with them. All we ever see or hear is gaming, drawing, or YouTube. DH told me he threw away a giant tub of their legos they left in his storage building several years ago.
I've said this before and I
I've said this before and I'll say it again....and I know not everyone agrees. But thats ok- each to their own.
I don't buy Christmas presents - it's not a thing anymore now that my kids are grown up.
But if I was in the habit of gift giving, if someone (like your SS) TOLD me what to buy, it would immediately be a HELL NO. In my book you don't tell someone what you want for Christmas. If you happen to get a gift, be damned grateful!
I am the exact way... no more
I am the exact way... no more Christmas gift giving from me and don't tell me what to buy if I do choose to buy a gift; what's the point? I'm over it and I used to looooove spoiling people. It's me and SO's first Christmas together and I confirmed with him last week - NO GIFTS between each other!
OP - If you are still willing to be an active participant, maybe an experience/individual date for each of the kids?
I tried that
We did the individual trip a few years ago then SS mom hijacked the trip idea ahead of us the next year so we stopped. It didn't feel as fun since she gets the first shot. Anyway now the kids barely talk to us so I would feel awkward all day added to the rest of the stress with them. Like you I always wanted to spoil them but honestly getting no feedback ever from our gifts has made me lose interest. We have never seen a single picture that a Lego kit was built and we have never seen any in the house on the few times a year we are there.
Send them off
With a one way ticket to Lego Land. Let them knock themselves out, while you enjoy a skidless holiday.
Lego is easy
My son, now 16, asked for nothing but Lego for 12 years. It made buying gifts for him so easy. Now he's the hardest to buy for.
In lockdown we built all his Lego. Got both kids off devices for hours and we had so much fun. He lives remembering the sets and when he got them and who from.
Then we lent some to a friend recovering from an injury. He was bored, unable to move much and getting depressed. He had a great time and now buys his own sets.
I'm keeping all ours for future generations. My daughter even used a line about the importance of Lego from an AJR song in her graduation speech.
Although it seems boring, if they want Lego, take the easy way out and buy it! It also has great resale value if they want cash.
Lego is not the issue. Your DH and his total withdrawal is the
issue.
So, he wants to buy Lego. Let him figure it out. You get your Skid's gift cards. Call them. Ask them where they want to shop from.
My DW and I are flexible in our gift shopping. For my SKid, for family, for each other. My model is that I guy what I want for the person I am shopping for. What they want... meh. I get them what I want for them. Only rarely have I/we given a gift that SS asked for or wanted. He remembers nearly every one of those gifts. The few we gave what he wanted, he has rare memory of.
I pride myself in not being a lazy gift giver. I put thought in to it, I keep my eyes open, and when I find what I want for a person, when it strikes me, I get it. That can be nearly a year before the event, it can be the day before, and it can be anywhere in between.
This is basically how my parents raised us.
My IL clan are listers. They all create a list, they then each draw a name, and they buy something off of that individual's list. My DW and buy for each of them. Though we buy off of their list.
I think things normalize over time and family's figure it out.
Enjoy doing how you choose. Let DH figure his stuff out.
Good luck.