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Is it time to call it quits??

Becca92's picture

Submitted by Becca92 on Fri, 05/22/2020 - 9:28pm

I need some answers because I'm at my wits end!! I've been married 7 years, have 3 kids. About 2 years ago my DH was able to get his daughter back in his life after 8 years. (Mom ran) so she's been living with us since last June, first few months were great.. but, now the past few months have been nothing but pure hell. I'm miserable, she's 12 but has so many issues she needs counseling. She's jealous of my 9 year old, if my younger 2 are being mean to her or bothering her to make her mad their 7&4 she hits, pushes & calls them names. DH & I have had talks with her and it's always she puts the blame back on them but we have video proof that they are never has mean to her & she is to them to deserve being bullied like that. I told DH next time she's like that I'm done we're separating. He said ok.. well, I think that time has come, when she does something to my 3 my anxiety & BP go up and I'm only 27! Anyone have clear signs or any advice on this?? Thank you 

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Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Fri, 05/22/2020 - 10:01pm

What has your DH done to try and correct the behavior? Has she been to therapy? If you and your DH are able to make a behavior plan, with rewards and consequences, and stick to it, hopefully under the guidance of a therapist, it may work. If he denies the behavior, blames you, or undermines the plan, that's when i would call it quits. Or, if she is so dangerous that you really believe she could harm someone and there is no way to ensure your family is safe. 

Becca92's picture

Submitted by Becca92 on Fri, 05/22/2020 - 11:35pm

He has been "forgetting" to call a therapist because he works. And yeah when shes really irritable or something I have already thought that. I have to protect my kids, don't wanna give her a chance or wait for something to happen and he's on the same page as me when it comes to her behavior. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sat, 05/23/2020 - 7:40am

BM running off and cutting her off from her father was a form of child abuse, and if she still sees BM, no doubt that alienating behavior is continuing to happen. She definitely needs a therapist, but even with one,  the behaviors will likely continue.

Your DH is not doing her any favors by refusing to parent her. She needs a parent.

Don't blame you for not wanting to put up with it, though.