Here's the background.

My boyfriend got married just before he went overseas with the army. The woman he married had a daughter from a different man. My bf was there during the majority of the pregnancy and stepped in as her father figure. Just before the wedding, she had gotten pregnant with a child from my bf. When my bf returned home, he had missed the birth of his child so he did not get as close of a relationship with his child as he had with her other child that is not his. When he returned from afganistan, he got a job working in corrections. When he would come home from work, both girls would have filthy diapers, the house would be a mess, he would do all of the cooking and cleaning. She was a stay at home mom yet did not do anything. He slept on the couch until they talked about their relationship and she decided to leave him. The reason he had stayed so long was because of her other child. He knew that he had no legal rights to her child and knew that she needed him in her life. When she left, she took her first child and left the second one with him. My bf's mom raised his daughter from 6 or 7 months old.

Now I come in.

We met a couple months after they had separated and got close a little too quickly. She had no idea I was in his life although I had both of the girls spent nights at my apartment with us and her first girl had tried to call me mom. I realized after 5 months, although he was a great guy, I decided I wasn't ready for the children in his life and we broke up.

Fast forward 8 months.

My bf and I started talking again and decided to give it another shot. At the time, his ex was living in the same apartment building as him, right across the hall. She was now helping to raise her second child. I became really close to both of her children from spending time with my bf and me and my bf got really close again. This time we decided that I would move in with him in the city he was living in, one hour away from my work. After I moved there, it worked out that she would have his child only while I was working, so it was Monday to Friday about 7 am to 6 pm. I did all the feeding and bathing and bedtimes for the child. I would also typically feed and bath her other child to make sure it was being done. The woman was still a stay at home mom and was living off of EI. Both of th girls were still in diapers at 2 and 3 years old. Yet again, the diapers were not being changed during the day, maybe once until I got home from work. They were always dirty when I got home. Both of the girls had extremely bad diaper rash and the 3 year old had welts on her bottom from the diaper not being changed. Although the 3 year old could pee good on the toilet, she had to wear a diaper because she had issues with having a bowel movement on the toilet. Every weekend when I wasn't working, I would use lots of cream to get rid my my SD's (2 year old) rash. It would be gone by Sunday and then by Monday night would be back. This was every week. During this time we were civil towards eachother. She was using my bf to watch her other daughter while they lived here, he paid for all of the food at their house before I moved in and he would give her rides to the city or the bank or the post office, grocery store, you name it, he did it for her. I started to change that when I moved in.

A couple months after I moved in, she got back together with the 3 year old's father and moved to his house, 2 hours away. We now had to drive there to drop off and pick up both of the girls so they could spend time together because my SD is still living with us. I potty trained my SD during this time to make sure the rashes wouldn't happen. This man seemed good to the girls, clean diapers, clean sippy cups etc. She decided he wasn't treating them good and moved with a friend of hers, also two hours away but in a different direction. While she was living there, my SD got a vaginal infection. It showed up a couple of days after she had been there for a visit. Luckily, she is potty trained. While she was living at her friends house, we potty trained her 3 year old. It was not fair that my SD could wear panties and her older sister couldn't.

I have spent countless hours researching and going to doctors between out home city and the city an hour away, trying to get answers about this infection. Everytime a cream would start working, my SD would have to go to her BM's and she would bring the infection back as bad as it had ever been. I firmly believe this is why it has not yet gone away. We are going on 4 months of this infection with only now actually getting answers about the infection. So I have very strict rules for bath time and clothes that she wears when home and out. Her BM doesn't care about panties that are stained from bowel movements but I throw out any that will not come clean. Needless to say there has been an ongoing battle about my SD's health. I have tried giving her instructions about how to deal with it while she has her and she yelled at my bf that I bark orders at her. So he now gives her the instruction list that I write down for them. She still won't follow them and it gets worse all over again.

A couple weeks ago we realized that her 3 year old would be best with us and she needed a babysitter for 3 weeks while she was working (her first job ever!). Her 3 year old has been absolutely horrible since she has been here. Although she has always had a bad temper, it was usually manageable. It now isn't, so we won't be taking her anymore. It is at the point that I can't even take her out in public. The problem is though that her mom talks bad about me so she feels she should too (at 3 years old!). So what is being said infront of my SD when she is there if this child knows so much. When I see the 3 year old and she is with her mom, she will not even look at me. She goes home tomorrow. She has been a horrible influence on my SD but my SD used to be the most perfect child! Luckily my SD calls me mom and looks at me as her mom, so she doesnt seem to be as bad as her sister.

My SD started calling her mom by her real name in May and of course, this was blamed on me. It doesn't help that she hasn't earned the title of mom in this little girl's mind. I am the one who got my SD to start calling her mom again, but I feel guilty for doing it because how do you explain to a two year old that she has two moms especially when they don't have the attention span for more than a 2 lined 5 page book. I had to repeat and repeat for her to start calling her mom. There was not a single thanks for doing this or anything from her mom or dad!

Because of the hostility between me and her mom, I now refuse to see the woman. I don't pick up my SD or her other daughter and she is not aloud to pick them up at our house. Oh and she moved again, she is now living at her parents house in a differnt city. 4 cities/homes in less than a year.

Anyways, I'm thinking about leaving because I feel that my bf is not supporting me when she talks bad about me to him or to her now 4 year old. He also doesnt back me with how his almost 3 year year old is being raised and has been raised. She was the perfect kid while I raised her. Now that I am working again, he is helping to raise his daughter more and gives into everything which leaves me as the bad parent for not wanting them to go without sleep or throw things in the house. Her and I had it at one point to where she would tell me when bed time was because she was tired and it would be just around when bedtime actually was. She would then sleep until a very decent hour in the morning. Now she wines and cries when it is bedtime and wakes up early. He lets her get up which means I deal with her being winy at night. It's a never ending cycle and nothing is being done even though I keep telling him what needs to happen for it to stop.

Last night, his ex sent me a text and asked if she thought my bf would mind dropping the girls off at a different persons house that is farther away or if she could come and get them at our house. So my response was that my SD had to take a bath and eat before she was able to leave and that she had to be in bed by 8. Her response is "you know I can feed and bath my daughter, right?". She could do it sure, but I don't want her bathing her because of the infection. If she were to go to her place for two nights instead of one, she would probably end up being swollen again and I'd be taking her to the emergency room again in pain.

I am just absolutely fed up with how things are going with both of the kids, with him, with the ex and am not leading a happy life right now. I don't know what to do! I am so close to walking away from the entire situation even though I love my SD and we have had great times as a family. I'm not sure I can deal with things the way they are going and I don't feel that I would want to bring a child into this family the way it is going. I want my child to be good at church and to not own a toy gun. I want my kids to know that bedtime is bedtime, not playtime so that mommy can't hear them. I also want to have consistency which can't happen in this family anymore. I just don't think I want my children being raised the way that these kids are being raised, even when I am around it it is no different eventhough I am trying!

Please someone help me!!!!!