Anxious over nothing and everything all at once.
Last Thursday before skids came on Friday I had a mini-meltdown. Told my SO that I'm just not sure I can do it anymore. No matter if it's a good weekend or a bad one, I still don't look forward to his kids coming. I feel depressed when they are here and just want to hide in my bedroom if I'm home when they are. I hate the mess, noise, excessive money spending, all of it. I had absolutely no idea when I got into this that it would take such a toll on my mental state!! After all, they are 2 young kids, right?!!? How can an 8 and 10 year old affect me so much?!?!? Because it's not the life I wanted. I didn't plan on any of this and you cannot prepare yourself for having kids around when you're not used to it. They are not bad. Actually very well mannered. My problem?? Who knows!! Everything!! I just don't like having them around. Period.
Try explaining that so my SO. He doesn't understand it and I have a very hard time explaining it. I cry because I'm so overwhelmed with it and say I feel "Stuck". And that's exactly how I feel. STUCK. Stuck in this relationship. Stuck with the kids around. Stuck.
I found out by snooping that my SO signed up for an online dating site after my venting session. Guess we're both sick of the situation. Wonder if he's actually goind to use that account or just did it because he was upset with me. Hmmmm... Yet another predicament. We're going to refinance our mortgage on Wednesday and now I'd rather tell him to do it on his own and I'll get my own mortgage too.. Just give up on this whole mess altogether.
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Wow. My guess is, in your
Wow. My guess is, in your case, there is no such thing as a "good" weekend--mess, noise, and excessive spending--sounds like every weekend.
You should never feel "stuck" in a relationship and perhaps you are not meant to be in a relationship with someone who has kids--some people just aren't cut out for it and there is no shame in that. Take some time off, maybe a break would be nice, some dates would be nice too.
Do you feel like a hostage being yanked around based on the whims of your SO? The skids may just be a manifestation of an issue you have with your SO but it only becomes very noticeable when they are around.
If you still want to stay, maybe couples therapy will help. It can put things into perspective and give you insight to yourself that you may not even be aware of.
I would definitely hold off
I would definitely hold off on a refi if he is looking at online dating sites - and I would tell him exactly that. That is a very serious commitment to make to someone whose response to a fight is to go out - even virtually - looking for some "strange!" Sorry to put it so bluntly but if you think a break up is rough, try doing it when you are permanently joined through a financial institution that really could care less whether you are living in the house or not. You are on the hook for the money - ALL of it, not just half - whether he leaves or you leave. The bank will get it from whichever one of you they can find. BAD MOVE unless the relationship is rock solid and looking to stay that way!
^^agreed^^^ Why do men do
^^agreed^^^
Why do men do this crap?? My Ex was having an affair for the last 2 years of our 10 year marriage (unbeknownst to me) the whole time was continuing to do projects to our home, bought a new truck (that I co-signed for)continued using MY credit cards etc. When I did get an annoymous call in regards to the affair and confronted him, he flat out denied it and kept the charade up for another year when I got solid proof of his nonsense and called it quits. WHY?????? Why not just say, "you know I think I'm done, I'm checkin out of this relationship" Why the games??
If your SO is thinking it would behoove him to play these kind of childish games, I would certainly put a screeching halt to anything finacial(ESPECIALLY) that will tether you to him even more than you are now!
DO NOT refinance with your
DO NOT refinance with your name on it. I promise you that will be a mess if you ever want to leave.
True. But since half the
True. But since half the house is mine anyway, I might as well refinance with him. I'd want my half if I did leave since I did most of the renovations. Putting my name on the mortgage won't make things harder. If anything, it will make things easier if it turns out I buy out his half!!
I've just always been so torn about how this will all turn out in the long run.