Tuesdays are long days in our house. FDH and I both go to work during the day, and then, we are out of the house until sometime between 7:00 and 7:30 because I have counseling at 5:30PM (he goes with because sometimes my counselor pulls him into my session with me - the hope is to get him to better understand anxiety in general and my anxiety specifically). SD knows this. This has been the case every Tuesday since November. And it is always written on the calendar in the living room of our house.

FDH told SD yesterday when he checked in with her that we would be back after 7:00, but probably closer to 7:30 because we had to get stuff from the supermarket after counseling. When we got home, though, SD was acting like a naggy little mini-wife. "Where were you?! You said you would be home by 6:00. It's almost 7:30! I've been waiting for you and I'm BORED!"

FDH pulled her aside to talk to her about her boredom but said NOTHING to her about her snotass attitude beyond "I told you when we'd be home, and I'm sorry that you were bored." -_- We both get that it's no fun sitting home by yourself all day, but, SD could have handled it a little better, IMO. He also had to deal with her breaking a rule while on punishment for lying (she is only allowed to use her school laptop for school and he found out she was going on to one of her social media pages during the day yesterday). When they were done talking, they came into the living room where I was and he filled me in on what was going on (he was keeping her cell phone, Xbox, and personal laptop for an extra day and she was bored which is why she was being so nasty).

I looked at SD and said "Well, kiddo, it's Tuesday. And you know that Tuesdays are long days out for us. It's written on the calendar over there so you have a reference when we aren't here. It's not that we don't want to spend time with you, but, there will be days that your dad and I won't be home immediately after work and you already know this. And sorry if you disagree with this, but, it's not our job to entertain you, sometimes you're going to have to entertain yourself. We took you to the library last night and you got two books that you could have been reading to occupy your time while we were gone. And, also, I don't think you were being very appropriate with the way you expressed your problem to your dad. You were very rude and treating him like he was a kid. Hate to break it to you, kiddo, but you're the kid, we're the adults. We don't have to answer to you if you think we were out "too late" and that's just how it is." I was calm and told her this matter of factly. I didn't snap at her, but, i didn't sugar coat anything. FDH just stood there and nodded his head in agreement.

Well, SD freaked out at this, got really sullen and nasty, shooting me death glares. FDH took the dog on a walk and took SD with him. She was worse when they were walking. She starting smart mouthing him about the house rules, saying things like "Who writes up the house rules on a list and gives them to a kid, like, WHO does THAT?!" FDH told her that he's not arguing about the house rules with her because she doesn't have leverage with them. "They're the rules AtMC and I have set for the house and we printed them out for your benefit. You don't have to like them, but you do have to follow them." She started complaining about us being out "too late" again and he told her to build a bridge and get over her attitude, she's allowed to be disappointed that she was home by herself all evening, but, she needs to stop being such a brat about it all, because coming at someone with attitude when you wanted them around to keep you company is no way to ensure that those people are going to want to hang out with you. Honestly, I would have preferred if he had hammered the point that she's the kid and trying to throw her weight around like she's an adult, but, whatever.

FDH did, however, call her out on her severe reaction to my even so much as telling her something she did was potentially wrong. He was being harsher on her about goofing off when she was supposed to be doing school than I was about anything, but, she freaked out on me, not him. SD said that she has a problem with any woman calling her out, whether it's me, her mom, or a female teacher. All women are "bad" in her mind when they call her out on bad behavior (and her having "special snowflake" syndrome doesn't help - meaning she thinks she's so unique and different from every other female that has ever existed). I'm inclined to think it's because of GUBM and FDH and the way they handle SD. GUBM is an asshole, through and through. Whereas FDH is kind of a sucker. He will say yes to anything SD asks. Heck, after I pointed out that she was acting like a mini-wife, when FDH and I were talking later about it, he started trying to take the full blame for SD going mini-wife on him. I told him that I didn't really care because it was her choice to react that way. So she's screamed at by GUBM and given a pass by FDH when she misbehaves. No wonder she hates women calling her out.

So, now FDH has a challenge ahead of him. We both suggested that this is something SD should work through in a counseling setting because she's only 14 and is going to have many more instances in her life where a woman will be giving her critcism - and I told her that I'm not going to hold my tongue in my house for fear that she might freak out (because that's just stupid). He suggested that he could TRY to find her a male counselor, so, now he is going to try to find one that deals with kids from 'divorce' situations and has experience with anxiety and abusive homes (because let's face it, GUBM is abusive). Male counselors do exist, but, the majority of cousenlors in our area that deal with the issues SD has to deal with are female. So she might just have to suck it up and deal with a female counselor.

But at least two things are for certain, SD knows that I'm not going to back off of her just because she has a "bad" reaction to women giving her critcism. And she knows that I won't be letting her get away with the mini-wife behavior anymore.