I have to say, I'm impressed with the way FDH is handling SD lately. He and I both know full well that SD doesn't talk to him regularly because of the alienation, but, he made it clear to her without putting the blame 100% on her that he expects to talk to her regularly, even if it is just text messaging each other. She made up some bullshit excuse when he talked to her on Saturday that the reason why she hasn't been responding to his calls or texts is because she was on vacation with GUBM and didn't have her phone for a week. The real reason why she hasn't been in touch? Because she still isn't enrolled in school and GUBM has twisted her perception around to make her believe that FDH would be mad at SD for it, and not GUBM.

He told her that it is unacceptable that she hasn't talked to him about the fact that she still isn't enrolled in some kind of school program, but, he made sure she knew that it was GUBM who shoulders that responsibility, not SD. He didn't blame SD, as well he shouldn't because, hello, she's 13 and not the adult in the house. And he was pretty diplomatic about constructively criticizing GUBM for not enrolling SD into school yet because there is no reason why they couldn't have talked to FDH about their 'dilemma'.

There was no badmouthing, there was not any yelling either. He simply told SD that GUBM or even SD could have reached out to him if it was a question of money because it's not right that SD isn't receiving some kind of education. There are ways, given that there is no custody order, to enroll SD in the online school here in Pennsylvania by making her residency with us. Of course, anyone with two brain cells to rub together will be able to predict that GUBM will freak the hell out over this option, but, considering how much legal trouble she can get into, and the fact that oh, hey, removing your kid from school and not providing her with compulsory education is highly problematic and could result in FDH getting custody were it to ever go to court, she might not fight it that much. Or, she might force SD to go to the awful school where they live.

But, I'm hoping her laziness and inability to actually parent and provide rules, structure, and boundaries will win out in that struggle. However, worse case scenario? She tells FDH that he has to pay the $6000 a year for the online school. But I doubt that GUBM would risk taking him to court to force that because then she'd have to explain why SD hasn't been enrolled in school since January/February.

FDH has some work ahead of him, though. He's gotta get a copy of SD's birth certificate (easy, he just has to contact the records department where she was born and get a copy), the transcripts from the last school she was enrolled in (which might be challenging because he wasn't even listed as a parent with the school - I still fume over that one because wtf, GUBM? - but maybe not, maybe FERPA will back him up), and he's gotta talk to the PA Cyber School people.

And there was some conversation between FDH and SD about her visit in November that evolved into talking about if she ever wanted to live here - she made a comment to him about not wanting to be in the Pine Barrens anymore (I can't really blame her for that, she's not a backwoods kind of kid and it doesn't get much more backwoods than that in NJ), and he said that she could always go stay with her Aunt if she wanted to and go to school with her cousin. I don't know what her response to that was, but, I imagine it wasn't amazing because he then started explaining to her that our house is always an option, too. He said that we can provide her with what she needs and some of the things that she wants in life - because let's face it, she thinks the world owes her everything simply for the fact that she exists - and that it would get her out of the Pine Barrens but it wouldn't be a cut off from GUBM (FDH and I are both sure that GUBM has SD convinced, either directly or indirectly, that her living with us would mean that she would never talk to or see GUBM again because, hi, this is what GUBM has been doing this entire time).

He reminded her that anytime she has visited, she has talked to GUBM regularly and that we wouldn't prevent that and that she would be able to go spend the summers and other time during the year with GUBM when she wanted. He told her that just because she hasn't visited us much during the time we have lived here doesn't mean that she wouldn't be allowed to visit GUBM if she lived here because he and I both believe it is important for a kid to have a relationship with both of their parents.

So, hm. I'm not sure what's going to happen beyond FDH making sure SD gets enrolled in school. As always, my feelings are mixed about SD living here. She deserves the life that we could offer her - she'd be provided for, she'd get an education and a shot at a real future, and she would have equal access to both of her parents - but, at the same time, her behavior and attitude towards me has sucked for so long and I don't see a drastic change in that happening anytime soon.