Backstory here is that BM & DH split up (never married) when SD was 1 & BM returned to her homestate (a few hundred miles away) to live with her widower father while she got back on her feet. It was a bit more dramatic than that but you get the jist. Well, 4 years go by while BM continues to make crappy decisions & eff up her life - fired from multiple crappy jobs, DUI's, bankruptcy, flunked out of school, no steady relationships, etc. At this point, she in her late 30's, haggard & bitter beyond her years & a total loser. Then, about a 1 1/2 years ago, BM's successful, talented, pretty younger sister announces her engagement to her longtime boyfriend (also successful & good-looking). Within the next few months, BM gets (& keeps) a real job & finds a boyfriend (a fat loser but whatever). Now, BM's sister's wedding is just a couple weeks away. DH receives an email a few nights ago that BM & SD have moved out of BM's father's house & are living just a couple miles away from us! I guess it took her insane jealousy of her sister to finally drive her to grow the eff up & move out of her father's house. I'm assuming this is so she can prove to all the friends & relatives at her sister's wedding how far she has come :sick:

Anyway, this move has brought about a whole new set of problems. We just got our new CO in January. The main reason DH did not get 50/50 was that BM was living in a different county 25 miles away. We were not willing or able to move to her county so it just was not do-able with SD being in school. Now, BM lives just minutes from us. So, all that effort & time & stress & money - for what? Now we have to go through it all again for 50/50. We are waiting to see what our attorney advises. Also, on a personal note, I liked being able to go to out & have no fear of running into BM. Now, I'm on the look out for her every time I leave the house. Ugh.

DH went to SD's school today to have lunch with her as BM won't let him speak to her on the phone since they've moved. SD informed him that they are living with BM's boyfriend. Of course, BM's email made no mention of that. We have met the boyfriend before. He's seemingly harmless, just a big dumb lug. We know SD has been left alone in his care in the past & she has never reported anything weird. But now, all of a sudden DH wants to meet the boyfriend for coffee! I asked him why, what he hoped to get out of it. He said he wasn't sure. I think it's just a guy thing - like "my little girl is in your care & if anything happens to her, I'll kick your ass." I understand but think it's a bad idea. What do you all think? Has anyone else's DH done this or felt this way when BM moved in with a man/got married? Any advice here would be appreciated.

I offered to meet BM when I started spending a lot of time with SD. I thought it was the right thing to do. BM refused to even talk about it. One year later, when she found out we were getting married, she demanded to "get to know" me. Nope, sorry, you had your chance & you blew it. But by that time, I had seen her crazy & saw no reason to deal with her. She didn't want to me meet b/c of SD, she wanted it to exert control. Point is , I understand when a lot of folks on here say they have no reason to meet the ex. If BM feels like her BF is ok to be around SD, then that should be enough for DH. However, BM has made plenty of questionable decisions in the past. When is it o.k. for a bio to want to meet the new SM or SF? Ever? Never? Help me out here folks!

Sorry this is so long & rambling - it's been a long week.