That is precious. I am so happy some skids are well behave despite having negative influences on them.

This is just it. Children are extremely smart and manipulative. It's hard wired. Today's "child adoration" movement teaches children all the wrong things. That manipulation is fun and easy and that you can always get your way no matter what.

Which ultimately leads to a deep sense of UNfulfillment and DISatisfaction in life, namely unhappiness.

Keep up the good work!

You are doing an awesome bang up job and deserve kudos for that. I am going to offer my suggestions for your SS9.

I am a stepmom to two wonderful boys ages 12 and 9 and a bio mom to a 19 month old. My oldest SS was born with spina bifida and all that comes with it and he also is on the autism spectrum. So finding "currency" was hard because he cannot do much for himself. (pretty much like an infant). As like you are doing now I had to teach him to do the best he can and pay him in his "currency". He doesn't care about food and doesn't understand the concept of time or money. So I found his currency is watching opera, soccer and or game shows.

I can understand why it is working for your 6 year old because skittles are important to her. When my youngest stepson was 5 we had it out about his behavior. So, I just found what motivated him and we have moved to a great life together. My stepson is 9 and now his "currency" is different. Stickers nor skittles will work with him, nor should they because it is not age appropriate. And I need to say again I applaud your efforts and I know you want the best for the kids. Life is not a cookie cutter or a band aide approach, what motivates one will not do the same for the next.

So, talk to your stepson and figure out really what he loves or wants and use that as your "currency" with him. The initial approach will be hard because he is 9 and has a ton of conflict about his loyalties. I would start with talking about christmas and what he thinks his dad would like (do this while you are cooking dinner or driving or someplace he doesn't have to look you in the eyes). As the conversation moves forward then bring up what he would like and their you have your currency.

My stepson who is 9 also is having a hard time or I think he wants to talk to me I come up with a reason to put him in the car. We go on an outing and I bring it up within a block and by the time we are three blocks up the street he tells me. He doesn't have to look me in the eye and opens up. It took a long time of "bus driver" to get him to talk. But, it works....

Does it work with my limited verbal stepson t age 12, not so much. But, I know his currency too. My bio son, does well too. I do basic Skinner stuff with him too. I give him the tools a 19 month old can use and don't take crap!

I have taken my own ration of sh$t from the bio mom about my tactics and well I have won. Because my kids rock and I do not care if I rented out my womb for 9 months or not, they are mine. Like my mom always said" live under my roof, live under my rules". The teachers at my stepson12 email me on a regular basis about what is going on and how do we deal with it, and I give my feedback and they use it.

LMAO!!!!! Omg! I LOVE these updates so much!

I know all about PDD NOS and it is hard! Keep trying... Is he in ABA therapy?

I was told by a support Ed many years ago that what takes a typical kid 5 tries to learn can take a special needs kid 50 plus per diagnosis. Keep trying and stay steadfast. I know all about crazy biomoms and their need to enable instead of empower their kids. Despite how hard it is you can only control what happens on your time and make the best of it.

Also try reaching out to his teachers and see what is working at school. With his diagnosis he should have a very minimum a 504 if not an full blown IEP. If he does not than that is just straight up neglect. These teachers want and need your input even if you are just daddy's girlfriend. Trust me I took a ration of crap when I showed up on the scene like I was some home wrecking whore. Now, I am highly regarded by my stepsons teachers and the school district. Stick to your values and goals and you will see improvement.

On another note check his diet and have him looked at for allergies. The last month or so pollen counts nationally are at a record high and I know my stepson on the spectrum often has trouble during seasonal allergy times. Talk to his pediatrician about immunocap allergy testing for foods and the environmental panel in your area. In the meantime try removing dyes and preservatives from his diet. I know hard considering the back and fourth thing with womb donor- but if you can show a pattern of success coupled with lab results she can't deny the truth for every long. You can also do a simple test in the morning to see if he has yeast overgrowth in his saliva. http://www.road-to-health.com/am/publish/article_150.shtml

Once you start looking down the biomedical information and non verbal learning disabilities you may find some answers, you may not. But, at least you tried. I know we have found my stepson has a boat load of environmental and food allergies, vitamin d deficiency, yeast overgrowth - but not cerebral folianic acid deficiency. You may also want to have heavy metal testing done, especially if he was in or around a house enough that was built before 1978 as a toddler. You can also look at adding omega 3 to his diet.

This is my life's work, I have been in medical sales for 15 years and after the birth of my son I have dedicated my life to pediatric causes, because of the blessing of my stepsons disabilities. With that being said I can fb like a mad man, know the iPad for special Ed apps but I don't know how to post a blog on here or inbox someone. So if you want to inbox message me I would love to have direct contact with you. I think we could be great friends. I have a BS in social work half my masters in business and my life is about being a career oriented but my kids come first mom.

Love,
The crazy beer drinking mom who has been known to wear wigs just to embarrass my kids!