Well, meeting is scheduled. Two weeks from now. I'm pretty sure she wants to meet to try and exhert control. I've been doing a lot of research and it's really obvious she is a PA/HAP parent. So, the trick i guess for now is to make her feel important, let her say whatever she wants, and make sure she knows i don't want to take her role as mother. Will it help? Probably not. At least i tried.

I am really dissapointed in SO though, and starting to lose respect as well. Guess that doesn't bode well for having a healthy relationship. They had a big chat where he stood up for himself and his rights as a parent and said that when he had his daughter that he was going to decide what they did, and take her away from the ex's house. He planned to do museums and such on the weekend, go out to dinner daddy/daughter on one weekday night, and bring her to our apartment (while i am gone of course still) and make her dinner there and do stuff there.

He didn't even get a full week of this before the ex went and scheduled swimming classes on one of his weekday nights. And of course she'll be attending also! It's her one and only child! She needs to be there for every moment and memory! (typical HAP/PA behavior, she's as translucent as glass)

(rant)
But, SO didn't stand up for himself. So she basically tested to see if he meant what he said about wanting his rights as a parent and wanting to be able to be a parent to his daughter. She went ahead and just scheduled something during his time, and then invited herself along and he just rolled over and let it happen. And what does he say to me? I asked who enrolled her in the class (cause it seemed pretty short notice, he was notified monday evening for the class on tuesday) and he says his ex, but he doesn't want to fight about it.

Guess if he doesn't care enough to stand up for himself why should i? He can't do anything about her behavior, but he can do something about his own. He could have told her it was incredibly disrepectful of her to schedule activities during his parenting time. If his daughter is going to go to a class on his time, then he should be the one scheduling the activities. And honesty, she doesn't need to be there either. I'm having a really hard time to have respect for him when he can't stand up for himself. No wonder she doesn't pay attention to anything he says, he never sticks to it. He says it's important to him that he has this parenting time with his child, she schedules an activity on top of it, he rolls over. Of course she's going to continue controlling the daughter and him. He lets her!

I don't want to fight about this either. In fact, the only thing we have ever fought about was his behavior with his ex. So, every time she does this stuff i feel like she is winning. She goes out of her way to try and hurt our relationship. (she even told him that he could have his daughter at his place, if he moved out and got a place without me...) He wonders why i seem "pre-occupied" with his ex, and with this whole situation. Maybe because she's trying to undermine my relationship? Maybe because my SO seems to be her lapdog? And i want to fix this situation because i really don't want to have to give up on him? Guess it's pretty silly of me to care about all this huh.
(end rant)

On a funny note, every time he does something with his daughter that the child finds really fun then the ex has to run out and do that same thing. Latest example, he took her on saturday to a restaurant i kept suggesting to him. Rainforest cafe. I knew he, and his child would both think it was pretty neat. What does the ex do when he brings the child back? Asks a bunch of questions about the cafe, where it is and so forth because she thinks she would like to take the child there sometime.

We recently went to hawaii (me and so) for our vacation. The daughter was thrilled with the dress we brought back and flower hair pins. She loved them so much she insisted on wearing it immediately and made a big fuss about it all telling everyone about how her dad got them for her in hawaii. SO sent in an email a link to the site where we had pictures of the vacation so she could show them to the daughter. Half a week later, ex announces she figured out where they will go on their vacation (ex/sd) Guess where!!! Even the exact same island! SO doesn't see what i see obviously.

Every time i get upset about this situation, i think of hawaii and laugh. Her behavior is soooo predictable it's actually pretty funny sometimes. (she got in a big fight with him after the trip also, and was going on and on about how he was doing all these fun things with me that he never did with her) I really wish she could grow up. It's not a competition. Of course he wasn't doing fun things with her, she was making him miserable. Pretty hard to go on a nice vacation and enjoy yourself when you are fighting every single day. I think she is incredibly jealous that he moved on, and that he is happy. Misery likes company.

Too bad i can't say what i REALLY think at this upcoming meeting.