The married parents should always stick together and put their marriage first. No matter how the SK feels about either the Bio or the SP.

When the above does not happen, it makes marriages miserable and, in the end, fail.

I agree with sandy. It doesn't matter if its a first marriage and the kid is theirs. If they don't put the marriage first it will fail.

My marriage is first. The adult skids hated me before they met me. They destroyed a couple of DH's relationships before he met me. They treat DH horribly-it is abusive, really. Before we got married, I sat down with DH and told him that I could not marry him unless he always put me first. I also told him that we will NEVER support them or house them. He promised me that he would stick to that. We are 7 months in to the marriage, and fine, but if we hit 7 years and he changed his mind, I would be GONE. The skids are vile, hateful creatures who are content to live disgusting lives. I see NO signs of them changing.

Since we have been married, there have been constant requests and hints for money and other things. DH has not even wavered. They are pushing to move in because BM does not want them around anymore. NOT.EVER.HAPPENING.

Don't get married if your kids are going to "rule." It definitely won't work.

The Marriage must always come first (except for abuse of course)!!! Alot of times I think the parents go off and find new partners while they are still all battered & hurt by the divorce process. So they stupidly go into the next relationship thinking "my kids come first". Itll never ever work that way!!!

The only time the kids should ever come first is when its about their *needs*.
But NEVER about their *wants*. Those are two Very separate things!!! Having a Step parent that they get to handpick is certainly NOT a need!!!!

Marriage is first, kids are behind the marriage. This is not just in a divorce situation or intact family it should be a fact in every marriage.

If you and your spouse are a united front everything else will be easier. Children are master manipulators. Divorced house holds and not.
If they can divide and conquer they will.

A marriage is between two adults not between children and adults. FDH and I are getting married in Italy this year. NO the skids are joining us. I am not marring or taking vows to or with them.

I treat everyone in my life with respect. So does FDH. Naturally the skids follow suit. Someday I am sure one of the skids will look at me and say something mean or hurtful. There is no doubt in my mind FDH will step up to the plate and take care of it.

He parents his children.

My adult daughter was raised in a similar manner. How we treat others is a refection of who we are. It is not about the other person, it is about us. She loves FDH and the skids and has fully embraced them as part of our family.

If the skids don't like me, so be it. This is not a popularity contest. I am married to their father not them.

I have a hard time seeing it in terms of priorities, or a contest as who's first or most important.

a marriage should be your most important partnership (hey, we're not called 'other half' for nothing!) while the kids should be most important responsibility. it's apples and oranges to me.

I hate to say it but my DH will not and has made it very clear to me that he never plans to put our marriage first!!!!!!!! I'm sick about this. His kids will always rule and manipulate the crap out of him. He acts like he has them under control but that is a joke!

My kids are already beginning to resent his kids because it IS always about them!

I want my marriage to work but I just see failure because of this EXACT reason! His kids will always rule!

This is what is pissing me off lately. Why do these kids/teens/inlaws even feel they have a right to an opinion about OUR marriage? The marriage is between two people only. I cannot imagine growing up thinking I could tell my mom or dad that I thought perhaps they should divorce as I just felt like having a single parent. Ridiculous!

Although my ss did not hesitate to tell me over and over again that he wants his dad single-he has been telling me that for years. Well, sorry, kid that's not your choice. Your dad's marital status is not something you are entitled to have a say in.

So, yes, of course the marriage should come first. Kids grow up, they move away, start their own families and lives. That's the way it should be. Your marriage is supposed to be forever.