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If/why BM...

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 12:23pm

If BM:

Would act like an adult, what % of our problems as SMs do you think would go away?

Would at least act nice to us, do you think our skids would act nice too?

Why BM:

Acts the way she does: do you think it could be because a) nobody plans on getting divorced and having to see your kids with another woman, especially if that woman was the "other woman", b) because they want to hurt their ex, or c) both?

What would you say to her if you called her out on her behavior, and she told you that she doesn't like you because it's hard having to see her kids with another woman, when she didn't want the divorce?

Comments

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Submitted by Butterflykisses... on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 1:03pm

I never had a problem at all seeing my own BD20 be "happy" with another person in her entire life.

What kind of mother would I be to discourage my child from forming her own relationships with whomever? An awful mother is what I would be.

Any BM that has issues with their child's happiness needs to have a good look in the mirror at their own insecurities. IMHO

bruisedpeach's picture

Submitted by bruisedpeach on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 1:09pm

insecurity is the NUMBER 1 2 and 3 our BM acts the way she does. Because deep down she knows she heinous and vile, hence nearly all of her friends and my SO, her ex husband, fucked the fuck off. She deep down knows that her kids are going to realise what a vile piece of crap she is and fuck off too so she does everything to try and keep them close and loyal, even if she is brainwashing them.

bruisedpeach's picture

Submitted by bruisedpeach on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 1:09pm

insecurity is the NUMBER 1 2 and 3 our BM acts the way she does. Because deep down she knows she heinous and vile, hence nearly all of her friends and my SO, her ex husband, fucked the fuck off. She deep down knows that her kids are going to realise what a vile piece of crap she is and fuck off too so she does everything to try and keep them close and loyal, even if she is brainwashing them.

Asher10's picture

Submitted by Asher10 on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 1:11pm

it's about control.some women think once they squeeze a screaming bundle of half the man's gene pool out of their vagina then they own the man forever.she doesn't want him but she wants no one else to have him because they might make him happy and he doesn't deserve to be happy!another woman might get to see her kids smiling and laughing while they play with daddy and some bm's can't handle that.
SOME bm's i say.SOME.Not all.Just SOME.(i'm trying to be clear bc it seems steptalk is on it's period today.) Smile

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 1:27pm

I agree about the control part. I think a lot of these women want to continue to be in control of their exes. As for seeing another woman take care of the kids, I can certainly see how and why that would be hard for some BMs, but I still say put on your big girl panties and be polite and reasonable for the kids' sake, and fake it till you make it (unless Dad and SM are total abusive jerks).

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Submitted by Butterflykisses... on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 1:23pm

A. Deville- I refer to those types, male and female as
" Homewreckers." They seem to live to do it too.

I met DH AFTER his rebound and after the divorce. His "rebound" wound up being a BPD that he had to place a RO on. That's what happens when you go looking on dating sites the week after you seperate... :O

This BPD "rebound- homewrecker" actually tried to corner me in a dark alley a year ago....

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 3:16pm

In my case, I AM the rebound. And if you listen to BM, I am the home wrecker too! Even though they were broken up (barely) when I came into the picture.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Submitted by Butterflykisses... on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 3:24pm

LOL Sky- I do not think you even come close to the profile of DH's BPD psycho rebound- LMAO Wink

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 3:29pm

Butterfly - check back with me in a few more years!! LOL

I'm just glad I was "fixed" prior to H. He has wanted to have a kid with me from the beginning. Sorry - NOT happening!

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Submitted by Butterflykisses... on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 3:34pm

LOL Sky- You might recall but I just had that major problem "fixed" as well. No thank you on anymore kids here either. Wink

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 3:04pm

I think BM2 acts the way she does because she grew up in an abusive dynamic and seeks abusive situations out. If she cannot find one, she will generate one.

I think BM3 acts the way she does because she is a drama queen and gets frustrated when she can't stir it up here. She was not a good wife and was terribly cruel to DH when they were married. She has an emotionally incestuous relationship with her dad. Eventually DH left her and she lost control over SD4s life 50% of the time. I think that really eats at her because she is a very controlling person.

I don't care that she doesn't like me. She isn't the kind of person that I respect, so her opinion is a non issue. I'm polite to her because she is SDs mom, and that's it.

somerg's picture

Submitted by somerg on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 3:19pm

my bm acts like she does because she's always had control over my dh and the divorce takes some of that control away and she don't like it (him having the right to tell HER what her kids will do on HIS TIME, FRIES HER BUTT).

as a bm to a smom i act the way i do because of what i have SEEN with my own eyes and HEARD with my own ears how smom talks to my dd when my ex h is not around

i swear i'm going to hire a private investigator

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 3:36pm

If I called BioDad out for his behavior I would just ridicule him for being the worthless POS breeding toothless moron that he is and for not being able to support his 4 out-of-wedlock spawn by three different baby mamas.

It would just piss me off because he is too F-in stupid to be offended. He would just stand there giving me a blank half lidded stare with a somewhat perplexed component to it. :?

I would be fortunate if he did not drool on my shoes.

ddakan's picture

Submitted by ddakan on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 4:57pm

Our BM acts the way she does because she did not want the divorce and she desperately wanted DH but she couldn't find a way to make it work between them.

Me being able to make DH happy makes BM burn inside. She told DH how that now that he has changed they could make it work. She said it hurts too much to see DH with ddakan, so she can't come by our house for pick up and drop off.

BM told me, you will never make DH happy. He will die alone. All of this is untrue, but it is BMs reality, so we just live our happy lives and put up with the BM stain. Thank goodness ss17 is nearly 18!!! Then we have no obligation to her for 1200 a month or health insurance.

ownpersonalopinion1's picture

Submitted by ownpersonalopinion1 on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 9:14pm

Our BM hates me because I insisted hubby quit paying child support to a 23 year unemployed uneducated daughter. You heard me right. Now, if she was disabled or mentally challenged or sick, that would be one thing, but she is younger and healthier than me. Just lazy. (thats wording it nice)