The article that BBB posted got me to thinking
about my stepmother and how much the concepts in that article have occurred in my life, both as a SD and as a SM.
The part about sitting down to talk with the kids really hit home for me. I agree 110% with what the author said about parents helping the kids find healthy ways to vent their feelings. I think that if the bioparents in our situations did that, everyone, including the skids, would be better off. I also agree with what the author said about enforcing basic politeness and respect from the skids to the stepparent.
But I want to add a little to that concept. Just as I think that stepparents should be acknowledged by bioparents and skids for the kind things we do for skids, I think skids should be acknowledged by both step-and-bio-parents for being nice to us. For example, if they start being nicer to us, we should praise the change in their behavior, as should the bioparents.
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I have always said.....
that it is my opinion that in order for a step parent/child relationship to really work, it takes effort on both the part of the stepparent and the skid. I think sometimes we as women, or men, have very high standards that we expect these kids to live up to. I know I did. I had to really learn that these kids were raised by a neanderthal for the first few years of their lives, yet I expected them to act like I had raised them according to my standards. There were times that I really didn't think this stepfamily thing was going to work....but I saw that the more I praised them for the progress they were making, even tho it was VERY slow in coming, the more they seemed to respond. So I agree with u completely that changes in skids behavior should definately be praised, but I think expecting our BMs to give praise to them for acknowledging us seems a little implausible to me. I could cure cancer and my BM would still wish death on me......but I get yur point
"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"
I definatley agree.
Praise where priase is due!
~all you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust...and sometimes a machine gun~