I dont believe ive had the chance to really tell my story. Whenever ive confided in a friend, ive held back some of what is really going on in my head because I was afraid they would think I was a bad person. Finding this website was a blessing because I have been holding everything in for sooo long that I felt like I was going to explode! So, with that being said, below is my whole story. I already feel a great sense of relief in knowing that at the end of this blog I will have let it all out! I look forward to being a active member on Steptalk!

5 years ago I met my husband at my sisters wedding. He was a charming and funny guy! We had so much in common that we quickly fell in love. We both have one child from previous relationships. At the time my son was almost 5 and his son was 1 year old. Within 4 months of meeting we were married and started our lives as a family! In the begining I cared very deeply for his son. We quickly became very close. He cried when I left to work and he came with me everywhere. Soon after we were married I found out I was pregnant. I didnt want to have a child so soon but seeing what a great father my husband was to his son, I decided not to worry too much and to go ahead with the pregnancy. When our son was born my stepson was 2 years old. I will never forget the very first time I was angry with him. I was taking a shower, my newborn baby was with my husband and my stepson. When I turned off the water I heard the baby screaming! I came out and saw my baby on the bed crying while my husband and my stepson were reading a book and laughing. I felt so angry at my husband for ignoring our son! I asked him why and he said that HIS son was getting jelous so he wanted to make him feel better!! WHAT? our son is screaming crying and your worried about jelousy? really? something must have happened in me at that point because since that day I started to feel resentment towards my stepson. I started to notice anything and everything that was unfair or different. My husband would yell at my older son for not eating all his food but tell his son it was okay if he didnt finish. Or he would take his son on outtings without telling me and me and my two sons are at home! Once I came home for lunch and found my husband there with his son while OUR son was at daycare! I was so angry that he was sitting there having a jolly old time while my baby was stuck at the sitters house when he could be at home with his dad! So much more but too much too list. After confronting my husband he said that he just feels guilty that his son doesnt stay with us all the time so he feels he has to make it up to him! I try to explain to him that the other two boys are going to grow up to resent him and my stepson but he doesnt think so. At this time my stepsons mom started to butt in on our lives more and more. She would call my husband and complain about the color of her sons poop!!! She said we must not be feeding him right so we must change his diet! AND OFCOURSE my husband is scared of her so he would remove anything from his sons plate that he thought would change the color of his poop! OH MY GOD, that would piss me off sooooo much! Currently our children are 10, 6, and 4 (stepson is the 6 year old). When my stepson hit about 5 years old he started going back to his mom "reporting" everything that was going on in our home. He runs to her and tells her that im mean becuase I wont give him juice! Im sorry that I have rules in my house and that I dont want my kids running around with bad teeth! I only allow juice at meal times, its water through out the day for my kids! Im also mean because he says the water I bathe him in is too hot! but my younger son who is sitting right next to him in the tub seems to think the water is fine!! I never bathed him again after that! He runs to her for every little things which in turn has caused some massive arguement between herself and I and also between me and my husband. My stepson tries very hard to get his way in my house by manipulating his dad and playing on his heart strings. He gets him to give in when my kids have to follow rules! My oldest has come to me and asked me why his "brother" gets to do something when he doesnt... I tell him to go ask his dad (my husband)! My husband obviously gets upset but I want my kids to know that its not me who allows this to go on! Sooo, My husband is hurting becuase I am no longer close to my stepson and really dont care to be. And he (my husband) wants us to be a big old happy family. I do feel bad at times because my husband is very close with my oldest son and he is an awesome father and husband!! But I cant help but cringe every time I know my stepson is going to walk through that door!! I try to schedule all my appointment and workouts on the days and evenings I know he will be there so I dont have to run into him. During the week when my stepson isnt with us I am the happiest wife and mom in the world! I picture our lives without him in it and I love what I see! I feel like such a bad person for feeling like that but I dont know how to feel any other way! I have tried in vain to get closer to him again but I just cant stand being around him. I want to make this work for my husband, my kids, and my sanity but I dont see how! Ugg, well regardless, im so glad I found this site and I knew that I would feel better after letting all this out! AND I REALLY DO!! I will be back most definitly tomorrow!!