Just don't know what to do
Now SD13 has made "rape and beating" allegations against a man her mother used to date allegedly happened eight years ago when she was around 6 years old. CPS is investigating.
All of these behaviors started right after I told her I was pregnant. She started gradually getting worse and worse over the summer and this school year in her attitude and behavior. She tells people I am "judgemental and mean" told people I "wouldn't feed her lunch or take her a drink and made her work in the hot sun all day"...she had to water the elderly neighbor's flowers for 45 minutes and she was 13, she could pick up the cup and sandwich herself but was mad that I was sick with mono and pregnant and sleeping on the couch.
It's just gotten so much worse. Nothing I do is good enough. I don't know if these allegations are true or not. She has been the secret mistress to her best friend's boyfriend sneaking to skype him and texting and when we caught her and put a stop to it, she "overdosed" with two doses of her vitamin and a dose of cough medicine and two doses of her Plaquenil, but note it was spread out by about six hours between doses...and it was because she "couldn't live without her true love".
Her grandparents think she is making up the raped in 1st grade allegations and said she is just like her mother, who pulled the same stuff at SD13s age (a lot of manipulation and allegations for attention). This is her maternal grandparents saying this, too.
I don't know if it is true or not, but I am sick of her behavior and I am sick of having to listen to her every single god damn day. And I am sick of her trash talking me for pity to other people.
We cannot call her down for ANYTHING or she says we are abusive and she "cuts" herself and threatens suicide and says "awwww you haaate me so I hate myseeeelf and I'll just kiiill myseeeelf since that's what you waaaaaant"...
I am trying so fucking hard, but she still does what she wants when she wants and fuck you if you catch her.
I hope she wasn't raped, but it amazes me that she was perfectly fine and not a psychopath up until the summer of 2011, then coincidentally turns into a raging bitch after she finds out we are pregnant.
She also calls my son "it" and "the thing" as she repeatedly tells me she "can't live without that thing (my baby)" and she keeps bringing up weird shit and saying "you think I will hurt him huh" "I am not going to choke, pinch, or suffocate him"...why would someone fucking say that shit? Seriously. Then she told me she is afraid she is going to /accidentally/ kill "it", meaning accidentally kill my baby. Little psycho bitch please, you think I am letting you hold my baby or be alone in the room with him??? I sleep in the baby's room, and I woke up to her standing over his crib reaching in to touch him...she said she lurvs him soooo much. But it is said in that sort of fake "trying to make you believe it" fashion.
Raped eight years ago or not, that was eight years ago in her mother's house and she was a good kid for eight years. Now she is being a total bitch just coincidentally since summer 2011 and is acting out at school and at home.
She goes too far, and I will move out and take my dog and my baby and get an apartment.
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Have u stuck her in the
Have u stuck her in the mental ward at a hospital for her self harm threats? If a threat has been made they have to do a usually 3he day hold. She may get the help she needs or may realize that it sucks to get stuck there every time she threatens that. Call 911the and that you fully believe it's a credible threat and she will follow through and an ambulance will transport her.
That is what I was going to
That is what I was going to suggest! That will show if she really is a fruit cake who needs help or playing crazy for attention.
Took her to the ER that night
Took her to the ER that night after she took her "overdose" and wrote me that letter "if anyone cares, I am having a medical emergency, but I know you don't care or love me since no one loves me, so just never mind, I will lay down in my room and die so you aren't bothered by me". Not word for word, but pretty damn close to the letter she put on my door.
She was put in a childrens mental facility for two weeks, which we have to pay about $700 for now. AFTER that, she is a lot worse. She told all her friends she was there. She learned about "anger issues" and symptoms of depression, which she magically manifested. Since the hospitalization, she has claimed she couldn't get out of bed now (because depressed people just want to sleep), she stopped doing her homework (because depressed people can't concentrate or care), you should see the shit she wrote to her "love", AKA her Best Friend's boyfriend... how she's abandoned and abused by EVERYONE and will HE be the only one in the world to saaaave her and lurrrv her? ...yeah, it's sick.
She LOVED being in the mental hospital. They monitored and checked on her constantly and listened to her and gave her attention constantly, she LOVED IT. She now wants me to remove all the knives in the house and wants me to check her arms and legs every night for "cutting" then to ask her how she feels...every night...
We did follow through immediately (I couldn't risk it being real nor risk neglect charges since I have an infant). We did hospitalize her (which really UPPED her game 100 fold).
She says "that thing is the only thing keeping me alive right now besides Bob (best friend's boyfriend that she texts about making out and being in lurv with) - referring to my newborn.
She is NEVER alone with my baby. I sleep in his room and I lock the door now.
I had to go to the ER for eight hours and left the baby with DH and said NO SD13 around baby...guess who told me she put his mittens on him and held him while Daaaddy went outside to work on the carseat and shower... I will now not leave DH with the baby, even if my C-section is leaking green and yellow puss and hurts so bad I struggle walking. I was so fucking PISSED at him.
I work from home, so my baby is never out of my arms reach. EVER.
If she ever does anything that even gives me the slightest hint of discomfort, one of us will be out of this house, be it her in foster care for being a danger to another child in the home or if it takes me moving out to an apartment or to my grandparents house for five years until she is 18 and DH is done with her. Either way, my son comes first over her crazy and attention needing.
Serious case of insecurity
Serious case of insecurity and jealousy.
Is she in counselling?
All kids talk trash about how bad their parents are. I would love to say ignore it. I couldn't when it was my skids (i can now) but I disengaged, almost lost my marriage twice. And have learned that I now feel sorry for them.
She denies jealousy and gets
She denies jealousy and gets really pissed off and screams "you just haaate meeeeeeeee you always say I'm jeaaaalous and just want atteeeeention aaaaaaah aaaah".
The ER doctor said the "suicide attempt" was only attention seeking and she was very aware of medication and what she took (I had always taught her about different medications and even how much could be dangerous, and she never took that much...
Oh, the DAY my baby was born, she alleged that her mother verbally abused her on skype...which her mother in Facebook messages asked Cassandra how to set up and the facebook messages were all the same as I have always seen BM talk "look at my facebook see i put up pictures of you? Surprise! You are the real Christmas angel baby! you're mommy's Christmas baby. Tee hee are you laughign at mommy's froggy voice from being sicky ribbit ribbit".... This is what BM wrote to SD13.yes THIRTEEN. This is how she always talks (when she does, which is like every eight months or so)...
No one believes BM verbally abused SD13, especially since it happened amazingly the night baby was born!
I don't know about the rape allegations from eight years ago. It would make sense in hindsight I suppose.
Serious case of insecurity
Serious case of insecurity and jealousy.
Is she in counselling?
All kids talk trash about how bad their parents are. I would love to say ignore it. I couldn't when it was my skids (i can now) but I disengaged, almost lost my marriage twice. And have learned that I now feel sorry for them.
This. Our BM is BPD and SD22
This. Our BM is BPD and SD22 is too and pulled the same stuff. She went inpatient a couple of months b4 our wedding. (She was 16 at the time)
OMG that is what I think
OMG that is what I think too!
1. I took her to the ER immediately when she wrote the "suicide letter" and "overdosed".
2. We took her to the mental facility when the next night she LOUDLY rummaged through the medicine cabinet until DH finally went and asked her what she was doing. She smiled and said "looking for pain medicine to take to kill all the horrible pain inside me"...and smiled when we said WTH. She was admitted for two very expensive weeks.
3. She was immediately started in therapy upon release, which we go to WEEKLY with $25 copays.
4. When I checked her facebook messages with the boys and saw the rape and beating allegation to them, I called her therapist then we confronted her at the therapy appointment the next afternoon where she alleged it was true. That was a Sunday, so Monday, I called her pediatrician and got referral to a place to have her examined and got the DCS number.
5. Report made that monday to DCS. She was told the DCS worker would meet with her within 48 hours.
6. She "cut" all up and down her arm that next day and immediately showed all of her friends and teachers and as soon as the DCS investigator got there, she showed it to the investigator. She scratched the word "HELP" on her inner forearm.
7. We had a two-hour conversation on how to support her at home at the table. It consisted of her telling me "SD13s safety plan" that SHE thought up: It consists of: me making her breakfast and lunch, me asking her about her day, me watching her do homework at the table or she just won't do homework any more (always did her homework and has As and Bs on report cards), she said she stopped doing homework now because depressed people loose focus and can't do it..more of her plan to help her at home...I have to check her arms and legs every night and ask if she cut or felt like it and listen as long as she wants to talk...she can't be yelled at because it makes her want to kill herself...she NEEDS her love boy and we can't keep ehr from him...she neeeeds this girl that came to my house HIGH and NEEEEDS her to come over to spend the night whenever she wants...(no tween is coming to my house around my infant high or drunk...) then she said I have to remove her razor blades from the bathroom and I should clean her room and go through her things to remove any "weapons" she may harm herself with.
Now I have to say...I do feel for her, but at the same time, I am a bit put off and want to roll my eyes. I have filled the mother-role for her for nine years so that is why I am so involved, but...I don't know how much of this is real and how much is just bullshit.
I don't like her much any more after all the rule breaking, lying, sneaking, and demands.
DH says he will deal with her, but never does. We catch her breaking rules and he says he'll handle it, then he says want ice cream darling and just lets her keep her tablet in her room even though she just keeps sneaking to skype the boy.
SD13 has figured out she can get what she wants and do what she wants and get away with what she wants.
Oh, and side note, this boy she is "in love with" is not only her best friend's boyfriend, but this boy made up LIES about ME while SD13 was at the mental hospital - I have NEVER spoken to or met this boy either - He told everyone that I facebook messaged him and said quote (SD asked him to SHOW her what I allegedly sent him, and he refused, but agreed to TYPE IT OUT in a reply to her...the boy claimed that *I* said this: "you N***word stay away from my liddle gurl keep ur black ass away from her or I be up on u 2 beat ur ass and ya this be her mom".. ///He later admitted that he completely made it up./// And this is the boy she cannot live without and is the only person in the world that ever helps her or cares...after ALL I have done for her, I am nothing.
Maybe she was sexually assaulted in first grade but I think she developed borderline personality disorder on top of that.
Until DH steps up nothing
Until DH steps up nothing will change. Why does the safety plan revolve around you and not dad?
Look into DBT (dialectical behavioral treatment). Not sure if its meant for teenagers, but is specifically designed for BPD. It's supposed to avoid the manipulation of the BPD. Regular therapy helps teach them how to manipulate, like you're talking about with the "depressed people can't do homework" kind of stuff.
Is she actually cutting or just scratching? My SD also "cut" herself but it was just scratching.
Scratching. Immediately
Scratching. Immediately after she scratches her arm, she shows someone, all her friends and teachers. She didn't do it for a week or so then we told her the CPS worker would be coming in the next 24 hours to talk to her and BAM she scratches "HELP" on her arm and immediately shows it to the CPS worker upon arrival. If I don't say YES SD13, you're very fucked up and serious problems, then she ups the ante and scratches MORE and texts everyone "SEE I CUT".
Now I am supposed to 'closely monitor' her homework because miraculously now she has attitude with teachers and won't do homework.
I am doing my best, but I am getting sick of her and sick of having all her shit piled on me.
Oh and her "Cuts" FADE within 24 hours...
I don't know if she was raped or not, but amazingly, she had no behavior issues or suicidal depression until I got pregnant. So, I just don't know, but I have to act like I believe her.
Side note: She LOVED the mental hospital and is LOVING the attention from this from friends, teachers, CPS worker, forced attention from me...yes, she refuses to eat breakfast or lunch unless I make it for her...and says she "just is tooo depressed to eat"...and then sometimes, she'll say "oh I just can't eat mommy i'm to depressed and down to eat" (she smiles). Since the baby was born, she has started calling me Mommy. I allowed "momma" because from age 4 she tried to call me 'mom', and I talked to BM and we agreed "momma" was okay but she wanted "mommy" for herself, which is totally fine (even though we don't see her for up to 8 to 10 months straight and she even skipped Christmas one year completely!)
I do want to support SD13, I think she may have attachment disorder issues and/or Borderline personality. I am trying to do for her during her regressive behaviors since the baby was born so she feels cared for. I want to help her and do for her, but sometimes I just want to roll my eyes too.
I would act completely
I would act completely dispassionately. When she refers to your child as 'it' act like you don't know who she is talking about "Who?" and repeat.
And when she whines about cutting herself you stare her down and say "If you were serious and not seeking attention you would do it properly. But then you would be all alone in the ground and Bob would find another girl to cheat on his girlfriend with. So you would be dead, your boyfriend would find someone else. Which makes me think who he is cheating on your with... Sounds like the perfect plan, right? Cut the crap out I am bored with your drama. I am busy being a real person and I do not have time for your whiny baby act anymore. And if you say I caused you to do whatever little drama you dream up, forget it. You already have proven to the authorities your true motivation. You are 13 yrs old, not 5."
And get rid of her freaking phone. She uses it as her lifeline. Time for the phone to go away until she stops being so 'suicidal'.
She will "overdose" (she was
She will "overdose" (she was very aware of what she took and that it wasn't too much plus she spaced it out and told doctors she took it all at once) if we dare keep her from her true love -the Best Friend's Boyfriend. She "suicided" the first time when we told her we found out she was his secret girlfriend and told her it was over and to end it. She lied to doctors and said she ODed because we don't love her and she is so depressed.
All her friends are "cutting" (SCRATCHING GENTLY LMAO) and showing each other.
I don't know if she was truly raped and beaten or not.
I do know that she drains me to death and I have to sit and listen to her go on and on and it drives me nuts she lies so much and tells everyone all this stuff for attention and sympathy.