SD14 Broke DH's Heart

What a bad, bad weekend. DH works as a train engineer and is away from home for 24 - 36 hour intervals. SD14 has for the most part behaved herself. DH was at work on Friday, and SD14 called to say she was staying at a friend's house and left me the number. The next morning, I tried to contact SD14 and there was no answer. I kept trying all day. Around 10:00 pm I got ahold of a parent at the friend's house and was told that SD14 was not there and hadn't been there the night before. Now I'm hooped. I do not know where SD14 is and she has been getting into trouble with drugs and alcohol and suicide threats so my concern was real.

DH called to check up and I told him what was happening. He was very concerned and asked me to contact the RCMP to have them look for her. They called BM who said that she was at another friend's house and was "safe". DH got home from work at 6:00 am and I told him what the RCMP said. DH tried to call this friend's house and no one answered and he let it ring for 5 minutes. DH panicked. He's thinking the worst, she could be passed out drunk somewhere, suffering from alcohol poisening, taken a bad drug... so he called the RCMP again and asked them to accompany him to where she was supposed to be at.

She was hugely beligerent, even with the RCMP! They had to threaten her to get in the car with her dad or they would take her to the station. She screamed holy bloody hell all the way home. She went on and on, every hurtful thing real or imagined she threw at him. she hates him, never loved him, never speaking to him again, never seeing him again. He's a liar, he's the reason she has no clothes because BM says he doesn't pay her anything, nobody likes him, everyone hates him. This went on, interlaced with colourful language to go with.

DH gave up and took her back to BM. He came home and cried for an hour. It was heartwrenching. He tried to call BM to talk about SD15's behaviour and his fear for her safety. He said he felt that, as parents, they should intervene and get her help. BM just said "See Ya" and hung the phone up on him.

Truly sad.

anita...sigh's blog
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Anita

I'm so sorry - my heart goes out to you and poor DH. To see him cry must have torn you apart. I thought SD was back to living with you? Are you sending her back to BM for good? If not, then DH doesn't need BM's permission / cooperation to get SD help. He needs to just do it. I'm so sorry...

Just wondering

Who has custody? If your husband does you might want to check out state laws that allow you to put her into rehab. My sister has been pulling somewhat the same stuff, she is 15 as well, and my mother took her to the hospital, with cops and the first time had her committed. The child clearly is seeking attention and needs help, and the BM!!!!! she can take a hike and should be arrested for letting her daughter to things like that!

BM has legal custody but

BM has legal custody but SD15 was fighting with BM, skipping school, drinking and smoking. Her exSF doesn't want her in his house because she is violent. SD14 was with us for 10 days, that's all, before it blew all to hell.

In BC, we have been to mediation on numerous occassions and, although the court quasi recognizes the PAS issue, think that it is in "the best interest of the child" to let them stay at their mother's where they have no boundaries. The Judge said to force a CO on the Skids would not work and they would still run away. Further, to complicate matters more, once a kid is 14 they have to give written consent for medical treatment so they can refuse, no one can force them. BM is very paranoid of counsellors, specialist, doctors, etc and that last thing she wants is to have the kids spilling their guts out at a counsellor's office.

We all smile in the same language

It is her age and hormones

Our SD would do all that given the chance and has done the whole 'say every ugly thing you ever thought of' to my DH. Having her mom condone and encourage SD to 'express (HER) anger' to DH has ruined my and her relationship as I find it very disrespectful and don't care what she thinks she is allowed to say to my hubby, I will not allow it.

But just so you know, teenage girls are brutal (just like in our times)! - its not just his and so nothing personal against him, it is her trying to exert control over her life before she is actually mature. I am glad he put his foot down as she should NOT be allowed to say any of this, much less STAY OUT ALL NIGHT WITH BM PERMISSION, at 14??!!! Great parenting BM!! SD needs to suffer some consequences from this, for her own good-!!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

SD will suffer no

SD will suffer no consequences for her actions. She's already run to BM skirt and is once again on the streets. That wench of a BM was having the same issues with SD14 and was angry about it and yet when we attempt to work with her, she hangs up. BM is not very stable at the moment and her life is spinning out of control. Only thing BM cares about is sticking it to DH and her child support.

We have been done this route with 2 other kids and there is no help, no recourse. We live in small town, BC, Canada, and our laws weigh heavily in favour of the kids doing pretty much what ever the hell they feel like. Aghh, I really so mad to be walking this path again.

As far as hormones go, that is not hormones. That is straight up PAS and mental illness trickling on down the line. It sucks.

We all smile in the same language

Anita - that sucks:(

I am so sorry to hear you have been down this road before. We feel we have lost my SD17 too. I would love to pound our BM and yours but it wouldn't do any good, they are just 'sick' people. PAS should be a felony-!!!!!!!

Has there even been any improvement in relations with the older kids?

We just have the one child but I know I am hoping one day she will 'snap out of it'.