Necessary-no. Exerting control long after the relationship has ended, yes!

I know it's frustrating, but we have the other end of the spectrum, where she's always contacting DH to confirm information that she could easily get from another source. DH makes sure he contacts her just once per month for the schedule, all appointments on the schedule. She will reach out two days before the event/appointment/activity "just to confirm" that his information was indeed correct. Then, she won't show. Unnecessary communication, but just butting into his new life.

"he was habitually late or absent from this stuff?" I still struggle to NOT remind my ex of things. He has a serious case of CRS(can't remember shit) So he'd forget dr. appointments, school events, parent teacher conferences, his kids birthday parties, his pregnant wife etc. Yes I'm talking while we were together. His problem is however too much pot, lazy, and his priorities are fubar. I do not remind him much anymore unless it's obvious he's really forgotten something very important to the kids, then I ask them if THEY want to remind him. Only two weeks ago he forgot to get our son for the weekend. First time I didn't ask him if he was running late (gives him an out on forgetting) he was pissed at me and an hour late saying he was working and can't use his phone to tell me that (who doesn't know how to go pee and text?) or tell the boss "hey I'm supposed to get my kid mind if I shoot a call/text to let the ex know?" Instead kiddo sat here crying that he was forgotten.