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Almost 3 years later... A little background

angelique78's picture

Submitted by angelique78 on Mon, 09/20/2021 - 9:10pm

HI.

 

Most people won't remember and my posts. I invte you to check it out.

Last time I posted here I said my husband's daughter left our home and went to live with her mom which was starting a business, a physical therapy clinic.

Next year the girl was approved in one of the best colleges in Brazil, she chosen Physical Therapy.

Well, everything went well for everybody until 2020.

I lost my job, DH lost his job, her BM had to close her clinic but she became a work in front-line worker and BM's husband was a victim of the tragedy. Yes, Covid took that man's life away. I lost a lot of relatives.

My DH tried desperately to connect with his D, but she repeled him. When the "world started to end" she said she wouldn't come to our house since I discovered (2019) a heart failure and she could kill me. Honestly, I want nobody at my house! This is not the time! But the hard-headed man insists she must come.

Now I have another issue which is ruining my marriage. My daughter who is now 15 is pregnant! I almost beat the sh*t out of her. First, because she disrespected health protocols, second because she's a teenager.

When the news arrived my husband changed with us. He was angry and started to make some ridiculous provokations.

"My daughter was the problem here. She is now at a Federal University* and your daughter, the princess of perfection will be a single mom".

*Federal University is university where you receive the best education without paying anything.

I feel sad. It looks like God decided to play on us. He's problably laughing at me. I faced rejection when I tried to part of family. I lost my job. I don't have a happy relationship anymore. I realized I never had, even before the SD blow up. Now I have a pregnant teen daughter. For BM and SD, on the other hand, everything works fine.

I'm kinda jealous and hurt.

Sorry for the long post.

Comments

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Mon, 09/20/2021 - 9:25pm

Here in the US, we call what your husband said "kicking you while you're down." It was a really cruel thing. 

angelique78's picture

Submitted by angelique78 on Tue, 09/21/2021 - 8:13am

Here in Brazil we have something simliar:

"chutar cachorro morto"

 

It means literally "kick a dead dog"

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 09/21/2021 - 5:39am

Your husband sounds like a jerk. He doesn't care about your health, and then takes advantage of a rough moment for you as a parent to compete with you rather than support you. 

angelique78's picture

Submitted by angelique78 on Tue, 09/21/2021 - 8:21am

I agree with you.

His daughter contacted me or my daughter anymore since the blow up episode. 

But i can't say she was wrong. She indeed had a good reason. The f.. pandemics.

Her mother works at a Covid hospital. Her mother's husband died because of that prague...

Even without talking to me for the last 3 years she seemed to care more than my DH.

I don't want any relationship with her anymore. Because she doesn't want to. I'm fine, now. I realized we can't force feelings at someone else. No means no.

But now I can see why BM left and his daughter is not his fan. He's a big loser...

 

 

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Tue, 09/21/2021 - 8:02am

I don't mean to kick you while you're down but it is so unhealthy for you to be in competition with your husband over your kids successes and failures. It sounds like he is gloating. 

Mominit's picture

Submitted by Mominit on Tue, 09/21/2021 - 8:03am

First of all, you are not your kids.  You do your best with them, but by 15 years old they have their own decisions to make in life.  Some good, some not so good.   Secondly, no one is to blame for the tragedies that occurred during Covid.  Many lost jobs, many lost loved ones.  It’s not God laughing at you and it’s not a personal judgement.  It’s the price we pay for living in this world.

Next, remember that his daughter that he’s crowing about as such a success moved out and refused to see him for years.  I don’t think he should be throwing stones.  Neither of you should be throwing stones in a competition to see who was the better parent.  His daughter turned her life around and became a success *without* his involvement for 3 years.  Pretty bold of him to claim much of that was to his credit.  Unless you kicked him when he was down and he’s getting a bit of his own back, I would remind him of this (once), and then ask him to be a better husband and stepfather and step up to today’s occasion.  Now is not the time to gloat.  Neither of you are responsible for the success or failure of your kids.

Finally, a teenage pregnancy is not the end of the world.  And honestly, it’s not even unusual.  Her life will continue.  She’ll have some hard decisions to make about how to deal with her new reality.  And hopefully her parents will be there for her without rubbing her nose in what a success her sister is and what a failure they consider this turn of events.  And just as his daughter turned her life around, it’s possible that your daughter will rise from this complication and be a stronger, more mature person.  Or not. 

My sympathies go out to you as you seem to have a lot on your plate.  Hopefully your jobs rebound quickly to give you the personal confidence you need to support your family’s emotional needs.

angelique78's picture

Submitted by angelique78 on Tue, 09/21/2021 - 8:28am

Thanks. I feel better after i read that.

I told him that. "Your daughter is sucessful because of her BM and family. I got no credit here, sir."

I just feel so sad because a lot of things are happening together. My heart disease, my job, my daughter, my DH. My choices and  actually, my mistakes.

I know teenager pregnancy is not the end of the world. But I fear i won't last to help my daughter...