It's been on my mind
I've seen this topic come up a few times in others blogs, and I have been thinking about it alot lately. Would it be so awful if DH had just worn a condom with BM. They were not married, they did NOT plan on a child together, and they were already busy with BMs first child. Who decides to have a second child at this point?! DH and BM were fighting constantly before their relationship failed, and during that time BM took it upon herself to get her IUD removed. By the time DH finally took off BM had removed her IUD and it had been several months. Perfect condition for conception. BM couldn't take care of, or support, first child (not with DH) but she couldn't stand the thought of DH leaving her that she stuck DH with her for the rest of their lives.
BM has a pattern of getting with a guy and then having a child with them when things start to seem rocky. She is currently expecting third child any day now with the third father of her time. I am pretty sure she has had 4 relationships her entire life, and now 3 of them are fathers to her offspring. This new baby will be the only child she has not given up custody for, and that is only because this third child is not born yet!
Sometimes I just can't stand the fact that DH could not wear a condom with BM. If I was the owner of a penis I would not trust anyone when they told me I didn't need a condom. HA! "Sure, I take my pill everyday.." "NO! No glove no love!"-- What happened to that old saying. Who plans on having a kid without informing the other party. "I know you mentioned that you don't want kids until your older but I've decided to quit taking my pill and see where it goes, Sorry I am too self absorbed to involved you in this decision but I'm 18 and your 20, so we better get started..."
Crazy BMs...
Sometimes I wish someone would have tattooed another saying onto DH's genitals, you know the one; "Don't stick your d*ck in crazy..."
Just a rant but I can't help but wish sometimes(not always) that DH had more sense in his past. Maybe it is the hormones, I am almost 16 weeks and emotional. I just remember that this is not DH's first baby, but it is mine. I just wish he could act like this one mattered as much as his first did. He actually told me the other night that we won't even have to take any birthing classes because HE has already done this and will be a great coach. Yah, thanks, cause I really needed that reminder in my head...
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I totally understand. DH had
I totally understand.
DH had asked BM for a divorce, and he was staying until they could work out who would live where. She conveniently stopped taking the pill without telling him, but then again, if you want a divorce you should probably not sleep with that person. They are both at fault, and voila! SD15 was born.
BM actually told me she got pregnant with her on purpose, because if he was leaving her she would get more child support for two kids.
I feel the same, if DH was
I feel the same, if DH was going to leave her then why on earth was he sleeping with her?! They were both at fault yes.
OH WOW! Thank you for
OH WOW! Thank you for sharing!
They'll think of the most
They'll think of the most elaborate ways. Hell, most of them are pretty god liars to begin with.
Mine? Yeah, wish he wore a condom, he even offered to go buy them--what did BM say? Not necessary because she was supposedly 1. infertile due to health issues, 2. already starting menopause (42 at the time), 3. had crohns and was taking a pill every day that would prevent pregnancy since it is fatal to the fetus
So, what happened?
She was obviously not 1. infertile, as she got preggos in the 2nd and last month she'd been with him (which means she went through only 2 ovulation cycles, the second of which was the golden ticket) 2. maybe she was starting? who knows, don't know if that matters, and 3. found out months later through her mom she doesn't have crohn's (she has irritable bowel syndrome) and the pill for crohns is... designed solely for crohn's... so... what pill was she taking that prevents pregnancy? also, she told FDH she was on it, right? Well after, she said it is such a miracle she stopped taking it. Um. What?
What we think happened:
She was with her boyfriend of nine years at the time, and because she actually doesn't like children because she NEEDS attention (shit talked a 10 year old girl at a party because she was getting more attention than her), she was taking birth control but told him it was for crohns. Wanted FDH, so she stopped taking them and got preggos. She was never infertile and was not about to go through menopause.
FDH was stupid, even he admits it. He wishes he had never even looked at her. Had he been able to see the future, he would have kicked her the hell out the moment she walked in the door.
Sounds like a miracle baby to
Sounds like a miracle baby to me! BM had also claimed that because of her first child and an Rh factor that it would difficult for her to get pregnant with out some medical problems in the pregnancy, and that was why she had the IUD in the first place. Funny how as soon as DH showed signs that he was leaving her she 1) got pregnant, and 2) had no complications what-so-ever with her pregnancy
BM is a breeder
i'm rh negative, and there's
i'm rh negative, and there's a simple shot that prevents issues. yeah, she was lying because she knew a man doesn't know shit about rh factors in pregnancy.
I agree! The only case I can
I agree! The only case I can accept is if the birth control had actually failed.
I somehow managed to never get pregnant, but to be honest I had never had intercourse without a condom before DH, and I also got pregnant right after we began trying.
I ponder this constantly.
I ponder this constantly. What really would have been soooo difficult about SO wearing a condom? OK, sure GUBM is allergic to latex, but, they had latex-free condoms then way back then. He never should have listened to her dumb ass when she said "I can't get pregnant" because it was clearly just a lie, SD12 is walking proof that she can indeed get pregnant. It baffles me and skeeves me out all at the same time because, ew.
And, much like your situation and the one that aggravated1 mentioned, SO and GUBM were almost completely on the outs before she was suddenly and "miraculously" with child. SO never wanted kids - though he can't imagine life without SD, now - and GUBM wanted a whole herd. What in sweet hell is with these women who get knocked up on purpose when the relationship is going south? That never, ever fixes a relationship!
Oh gawd, I just remembered.
Oh gawd, I just remembered. BM said that she was allergic to latex as well when FDH got one out. Derf. Who knows if she really was or if it was trying to prevent him from using one. They'll say anything, really.
They really will, I've half a
They really will, I've half a mind to encase the next CS check in latex just to see. But with my luck, she really would be deathly allergic. But, hey, two birds one stone right? Hehe. I kid, I kid.
Unlike those trolls, I have a sensitivity to latex, but, I actually use the non-latex kind to avoid surprises.
Oh yes, I'd dearly love to
Oh yes, I'd dearly love to test out that little theory. Hehehe
I know exactly what you
I know exactly what you mean.... in my case, my bf was "talking" to the bm for a while, she was a friend of his sister's. They dated for a bit. He said nothing serious. Which I translate to the fact that they slept together casually.
Oh guess what.. oops! She's prego.. and what's even crazier is her birth control pills that she was supposedly on..well, she never said she was actually birth control.. she said he just assumed that.
He said he thought she was on the pill or he would have not had sex with her.
12 years later.... Yeh, whatever. I just think that the bm really got knocked up bc she thought that my bf would marry her. I read the letters that he has stored in his secret box. Yep, that's what she thought.
She practically begged him in the letters to marry her so she could be his wife and they could be a family. blah blah blah.
And that my friends is why she got pregnant.
I seriously think that the bm flip flops. I think part of her regrets what she did bc she has to deal with my bf. He can be a butt when he wants, too.
But at the same time, she keeps telling everyone how alike he and her current spouse are, even her daughter!!
That's gross!!! I think that she's still got a thing for him. She calls him all the time to talk to him about nothing that matters. Funny bc now she doesn't call when he's at home with me in the evening s anymore. Only when he's at work.
Strange. And when he was single..she was all up in his koolaid.. calling him all the time and confiding that her marriage was not very happy at that time.
Whatever..get a life is what I wanted to say to her!
I also don't know many men
I also don't know many men who are excited by cloth diapers; I honestly don't know how excited I am about cloth diapers
I wish it was just the un-excitement towards decorating. I feel it is deeper than that. The other night I was having what I thought were the worst cramps I have ever had in my life. Being my first pregnancy I began freaking out and woke up DH to let him know I was freaking out. I asked him what he thought I should do (at this point near tears in panic), should I call the doctor? What should I do? DH was upset because I was freaking out and told me to try and go to sleep and it would be better in the morning. I felt crushed (or maybe I was overreacting?) that DH was not at all concerned about it. He wants to remind me all the time that he has been through this experience before, but he couldn't give me any idea what the pain might have been from?! Really, DH!
I ended up waking my mom up at 3am calling in tears about my pain, she calmly told me that I should probably try and go to the bathroom and just sit there and wait, that I was most likely having gas, but that cramping was not uncommon.
My DH and I never really talk
My DH and I never really talk about how or why he chose this POS to be the mother of his children. In one way I'm glad I only have one looney bitch to contend with but everytime I see her, hear her voice, see her texts in my DHs phone I want to claw his eyes out. How could he not know what type of woman this was? I guess I'll never know. Although, a part of me is fully aware that the man he is today is COMPLETELY a different person and TODAY he would NEVER choose a scumbag like that. Clearly, he ended up with me.
OMG YES!!! If bf had worn one
OMG YES!!! If bf had worn one he would have known THEN that sd wasnt his-instead of being in doubt for pullling out when she was supposedly starting her pd-it was likely actually implantation bleeding from other sperm at that point -YUCK!!! Graffic and horrid, but that's reality.
He would have not married her, demanded a test right then, well life would be very different for him and I.
I was married 4 years and my first was planned-wasn't a great marriage then but heck I didn't know better and his abuse wasn't what it would become after I got preggos. My 2nd-well...I couldn't be on pill-was still breastfeeding, when after using withdrawl for YEARS succesfully he had an 'oops' (was told after the fact when I found out I was preggos again) before withdrawl...hmmm...thinks were bad, but you dont' deny sex to an abusive partner unless you want things to get worse. It was on a 'honeymooning' week. He was very aware of me not taking birth control=he also knew I wanted out, IMO it was HIS way of keeping me with him. I bet you anything HIS story is different, he probably used the 'she trapped me w/the second' line that so many women here get told. Oh well...I know the truth about myself and my bf, and that's what matters.
THAT SAID, if I had insisted on a condom second time around I wouldn't have my youngest son and I do not regret him for one second, even if I was devastated when I learned I was pregnant again. I know my bf would be happier, period-if he had worn a condom and been able to prove paternity over a decade ago.
Life is what it is though. The good and the bad.