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Baffled

Amanda's picture

Submitted by Amanda on Fri, 06/26/2009 - 4:40pm

Recently married six months ago. Seems everyone likes me but my stepkids. They are 24 and 28. They act like they like me but talk about me behind my back. I've done nothing wrong but they obviously feel threatened by me some how, just by being with their father One is the Golden child and the other very irresponsible. They ask their dad for money all the time or guilt him into it. When their dad and I first dated they were all for it, now seems they conspire together to keep me out of the loop on anything. My kids are very accepting of our relationship and want things to work for us. I don't know how to handle this. Part of me feels like not only am I the re-marriage, but I also come last in the relationship. Little confused here.

Comments

hopeful12's picture

Submitted by hopeful12 on Fri, 06/26/2009 - 4:55pm

Oh how I was my SD was an adult..... sorry day dreaming for that day but How does you r H feel about the "family"

OH & most importantly WELCOME Smile

~~It's been said that parenting is the toughest job in the world. Wrong. It's the second toughest: Stepparenting wins hands down.~~

Amanda's picture

Submitted by Amanda on Fri, 06/26/2009 - 7:06pm

my H was adopted and his only blood family are his kids. Ex is in another state. His adopted parents are both gone. He has two sibs that are also of no bloodline and are adopted too. His oldest child can do no wrong and his youngest he just feels sorry for. I've brought my issues up tactfully and he simply gets defensive and twists things around. Thanks for the welcome. I am in the process of buying books about this. My husband started a business and now they are wanting to get involved because they know about the business. One asked who would be on the account and the other one is so smart that it's a given he will be in charge. They have meet with him regularly now, without me present. They must feel threatened by my existence. I am really not trying to be negative, this just sucks. I feel like second everything until it comes to the bedroom.

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Fri, 06/26/2009 - 7:52pm

That the situation is actually often the worst when you marry after your skids are adults. Seems like it would be the opposite, doesn't it? But from what I've read, it's MUCH worse for a new stepmother in that situation than for a new stepfather. Stepfathers who gain adult stepkids are mostly just seen as mom's companion, and not much of a threat or even a parental presence at all. Stemoms, on the other hand, are seen as manipulative gold-diggers who conned the father into marrying them. I dunno why, maybe in part because of all the examples in movies where a young bombshell marries an old guy and bilks him out of his money (and the kids' inheritance!) while the children watch helplessly. Seems pretty clear that your skids are threatened in this way (as I see from their need to get involved in their father's business and exclude you).

One book I definitely recommend is Stepmonster. It has a chapter that deals with this issue. Maybe you should have your H read it. It might help him understand what's going on, and maybe help him grow a pair in making it stop.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)