Is that they don't talk about us at her house and they don't talk about her at ours. We gently explained early on that unless they need help with a specific problem, we don't need to hear a rundown of every single thing their mother says and does. And we also explained that she and her husband probably don't want to hear them constantly talking about us. The smaller ones don't really think about it how their words impact others. They just talk. We had to explain how hearing constant talk about your former spouse can be irritating to yourself and your new spouse. We also had to explain that what happens at her house is not really any of our business and vice versa. Eventually, they caught on.

Also, we had to get an unlisted landline phone number and did NOT give that to BM. She has DH's cell phone number if she needs to talk to him about the kids and if it's not a convenient time to take the call, then he let's it go to VM. She can email us any time, but we can decide when to check for and respond to her emails.

I think there are ways to prevent the BM from invading your home and your life if your DH is on board with setting some boundaries and putting up some barricades to protect your inner sanctum. I'm sorry you had a bad day!

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

before FH met me he told his kids, what your mom does at her place is her business and what I do at mine is my business.
and it has worked well the kids dont say my mom and I did this or that..
of course it is hard to hear about what they did without once in a while mentioning the mom, but they are not bratty about it.
and they way love their dad and would never want to hurt him.

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

My dh is at her beck and call. He doesn't see it that way at all though. To him, he is making sure his kids are taken care of.

Georgie

Our BM (BTW-she's for sale to the LOWEST bidder)insists that the kids "report" what goes on here after we drop them off, then we can look forward to her usual (false) accusation filled, hateful emails.
Problem is, what the kids tell her are either half-truths, twisted truths or TOTAL LIES!!! They have become very inventive with what they tell their BM.
And like you, they just blurt out what goes on at their BM's. We believe this is because they know it's wrong and are questioning the way they live. I have to admit though, they've become a lot less forth-coming as of late.
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"

I hate hearing about BM to an extent. She doesn't communicate with the kids at all. In order for us to get them comfortable about communicating their feelings, we have to be able to genuinely listen to what they tell us about her. The kids understand that we are interested in THEIR lives, and that it is ok to tell us about things that they do at BM.

We took this tack after finding out that SS had received and been injured by wearing heelies (sp?) He knew that his dad wouldn't buy them because they weren't allowed at school or in many public places here so he hid them and the fact that he had them from us. We realized that she was encouraging them to hide things and lie to us. We decided that however much we hated hearing about her and hearing her name, we owed it to the kids to try and teach them abotu open and honest communication. We don't pump them unless we hear about something unsafe (remember the no bathroom doors for 4 mos????) or something disturbing - like when BM's live in BF moved out after only a few months and the kids were devastated. She hadn't talked to them or comforted them in any way - only told them a few days prior that hte BF and his kids were moving and that they wouldn't see them anymore. Of course, in her screwed up world, she is back with the BF and his kids are over - Skids are thoroughly confused.

Anyway, in our situation we feel that we need to be available to listen to the kids no matter our level of discomfort. If there are things that I don't want BM to know, I insist that fiance doesn't talk about it with or in the presence of the kids. That keeps the most private parts of our relationship private and allows the kids to feel like they don't have to hide things that happen here.