Ajchick's Blog

No idea what to do

DF may not be fiance anymore. Even though I've talked with him about the issues I have with SD5, and they seem to be improving a little, I think I still want out. The fact that I have had to fight and threaten to break-up with him makes me want to give up. My health is not so good right now, I'm very unhappy, and I've become a major bitch. I used to be a young, healthy, positive person. I despise what I have become.

We had THE talk

Yesterday was my birthday. DH took the kid home early so we could celebrate. We ended up getting into an arguement instead. Initially the arguement wasnt directly about sd, but endend up being about her.
He was upset with me because of something I had done to piss him off. Well, after getting an ass chewing for longer than I thought was deserved, I got pissed off. That's when I unloaded months worth of aggravation onto him. There was so much that was discussed that I couldnt even get it all down, but I will summarize the best I can.

Not my child

When my FH and I decided that we planned on having a future together he said to me that it was important that I loved his D5. I said I did, but of course it was not true. There is no way that I could love a child that I hardly knew. We get her every weekend and I work at night on the weekends and have to sleep during the day. But I tried my best to show her love the best way I knew how. Then we found out that we were having a baby (which would have been my first) around Christmas, he broke down and cried and said that he was afraid that I would have the attitude of it being "our baby" vs.

Jealous of a child

I am engaged to a great guy that has a darling 5 yo girl. Well everyone else thinks so anyway. Actually he is only great to me when she isn't around here lately. I have never been married and have no kids so I'm not the most patient stepmom. I am jealous of this kid and since my miscarriage 3 weeks ago I despise being around her. When I was still expecting and we went shopping or when I would talk about our baby he would interrupt me to talk about her when she was a baby. She is "daddy's little girl" and she knows it. He caters to her every whim when we get her EVERY weekend.

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