Composing this from my phone, in bed, which I never do. Usually at work... so excuse the emotional excess.

Today sucked and tomorrow we are throwing a big birthday bash for SS. I expect 25 people. We never do big parties but decided a summer cookout/party would be a good idea this year. I definitely put my heart into getting this in order for him. DH found some side work (!!!!!) and was busy working today...

I ran around getting everything needed for the party. Cleaned. Straightened out the patio. He wasn't going to make it to get skids so he asked me to, but when he hung up I realized he didn't specify where the bus stop is. I very rarely do a pick up or drop off and never off the bus because usually I work. I know semi close to their home but not the same street and I wasn't positive if it was 3:20 or 3:40 drop off.

He couldn't talk at first day on the job and I knew I had to call BM. She pressed ignore twice. Refused to speak to me and demanded via text to him that he get them - she's not dealing with me(?). By this time I was pissed off, unwilling to try to fight city hall (at a public bus stop...no thanks!) and in the middle of errands ...So he got out of the job early and got them. Because him making money isn't important if it isn't in her pocket.

I was so mad. I feel like I am gum on the bottom of a shoe. I spend all day caring too much once again because I never learn, and I'm treated like some pedophile who can't get them off the bus.

I also loathe family gatherings when our families combine. I don't enjoy making things nice for people who expect it rather than recognize it and express gratitude. basically it's awkward social interaction and these birthdays occur yearly so I don't know why they still deeply affect me on some weird emotional level. Or if I'm even making sense.

Basically step life makes me hate holidays and birthdays. Because they're somehow always fucking annoying and complicated. Kind of sad.