I guess DH has had some time to think...
DH must have spent yesterday thinking about the skids situation. Which is actually a surprise because normally he just acts like everything is peachy keen
Here are some of the highlights of our conversation:
He's not reaching out to OSD or YSD until they learn to grow up. (I don't agree with this. I think that he should try to talk through things and get things fixed but he says until they grow up it's just going to be a cycle of this behavior.)
He doesn't feel the need to text them and go back and forth in texts when they send him passive aggressive texts. (I understand this. So fine no texting, but set up time to work through the issues.)
They are all grown with their own families and need to be worrying about their men and babies and not what we are doing at our house. (True)
That he feels like YSD calling that late to come over was a set up. In his words "I know my kids... I already am on to their games." (I'm actually surprised he thought about this and surprised that he felt like she was playing games too.)
That the girl skids are strongly influenced by BM and act just like her which makes it difficult for him when they act out like this because he knows how toxic BM is. (BM is a HUGE factor in why things are the way they are)
That we have our life together and the skids need to understand that since they are grown and should be living their lives. (True)
He said he told SS (on Saturday before all of this drama went down, when SS was over for a cookout/party we were having) "I don't know what the deal is with your sisters" and SS said "Mom". So not sure what their conversation was but that comment is all that DH shared with me.
One day the skids will grow up and realize how they have acted. (I don't think this will happen)
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I don't agree with DH "ignoring" the skids until they reach out to him. I told him too much time can pass and he won't know his grand kids and things can happen (death) so he might regret this approach. I think they need to talk things out and work through it. However, he thinks they are too immature at this time for it and that it won't solve anything until they aren't so heavily influenced by BM.
He also says he understands why I don't/didn't want the skids over to the house because of the stuff they say to me and he agrees that they don't have to be in our house to have a relationship but he does think when his family is over I need to make that exception. I don't agree with that. If they are assholes, they are assholes. Doesn't matter who is in town. Plus it just makes things uncomfortable, like just because family is in town we need to act like there are no issues????
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I am just going to take it one day at a time. I am not responsible for how DH handles his relationship with his children. I think he's tired of the drama and them being mad (though I do understand it to a degree) if he doesn't do X, Y, Z as they expect. It's VERY much how BM is, so I think he's struggling with that.
I have blocked them out of my life so there should be no way for them to get a hold of me, see things that I post, etc. I did explain to DH that my relationship with them have no bearing on his relationship with them at this point.
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seems like you found peace
seems like you found peace Zero....
and you are so right, we are not responsible for the relationships skids have with their bio's....
I don't agree with DH's
I don't agree with DH's approach but I'm going to accept it. Of course it benefits me in that I will less likely deal with his kids. But it goes bother me in thinking of what the consequences may be down the road or what his friends/family think they know about the situation and that I am the bad guy... I don't like that... but I can't help what other people think. They don't know the situation from mine and DH's pov.
It sounds like your DH is
It sounds like your DH is disengaging as well....and I agree that the SD s are likely to not grow up and realize how they have acted. They likely will carry this BM influenced chip on their shoulder forever.
My OSD is in her 40's, no change in sight. When you have behaved a certain way for so long, you need an incentive to change.
I don't think he should give them the perception of working things out by chasing them, which is what they want right now. But I do think he needs to communicate that he will not accept their behavior as it has gone on for years. That he would very much like a relationship with them and his gkids, but he will not allow passive aggressive attacks on him or his wife. That he is willing to go to counseling with them to discuss things, but the verbal attacks are over. Then your DH has said his piece and left it up to them how to proceed. No regrets.
At this point, you need to remove them from your mind. The relationship between his kids and grandkids is his responsibility. Be thankful he is not willing to sacrifice you to play doormat to his kids.
He sees them as being
He sees them as being manipulative in wanting him to chase after them. He said "they need to worry about their own men." :O So I think he is a little put off by their recent actions/comments.
I think so too! The girl
I think so too! The girl skids are overall exhausting. It has ALWAYS been like that. Even when things were good between all of us they are like chaos and a tornado and mentally and emotionally and financially draining. DH has admitted that he has really preferred his life the past few years. He said he really enjoys the peace and quiet and being able to go and do things and plan that for just 2 or 3 people.