SS10 Hates It Here
My husband and I have 50/50 custody of my SS10. We do the 2,2,5 schedule. The issue is my SS hates being at our house. He looks miserable every time he's dropped off and he calls his mom when something is bothering him even though he could easily come to me or his dad. Sometimes he's on the phone with her for over an hour and recently he's taken to lying about calling her (though we've never told him he can't or acted as if we disapprove).
The reason he prefers her house is he is the center of the universe there and over here is more real life. His mom coddles the "f" out of him. I've seen her tie his shoes and cuddle him like a baby after he stubbed his toe. He's 10! He has no chores or responsibilities at her house and she plans her days with him completely around him, giving him her complete attention. In short, he has a captive audience there and here, I would argue, he's treated like a normal kid.
It's killing my husband that this is the situation and he he is very depressed that he has such a strained relationship with his son. But I feel like he's actually parenting his kid and it will be better for him in the long run. What does everyone think? Anyone have a similar situation. I'm growing to resent my SS and his mom because of all of this.
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If the BM will not cooperate
If the BM will not cooperate and tell the kid to ask his Dad, then you are going to have to find a way to limit the communication. Does he have his own cell phone? Is he using the house phone? I would find some way to limit the contact so that he is not spending an hour on the phone with her. That is ridiculous on your husband's visitation time. The cell phone would need to be deposited with your husband when he gets to your house. Has your husband talked to him about this?
Mmm
If he doesnt want to be there. Do not force him anymore. Let him be the first to request contact. You cannot force his feelings, he prefers his mother.
Ss12 hates it here too
Ss12 hates it here too because he is the center of attention and only child/grandchild at hers too. We are long distance and he comes here 2-4x a year (except this year because of Covid - it's been so nice!) we do not allow him to have a phone here so he can't call BM except on DHs phone. If BM keeps treating him like a baby and gives him everything he wants, he will start to hate being there and will probably eventually refuse visits. DH went to visit SS in his town recently and he was sullen and moody. Once he was on his way back to being dropped off at BMs he perked up. Can't fight the coddling BM influence, unfortunately. I personally don't care if SS comes around -and I keep him away from my two Little's, bit DH obviously does.
K.I.S.S.
Keep it simple.
Take the phone as soon as he arrives and return it when he is getting out of the car ar moms.
Simple, easy, no muss, no fuss, no problems.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Mopey lippy kids with attitude learn that moping, lippy attitude bullshit delivers them a life of increasing misery until they knock their crap off.