Why punish the kids???
I am so upset...BM keeps signing SD & SS up for sports and THEY DO NOT WANT TO PLAY! let me clarify.....they do not want to play on the weekends they are with us. According to SD they don't mind going when they are with BM because she says all they do is stay stuck in the house so going to their games gets them out of the house.
When they are with us, they don't want to go....they want to spend the time with their dad, and we are always planning things to do with them during their time with us. Back in October, I emailed BM and told her there was some conflict with the sports scheduling....we had plans on some of the weekends, and the kids are telling us they don't want to go. She asked how we wanted to handle it and I told her that dad said IF the kids want to go then he will be more than happy to take them, but if they did not want to go then he felt like he wanted to make better use of his time with them...since his time with them is limited (visitation). Of course she disagreed, etc. said it wasn't fair to the teams...and I understand that...but she signs them up for different sports, never asks dad, just emails me a schedule we are to abide by for his weekends. moving forward....this past saturday both kids had basketball games....the usual...did not want to go. last thurs. BM called dad to ask if he was taking them & his answer was IF they want to go then yes. she blew up that this was allowing the kids to tell HIM what to do....his answer was .....they don't want to go and you keep signing them up so if i take them then YOU are telling me what i'm going to do with my time with them! ok...we took them home to BM yesterday afternoon (sunday) about 15 min. after we dropped them off, SS called dad whispering that mom was really mad and was making them get showers and go to bed b/c they didn't go to their games. SD got on phone and told him that "mom said you were a lazy son of a b****, too lazy to take us to our games. i told her that we had plans and then she said you were a lying a** b/c that wasn't what you told her when she called last thurs. and then she said that was fine, she was taking you back to court" SHE IS SOOOO WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING FOR STARTERS....BUT WHY TELL THIS TO THEIR DAUGHTER???????? i am furious, dh is heartbroken, he just cried after the call from them. I don't know what to do, yes we could try to get custody, but i don't know if we can afford the cost of attorneys.....last round over child support and visitation cost us $10,000, and I have heard it takes ALOT to get children away from their mother. on top of all this, the thought of that worries me...i have a very trying relationship with SS...he is very troubled. not that that is reason to turn our backs by any means, but i firmly believe thatsome of his behavior could actually cost me custody of my own daughter. (see previous posts) sorry, guess i just needed to vent.
thanks, sherry
- 2beach's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Why can't they just keep
Why can't they just keep their mouths shut in front of the kids?! I'm not saying this strictly about BMs, by the way, but about any parent who would lash out at or in front of their children in anger at the children's other parent. THIS IS WHY THERE IS SO MUCH CONFLICT IN THE STEP SITUATION! That's why we're called "blended" families... because we've all been put through a blender and been chopped, diced and pureed into oblivion. Jeez Louise!
Okay, you can't do a thing about the other parent acting like a jerk. We simply can't control the behavior of others. And talking to her obviously isn't an option... you can't reason with an irrational person and you can't argue with a drunk, two things I've learned in life. You can sue for custody and, even if you do win, that only means that she'll be in your face even more. You can't do nothing, but what can you do?! If you find a solution for this, please, please, please, PLEASE let me know what it is, because I've been looking for a way to deal with this issue for five long years.
~ Anne ~
You said it well, Anne.
I agree completely. If there were answers to these challenging questions, there wouldn't be a need for this site! Parents, bio or step shouldn't argue or discredit one another in front of kids....it just creates havoc for them and makes them feel badly about themselves.
I have a question, why does it seem that the stepmoms have to do so much in organizing things and communicating with the husband's ex? Why can't they do it? Triangulation always creates more complexity.
Who knows?!
Probably because they exes can't talk to each other without wanting to strangle each other. I know that I can do fine dealing with her via email, but I NEVER answer the phone when she calls, because she only calls to rage. I know that my husband can deal better with her new husband, because he's not vested in the fight, either. Sometimes the communication works better with a buffer, if it's a hostile situation.
~ Anne ~
Thanks...I was curious...
I didn't deal with his ex, except once when the kids asked me to discuss Christmas with her the first year that we were married. It was an interesting discussion. She tried to be my buddy and was very friendly. But I didn't do this much beyond this one time because I found that if the agreement made didn't work out, then I was the bad guy, my husband was off the hook for any accountability. So I steered away from that. But if it works, that is great! Whatever makes life easier?
Exactly, every single time
Exactly, every single time dh and bm tried to work something out, even something simple, it ended in a screaming match. and unfortunately, the kids would be with one of them so they would hear it. once i started handling most things with her....as much as i hate to hear her voice, or see her name on an email, things did become more peaceful. i came to realize though, after about 20 stabs in the back and 50 slaps in the face, that she was only peaceful and friendly WHEN SHE WAS GETTING HER WAY. as soon as something didn't work out in her favor...warpath! when i caught her lying to the counselor SS was seeing was when i started seeing her for what she really is and cut my ties with her. now she is even more frustrated because i cut ties and DH cut ties ages ago and she has neither one of us to be the victim of her rage. i said this before, but i know the right thing to do would be to try to get custody of the kids, they are not in a good environment with her, but until things change with SS....read my first blog for details about the dog, etc..... i just don't think i can risk losing my own children, especially my youngest daughter, my oldest is 16 and able to make her own decisions.
sherry