SS12.5 and crying
This is a change for me, I am actually posting in concern for SS12
I've known him 3 years now, and the crying has only gotten worse. He's 12 1/2 now, so I figure close enough to go into the teenage forum area.
My first experience with him and the crying was when we went to our family cabin all together for the first time. He cried the entire weekend. It was December and it was raining. He thought because it was raining that we couldn't do anything that day. He cried when his dad laid down for a nap. I am not sure of the reasoning behind that one. When we took him up the mountain to make a sled run, he started crying because it was instantly there for him and we had to "make" it with shovels. I had a feeling the cabin would be an issue as we don't have TV or Internet there...but not to that extent.
So it's just progressed now into competition type things that upset him and make him cry.
We went fishing, and everyone was catching fish but him, so he took in his line and sat at the other end of the dock and cried. It wasn't until I reeled mine in and gave him my "spot" where I was fishing that he was happy again and fishing.
I've posted before that he's way too involved with sports that it's become unhealthy. He cries during baseball and he cries during basketball. I thought the new league he started playing with this summer was going to be good for him because the team is very competitive within itself and the coaches are pretty intimidating men .....but no. He throws tantrums when he feels the ref's called something wrong, or something wasn't fair, or a foul wasn't called, etc etc etc. If he isn't right, he cries. He then has to sit out and just sits on the bench sniffling away while his family watches him.
He's way too competitive and way too hard on himself. We do not know what he is like at his mom's house as my fiance and her were separated when he was born. I know he feeds himself a lot and I think she considers him more grown up than he is at all, and puts too much responsibility on him for his age.
Last weekend we had him, she called him while we were shopping and was upset that he didn't pack his bag for his grandmas house the next day and that she gave grandma his house key so he had no way of getting into the house to get a bag together now unless he went home that day.(No idea why she wasn't going to be home or where she was going) Of course she wasn't offering to come get him, she wanted my fiance to bring him home early on his weekend with his son because she didn't remember to have him pack a bag Friday??? So he completely loses his mind in the store and starts bawling. I just had bug eyes O____O
I mean I can go on, most of the reasons for crying are just completely ridiculous.
Sunday ....my fiance has him cutting grass with scissors around the sprinkler heads where the weed whacker missed. SS12 comes into the house crying and I still here my fiance mowing. SS12 is holding his hand like he hurt it and I asked if he cut himself. He said yes. I asked him if he needs help and did he show his dad? He said he showed his dad and ran upstairs. He closes the door in the bathroom and all I hear is snot sniffling and whimpering. I ask him to come in, and he shows me a little tiny blister......So he didn't cut himself and I am like omg....why are you crying over a blister that you obviously got from a basketball....(thoughts in my head) So I bring him a bandaid and that is that. I ask my fiance later what on earth was going on ....turns out ss12 was pulling up the grass roots and dirt and all and got told that was not what was asked of him and that he was not to uproot the grass and .......dun dun duuuuuuuuun.......he lost his mind and ran inside crying.
He can't take any criticism from his dad AT ALL. SS12 was practicing his bating swing in the living room a few weeks ago and my fiance started helping him, fixing his posture or whatever......nope......melt down. And my fiance never raises his voice at him and is never mad at him. I think honestly he talks to him too much like an equal than a child.
It's like he has so much pressure to be perfect and not to upset his dad that he just loses his mind?? Why is he so emotional?? He can't even accept help on anything because then it's like admitting that he is wrong and he can't be wrong because he's a know it all and then he just cries.
This isn't normal right?????? Even his grandmother now is really concerned that he really does have some serious emotional issues and that's saying a lot because you know grandmas think their grandchildren are perfect in every way.
I tell my fiance over and over that something is wrong and I think my fiance really just doesn't want to face it and doesn't want to even bring it up to BM because that will start WWIII.
He's going into Jr. High this fall and I am worried for him. This is the age where kids are really mean and it only gets worse. I don't see how he's not already being made fun of on his teams for all the crying.
My concerns to my fiance are not going anywhere ...........can anyone reply that if they too went through this or do you think he really has a serious problem that needs to be addressed in counseling? His mom is a elementary school teacher too....I wonder if she is concerned at all because she should know it's not normal for all this competitiveness and crying.
I suggested taking a break from sports and trying boy-scouts or something with little to no competition.......NOPE! got the big "NO NO NO my son is in sports because that's all I did"....and I really think they are half of the problem but that won't change. One baseball game he even threw his glove on the ground, stomped on it, and then started crying. =/ not good.
Thanks for reading.
Thank you for your reply! Now
Thank you for your reply! Now the thing is, he is not getting rewarded for crying within the past year. I can see how in that fishing trip that I rewarded him by giving him my fishing hole but as of this year its mostly all crying over his sports games or crying when dad tries to help him or even just talk to him. He doesn't get coddled when he cries, my fiance just asks him why on earth is he crying and why he can't even hold a conversation with him. He (fiance) goes to talk to him about his tantrum cry fit after the game, and then that results in more crying because he "upset" dad by doing so?? I don't know. But ss12 doesn't get hugged or pat on the head over it. It's gotten to the point where his dad just tells him to knock it off.
Basically, every weekend we have ss12, he cries.
Oh I forgot to say also, the last games he played they were shortened to 7 min quarters instead of 20min halves (basketball) and he started crying because he didn't "get as much time to play" ............. We just let him cry and kept walking. And this isn't just a team of 8 kids, this group has about 25 kids sitting on the bench wanting to play and you would think that you wouldn't want to be caught dead crying around them.
Interesting point about faking illness. ...my fiance has mentioned before that sudden illness and such is brought on because of BM. She has some sort of digestive issue, its not crones but she ends up in the hospital often for it and my fiance believes SS12 makes up stomach issues so he can be like mom. Like some sort of a mini mom hypochondriac. But Sunday was the only time I ever had him tell me something that wasn't true about an injury. And he didn't want attention for it, he wanted to go upstairs and cry by himself, I was in the way of his cry fest by trying to bring a bandaid.
Your post makes me LOL and
Your post makes me LOL and cringe at the same time. My son has always been a well rounded, good natured, calm person. EXCEPT around the age of 14. He went through about 3-6 months of crying at the drop of a hat. It was so crazy. Seeing this 6ft teen/man crying over NOTHING. lol
He even knew it was stupid but he could not control it at times. Thankfully it did not last long and he has not gone through that again. (21 year old now).
Hopefully it is just a phase and will stop once his hormones calm down.
What you've described sure
What you've described sure sounds serious enough to get outside help. If it was a phase he would have quit by now. It's lasted the 3 years you've known him. Depression caused by a chemical imbalance tops my list but don't lead the doctors with any diagnosis'.
I would start with a complete physical exam. Head to toe, with all blood, urine and fecal tests. I'm not walking the once over he may have gotten to get into sports. No a complete physical. Of course he'll cry at the needle poke but it can't be avoided. If it is depression his pediatrician can probably prescribe a off-setting pill.
If all is OK there then its off to a child counselor.
Meanwhile have you Google it? teen constantly crying
I'm with OC, after 3 years I
I'm with OC, after 3 years I don't think this is just a phase. And I don't think it's parenting either, on Mom or Dad's part - no one "did this to him", he's just wired that way.
I don't think this is a HUGE deal, but I do think he needs to learn some coping strategies. You're right, if this continues he's going to end up a target in high school, and that would be awful.
Have you approached his Dad with more of a "what can we do to help" tactic, rather than "your son's behavior is not normal"? (As a parent, if someone told me "over and over that something is wrong" with my child, I'd just get totally pissed off and defensive. It would not go well.) Try something more like this, "It must be hard for him not to know how to handle all the hormones and emotional swings that come with puberty. Maybe he could learn some coping strategies from a counselor? I hate to see him suffering like this!" It's empathetic, and your fiance can hardly argue that "letting him suffer" is a good thing. Plus it puts the "blame" on something chemical and normal (who cares what's really the issue, as long as he can get some help?) instead of making his son out to be weird.
He is 12.5. Time for the "if
He is 12.5. Time for the "if you are going to cry drop your drawers bend over, assume the position and I will light your ass up with a belt to give you something to cry about."
What a load of bullshit just like most of the countless millions of kids with pseudo science bullshit childhood behavioral syndromes.
As for the fishing, dad should have grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, marched him to a tree, put his nose against the tree and told him not to move until he stopped the crying bullshit. This is what needs to happen every time he does this regardless of where he does it. At a sports even, yank his ass off the court/field and put his nose against the fence, wall, etc.. and he does not move until he knocks the bullshit off.
My nephew is a crier. He cries about everything. When he is with us or my parents we don't tolerate that shit. When my brother or SIL are around it is coddling "what is wrong?" bullshit that ruins everyone's time together.
My SS pulled this same shit at that age. His mom and I did not tolerate it so he rarely did it with us. He would do it frequently with the kids in the neighborhood who finally had enough and would either torment incessantly about it or just leave him crying and not allow him to go with them. The younger brother of one of his close friends finally refused to participate if "the crybaby" was going to be included. This kid was awesome. He would call my SS on the crybaby bullshit "OMG! He is crying again!". Eventually the Skid quit leaving the house. That lasted for a year or more. No issue, if he was crying we just stuck him in a corner and not move until he knocked that shit off. He did it rarely around us.
Grrrrr!
IMHO of course.
SDstb19 (who has ONE WEEK
SDstb19 (who has ONE WEEK until her bday) cries at the drop of a hat. Because it works with DH. As long as we don't ask her to do anything and we agree with her F'ed up opinions, then we have no worries!! Yay! As soon as we ask her to clear the table, or inhale, or exhale, or like in my thread, for example, tell her that her younger sister's school studying wasn't up to HER, it was up to US, the adults,....well she had a shit hemmorage and tried to storm out of the room CRYING.
She always blames it on PMS and says she will always be that way. CRYING THE ENTIRE TIME. AT AGE 19. NOTHING is ever her fault. It's always someone elses fault, or some external force, that makes her cry. RIGHT. Gimme a break!
Only lately has DH called her on it more often, because I keep reminding him of her damn AGE.
Don't tolerate it. They do it because IT WORKS. Time to parent and quit walking on eggshells like we have been at our house. We'll get there.
~ Moon
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your replies!
I think it's a mix of getting everything under the moon and never being told no. He's very spoiled and always gets what he wants.
I appreciate all the insight
BS19 has a friend who used to
BS19 has a friend who used to be this way. I've been friends with the kid's mom for years...our boys basically grew up together. I love her dearly, but she has always been one of those moms who was way overprotective of her son, and ran to comfort him every time he cried! The kid would cry at the drop of a hat! Forget a line in the school play? Start crying and give up...during practice!!! Being friends with my son was a gift to the kid...took years, but BS19 finally got the kid to toughen up! They are still close friends!
I was hoping this new
I was hoping this new basketball league with tough kids and tough coaches would do the trick but it hasn't. I am hoping that once Jr High rolls around this fall that it just won't be acceptable by his friends and that will end it but I am not holding my breath. My fiance might have to take him to a professional and address these issues and actually be told that he shouldn't be in competitive activities because it's too much for him to handle.
My cousin was exactly like
My cousin was exactly like that. He would cry for all sorts of things, but especially in competitive situations. Losing in boardgames, soccer, doing a tiny little error on school tests and so on. He was doing this until he was about 14. The other kids were mocking him, but I don't think he was able to control himself. He is a nice young man of 19 now. So kind and polite