SD18 "Hate Journal"
So through no fault of my own, I found SD18's "Hate Journal" -- it stated it was for her to "keep track of all the times that momof5 ticks me of".
Inside of this journal it stated "F*** you momof5" -- "I hate momof5" "Momof5 is a bitch and I hate her". In it were episodes that I remember, but not quite like she remembered them. It was horrible. It started in 2008 through to fairly recently. Then to top it off I found out that she was bad mouthing me around town saying that I am "mean" and "hate all her friends." She and SS20 even told one of her friends (who was 18 and pregnant) that I hated her. I asked SD18 why she would do such a thing - and she said that she and SS20 thought it would be funny. Yah.
So SD18 left a couple of days after she graduated and left to go live with her mother, whom she hasn't seen in several years due to a restraining order. She told my DH that she misses it here (in our state) and misses her friends. Sends him this beautiful Father's Day card and its all mushy calling him "Daddy" and "love from your little girl." I told my DH that I actually vomited a little in my mouth after he read it to me.
She is a vile human being -- and absolutely nasty to me. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.
So she is coming back in about two weeks for SS22's wedding with her half brother from her Mom's second marriage/affair. I told my DH I DID NOT want her allowed in our house at all, especially with her half brother.
I know I have to forgive her, but I'm so not there yet. My DH keeps telling me that the journal entries weren't that recent. Oh, now I feel better. But keep in mind it was just a few months ago she was bad mouthing me -- so really, has her tone changed since the journal?? I don't think so!
Her older sister, SD23 (almost 24) also left a journal out that I saw that had similar stuff in it -- about how much she hated me, how I am a bitch, refers to me as "crazy", "Psycho", etc.
What do I do?? He has four kids -- and I like one of them. SS22 who is getting married. The other three could fall off the planet and I wouldn't miss them.
I just don't want all that hate around me anymore.
The thing that is frustrating is that I have done so many things for her, so many nice things -- and it's like she doesn't remember ANYTHING! What the heck?!
Personally, I like
Personally, I like journaling. It's helped me out immensely in the past. My SDs keep journals, but if they were to move, they'd pack them up to take with them. Maybe sd left that at your house for you to discover. Who knows.
But what I know is that I agree with you- she shouldn't be going into your house. If there's anything she wants, dh can mail it to her. They can meet up elsewhere.
I admire you for deciding to forgive her at some point. Like JFK said, though, forgive your enemies but never forget their names. Be civil to her, but be alert. She sounds like she has a lot of issues and very untrustworthy.
How is that diary different
How is that diary different from what people post here about their stepkids?
And... why did you think it was okay to read it?
Okay -- to begin with I was
Okay -- to begin with I was cleaning my house and came acrossed a notepad. She does not live with us -- I had no idea what it was, so opened it up and yes at the very front it said "HATE JOURNAL" -- and also stated "For me to keep track of how many times momof5 ticks me off" -- then first page next to that (without me turning anymore pages) it starts off saying "I hate ***" "F*** you (myname)" ETC. You tell me...at that point would YOU be able to put that down or would you be in shock and turn the pages. She had only written in about 10 pages, but the filth was shocking.
I did not go though anything of hers and it wasn't like I went looking for it.
There is no reason for you to
There is no reason for you to have a relationship with them. I can't stand my SD17 and she is not welcome in our house or my life. DH can see her if he wants, but I do not want her in our lives...
These girls sound evil and why would you want anyone toxic in your life. You need to make your DH understand that. Mine does, he knows that nothing good can come of SD being near me. I expect an apology for past behavior and he has asked her for it and she says no. So with that, our relationship if non-existent....
You really answered your own
You really answered your own question about what to do. "The other three could fall off the planet and I wouldn't miss them. "
Just pretend like they did fall off the face of the earth as much as possible. You will have some occasions when you will be in the same place (like the wedding) but just try to ignore them. Say hello and be civil if they are near you but don't cross the room to talk to them.
Hate is a destructive emotion. Your goal should just be total indifference towards them. Let your DH see them off site.
SM 1994 -- you're totally
SM 1994 -- you're totally right. It's weird, I thought I had responded to you and others, but it's not showing -- weird!
I was her at SS22's rehearsal dinner, and neither she nor her sister even talked to me! I know -- give me your shocked face!
SD18 did say thanks for the dinner, but her sister looked right at me and said nothing -- in front of her Dad. He was pissed. But his response was that "oh that's just (her name)". So I said "I guess that's ok then, cuz its her behavior and typical?"
Whatever -- I just have to get through this wedding, and then hopefully don't have to see them for a while.
It’s just very typical of her and her typical behavior.
SD18 brought her half brother with her to the rehearsal dinner – talk about incredibly awkward! Half brother is the baby that her BM got pregnant with when she left my DH for another man. She left my DH and two weeks later was pregnant with SD18’s half brother! So now SD18 brings this child to the rehearsal dinner! Really??!! Do you think that was the BEST idea you’ve had SD18?? Come on! Even BM isn’t coming to the dinner or wedding. Granted the wedding is one thing, but to bring this kid to be around her dad. I think she is brain dead!
Truly excellent advice from
Truly excellent advice from StepAside. This is exactly what I would do!
Your sd's issues with you are their problem, don't let it become yours
These are not people you want in your life. They are simply negative energy you don't want around you. Disengage from them
My husband's eldest is also like this (your sd's) my attitude towards her is 'don't hate ya, certainly don't wish you any harm, just really don't want to be around you'
Ever since I've taken this stance with her, my stress, anger, and resentment where she is concerned has been greatly improved. Now I'm in control. Her actions don't affect me.
Burn the journal. Move on. Forgive them because they have issues, but remain disengaged (and enjoy your life with them not in it!)
I think I would duplicate the
I think I would duplicate the journal pages and drop a copy of them on your SD when she is in town for the wedding and tell her that you hope this clarifies why she is not welcome in your home.
IMHO forgiveness that is not earned is worthless. She must earn your forgiveness with her actions and appropriate behavior. Grant that forgiveness when you are confident she has earned it.
IMHO of course.
Thank you Rags, Dissolutioned
Thank you Rags, Dissolutioned and MamaC -- appreciate the encouragement! My DH ripped the journal up in front of me and tossed it. On forgiveness, what I've realized is that it is more for me than the person being forgiven. (if that makes sense?)
I thought about mailing the journal to her when I was angry, but decided that it would do no good. Having her out of the house has been wonderful.
The wedding wasn't easy, but tolerable! It's weird because SD18 and I have moments where I think there may be hope for our relationship, but then they pull back again. I think it must be out of loyalty to their Mom.
Why they can't realize that there is room for both of us, is beyond me. I mean, more people to love you? What a concept. Oh well.
What would have been good is
What would have been good is to write an entry in it and give back to SDs!
If my husband's daughter
If my husband's daughter disrespects me I told my husband she isn't allowed in our home. She must go. That's it. Broken parents... blah blah blah... does not give you the right to act like a bitch to anyone.