SD16 at it AGAIN!
I know I shouldn't be shocked -- and I'm not. We grounded SD16 from her phone for the summer because she had really bad grades at the end of the school year. She is entering her junior year this year in high school. She had under a 2.0 at the end of the school year. She did terribly.
When she was given the phone, the agreement was that she had to get As and Bs on her report card. She has shown that she is capable of doing this, so we didn't think this would be a problem.
So we take the phone at the start of summer. She didn't seem that upset, and it kind of puzzled me as to why. Well, I realized today why. She purchased herself another phone. Not sure when she did, but she's had one and been paying for it while we've been continuing to pay for this stupid other phone.
The thing that miffs me is that she was supposed to be GROUNDED -- punished with no phone for the summer due to bad grades. How is she going to learn any lessons if she can just pay her way out of it!??
So my DH gets back tomorrow night and he said that we'll deal with it tomorrow when he gets home. So I decided to have a little fun with it. I also figured out what her phone number was because she texted from it and we just assumed it was a friend's phone. So when she got home from school I telephoned it from my phone but had my phone in my pocket so she couldn't see that I was calling it, and she gets this alarmed look on her face because she wants to answer it but she can't because I'm right there. She looks at me, and I was looking at her --- so I said "what?" I did this like three times! LOL
Then at dinner time I did it twice, and both times she got up and ran out of the room and to her bedroom to answer the phone! LOL But I hung up before she could answer so she got interrupted from dinner twice --- oops! She was trying to hide the phone under a blanket and be all sneaky, but I could totally see what she was doing.
I have no idea what we should do. My DH didn't want to talk about it or deal with it while he was out of town --- so tomorrow night. Any ideas people? I'm wanting to not let her know that we know and keep messing with her! Keep making her pay for it (she pays $10 towards it) ....the other thought I had was cancelling the one we pay for and she just pays for the one she has and if she runs out of money then too bad, so sad. No money, no phone.
I like your idea of
I like your idea of cancelling the one that you pay for and make her pay for it. Also School is starting up and I remember loving the high school football games, I never missed one. You are better than me I wouldn't be able to wait.
I would definitely cancel the
I would definitely cancel the other phone. Is she supposed to get that one back soon? If so, I would really play it up-talk about getting her a really awesome phone-an iphone-whatever. Talk to her about how impressed and proud you are of her for not throwing a fit about the other phone and handling it like a mature young lady. Tell her you want to really reward her. You know, see if she has any conscience whatsoever. Then I would get my hands on the other phone and trash it. Leaving her with no phone whatsoever.
Remove her bedroom door. I'm
Remove her bedroom door. I'm sure she stayed up 1 too many nights talking on the phone. REMOVE THE DOOR. I say make her pay you back for the phone for the months she wasn't supposed to have it. Ground her from going out with friends. She has obviously proven that she can not be trusted. How can you trust her that she will not do something or anything that she is not supposed to be doing.....?
Also, you are WAY too nice and patient. I would have lost my cool with SD15stb16 if she ever did anything like that.
I would suggest taking it
I would suggest taking it away from her and setting up a long list of requirements for regaining your trust and phone privileges.
With my SD15, we had a similar situation. She had her cell phone taken away for poor grades and never cared about getting it back. She continued to fail to turn in assignments at school.
We learned later that her adult half-brother had sent her a cell phone he was paying for. It was very small and she was able to keep it hidden.
I went absolutely ballistic when I found out and took away all of her phone and computer privileges and all contact between her and her half-siblings. But she just whined, complained and threw more temper tantrums rather than actually working to get her privileges back.
I swear, if kids put 1/10th of the effort that they put into getting around punishments and rules into actually behaving, life would be so much easier.
Well, she came clean tonight.
Well, she came clean tonight. She did because she knew she'd been busted. She tells me that she wants to come clean and stop lying, that she knew that I was the one that was the private number calling her. She overheard me and DH talking about it. I told her the only reason she was coming clean was because she was busted. I even asked her if we hadn't have found out about it would she be coming clean, and she said no. Surprise.
So the water works start up, and she tells me that she wants to talk to me first because she thinks that I'll understand better than her Dad. So I'm listening. She says that she got the phone because she feels like she has no friends and her best friend (who is a boy) moved away and she just couldn't stand not being able to text him or talk to him when she wanted to. More huge alligator tears. And she says that she has no friends at school, and we just don't understand. Now keep in mind, this girl does have friends and is always doing something with someone, so this is a load of crap. It was all to get sympathy, manipulate and try and get out of being in trouble.
She told me I just didn't understand. I tried to point out to her all the friends she does have, and she didn't want to hear any of it. I did show sympathy for her in that area, but also in turn told her that because she chose to make this bad choice there were going to be consequences. I told her that her Dad was too angry to deal with it tonight and that she would have to wait. She did give over the phone voluntarily (surprised me), so I did take it.
I do like someone's idea of making her pay for the months she was supposed to not have the phone, which would be $60, then the cancellation fee of $70 we have to pay. Neither one of us really know what to do. We don't want to go overboard, but also want it to be severe enough that she gets it through her thick head that we will not tolerate bad behavior.
We'll see what happens tomorrow!
I suggest you check to make
I suggest you check to make sure the SIM card is still in the phone. If she takes that out, and manages to get her hands on another phone, then whammo, away she goes again.
I have had similar issues with SD15, time and time again. One rule in our house is that the phone goes in a clearly visible place in the kitchen (or whatever) room once she goes to bed. It is not to be taken into her bedroom, once it is time for bed.
As far as discipline/punishment etc. One thing that works for us to a certain extent is to ask her to write a list of 5 things she thinks would be a suitable punishment. See what she comes up with and go from there.
Good luck, keep us posted x
Sigh. Well, we talked to her
Sigh. Well, we talked to her last night. Actually went fairly well. She has to pay $70 cancellation fee, gives up both phones, and is grounded for a month.
Her sob story for the reason she bought the second phone was that she has no friends and there is this boy that she is "in love with" and that was why she had to have the phone. Bull! She has plenty of friends. She was trying to manipulate us with her tears, and by saying she has no friends and blah blah blah! Thankfully, my husband stood strong and didn't give in!!! WOW!!
So then today I found out through facebook that the one night we were out of town she went out without asking and was out past curfew....sigh. Great, one more thing to deal with.
she gave it up, only to get
she gave it up, only to get another!!!!! been there, done that!!!!!
My SD16 made the mistake of
My SD16 made the mistake of telling me a while back that she could cry on command. }:) Now when she cries I tell her to suck her tears back up in her head that I'm not buying it....amazingly the water works stop right away --- funny thing!
I'm seriously tired of dealing with all this stuff. Tired to the point that I don't know how much longer I want to continue this.
My SD17 does the same stupid
My SD17 does the same stupid kind of stuff. She lies and sneaks behind our backs. Only confesses when she gets caught. Then the waterworks start. Poor, pitiful her. She is so freakin' manipulative it's ridiculous. I can't tell you how many times the scenario that you have described plays out in our house. Right down to the part about her wanting to talk to just me instead of dad. Manipulative!