Last Friday night, as I had updated in my previous post, my 19 yo SD, (20 in 3 days) was told to pack up her bags and live back with her mother. The next day, my husband's brother passed away. So, a lot of what needed to be discussed had to take a "back seat" for a few days. 

Monday night, he tells me that his daughter is more than welcome to visit our home and that he will help/support her any way he can.

He was a bit "matter-of-fact" in his tone as if there was an underlying catalyst to his statement. I found it to be rhetorical and told him that of course she is welcome to visit and why wouldn't you help her when she needs some [reasonable] support? 

Because he wasn't sharing any further info, I had to investigate for myself. I checked his text messages between him and his daughter, and I am glad I did. Why? Because now what he said to me and how he said it made sense. 

She told him that her "problem" was not with him, but with me. 

She proceeded to bring up some things and twist them, that happened in the past.

She mentioned a time when my son, her, my H and I were all playing a game. She has some obnoxious behaviors like "screaming" loudly for no reason, in situations where say she's trying to win a race in a video game and almost loses, if that makes sense. Well, her father had told her a few times before that it is something her mother does that he hates. When she did this "scream" again during the game, I told her, "You're acting like your mom again." My H didn't say anything because it's true and she was told to stop doing that!

Well, she tells him in the text that she looked at him to see if he would say anything to me, and when he didn't, she ran upstairs and "cried in her room." I didn't say it in a mean way either. 

Ok, for one - what does this have to do with your poor behavior over the past FOUR years?

And for two - it's quite obvious you she is manipulating and inflating something in the past to gain her father's sympathy. 

She also brought up the time my husband got us the same gifts for VD, 2 years ago (see my first post about it). 

She stated she couldn't understand why I was upset and that she is his daughter. She also told him how I said to her that we are not on the same level, meaning wife and daughter.

Not to mention, she had her boyfriend sitting right there at the time (again, see my post about VD for details) 

She left out the important details! I was nicely explaining to her why things should have been different trying to get her to see the issue. Instead, she thinks being on the same playing field is normal. But I digress...

She significantly undermined her role in what happened to cause her ejection from our home, saying she would only forget things here and there because she's working so much. Ummmm....no....

She said that she doesn't understand why she had to be "babysat" when she wants to cook in the kitchen. I observe because she has made careless errors every single time. But, this is her manipulating again because she has cooked since without me being there. 

She talked about spending alone time with him, which is fine - NOT my fault!....

She brought up about him helping her financially and how I tell her no, and how I helped my son out though. 

Again, manipulation.  

My son asked for $100 until that Friday when he got paid, and he returned it to me. NOT the same as her asking her father, "Daddy, can I have $100 for a pair of sneakers?" "Daddy, can you pay for my college tuition which is over $4,000?" This just after us getting new windows in the house and furniture. We are not rich! Where are WE going to get that kind of money?! So, of course, my rebuttal was "NO." 

She also stated that she was getting these "micro-agressions" from me which isn't even the appropriate word because it makes no sense. Smh. She did mention me not speaking to her sometimes, using passive aggression, and that is true, because I'm fed-up and restricted on how I can speak with her. I shut down because she hasn't respected anything this far. But it is NOT my normal means of communicating. I tell things plainly. I'm not afraid to speak when needed, believe me. But, I've had to honor my husband in this way. I've already mentioned this to my husband and about how I am tired of it, especially in my own home, so, she couldn't win with that. 

I tell my H everything and over the course of the past 4 years, I've shared about every encounter with her, forwarding screenshots and photos as well, so that she could not succeed in "flipping the script."

He told her that they would talk more face-to- face, when he took her out to lunch on Wednesday. Remember, he doesn't know that I know what she said in the text. 

I asked him what was said and how did she own what she did. He said he told her that she would have to repair her relationship with me. That's all I got. He's supposed to tell me more concerning the IMPORTANT part, which is true accountability. I did tell him that after his brother's funeral, we are going to discuss when she will come and get the rest of her things, so that I can clean and refurnish the room into a guest room again. 

I feel she is a narcissist and possibly BPD. I do not know if I can ever trust her again. And I am PISSED that she embellished things of the past to fit her narrative. She is incredibly emotionally immature. There are many issues that I believe she needs therapy for.