SD is making things worse!
And it continues...
After getting in trouble for being involved in the thing dealing with her friend's naked picture (which my SD still says she had nothing to do with), SD has been causing hell at her house trying to make her mom kick her out so she can come back here, because her mom and step-dad said she couldn't move back in with us. So now, my husband's ex is REFUSING to pay for things my SD needs, though she is still getting child support from my husband! So, now, my husband had to drive down this evening and take my SD to go get dance shoes (which I didn't think she should have even been allowed back into dance, as it was this time last year that she got in trouble for having alcohol at school...supposedly a plan between several of the dancers to "ease their nerves" before recital). My husband has already paid the child support for the month (and a hefty amount at that, and his ex pitched a fit that she needs an increase, and if he didn't give it to her voluntarily, she was going to drag him into court), we pay for my SD's cell phone, we pay for my SD's insurance, we are getting stuck paying a nearly $1,000 hospital bill (yes, the WHOLE thing, not the 50% the divorce decree states), because she somehow got the hospital to hold my husband financially responsible, and if we don't pay it it is our credit (I still think that the step-father or someone forged my husband signature, because when I called the hospital on it, they pulled the records and said that my husband was the one that checked her in and signed for treatment, but my husband didn't even know about the visit until we got the bill...the visit was for a bruise...A BRUISE...because my SD fell in dance...so they went to the ER at 11 p.m. at night instead of putting ice on it and waiting it out until morning, because my SD was being such a drama queen about it).
Anyway...so now even MORE money is coming out of our pockets, because my SD is having her attitude because she doesn't like the punishment she is getting at mom's house for the trouble?
And get this...my SD has called my husband every night since the trouble in a panic over the possibility that the police may talk to her about the whole naked picture thing...because the school MUST report the incident to the authorities because it involved the distribution of child porn (as this picture was sent out to several folks in the school, and the girl in the picture is a minor). If they don't, the school can get in trouble. I keep thinking, if my SD is innocent as she says, why is she so worried about the cops getting involved, and why is she in such a hurry to move in with us, when the weekend just before the incident she was telling me she didn't want to move back into our house as she is looking forward to all the stuff she will do at her new high school next year (as she was telling me that her friends here were asking her if she was moving back). I can't help but feel like she is trying to run and hide from something!
Sorry for the rant again...I'm just at my wit's end, and tired of my DH always giving in! My SD already has dance shoes...hardly used dance shoes...but she can't find them, so now WE have to foot the cost of another pair, when the child shouldn't be in dance in the first place? Her grades are still sliding, she is still getting in trouble...and she is still allowed to be in dance? I'm shocked the school even still allows her to be in it! When I was in school, you got in trouble at school for the kinds of things she has, and you kissed your extra curricular stuff goodbye...they didn't want a kid who got in trouble all the time representing the school!
well i guess the bm has a
well i guess the bm has a reason to ground her and for this sd doesn't want to live with her. So sad...they both dh and bm need to respect into a comman ground for a punishment for this young lady!!! what is dh expecting his precious little princess is an angel. I don't understand why some bm only want money...thats all they want..i am a bm..he gives me 200 a month...i dont even care if gives me more or not..he can take it and shove it up his ****...
Botton line...she is being a spoiled brat and dh is given in like a whimp...such a turn off. don't you think? you what your dh to be a man a REAL MAN..not the kind that gets manipulated by a girl. I really don't have advise..i think i would go insane in your position
Your DH is a lot of the
Your DH is a lot of the problem. He needs to grow a backbone and get his balls out of BM and SD's purses.
There are plenty of things that could be done. Tell SD to ASK MOM whenever she wants something. How does he know that BM refuses to buy stuff? Because SD said so? She is obviously a liar. And kids are notorious for playing one household against another.
As far as the hospital thing, do what needs to be done to get the hospital to send you the paperwork with the signature. Then turn the SF in for fraud (possibly BM too?). Chances are nothing much will happen to him/them but it would DEFINITELY make them think twice in the future of doing that. Then, the next time you go to court, ask that the 50% BM owes gets paid back by less CS.
BM is using the threat of court to get what she wants. Do you guys even know what would happen? Google Child Support Calculator and punch in the numbers for the state who has jurisdiction. Sometimes, you would be surprised and CS might go DOWN. Then it would be in your DH's best interest (possibly) to take HER to court for an adjustment. Bring up the medical expenses at that time as well.
Many issues with my son were
Many issues with my son were caused by my exH constantly "rescuing" him from the logical consequences of his behavior. Your DH is setting his daughter up for a lot more misbehavior if she is not held accountable for the things she has already done. Put it to him that it HARMS her to constantly save her. How else is she going to learn limits?
If the divorce decree states 50% of the medical costs, your DH can take HER to court to recover half the money he paid. Ditto for the insurance premiums. Just file a simple "show cause" petition. No lawyer needed. Just receipts. And absolutely follow misSTEP's advice about the CS calculator. My DH now pays less than the divorce decree states, because BM tried to be greedy and lost big time when the numbers were actually calculated.
Here's the
Here's the problem...originally, child support was supposed to go through the courts...my husband would have to go pay it at the clerk's office, and then the clerk's office would process it and send the BM a check. Problem...this took too long to get the money, AND the BM didn't have a bank account, so she had to pay 1% to get the check cashed. She DEMANDED that my DH start paying her in cash! I told him that was stupid...that if she ever got a wild hair up her butt, she could take him to court and tell them that he never paid...her word against his, and he has no proof he paid...so the courts will hit him hard for back child support plus interest that he doesn't really owe because his ex decides to be a..... It has been that way for years, so now she knows she has him by the balls. It scares me to death that she will go to court anyway...because this is my household, too. Sure, she can't touch my assets or income, but I can't cover everything in this house alone...I already cover a greater percentage of it. My husband barely makes enough to cover his portion of the bills and his child support...I make more money than he does, and I have less bills, so technically, any money for extras, going to eat, movies, presents, etc. comes from me (my husband's car payment is 30% more than mine, he has loans for a butt load of dental work he had to have done, his child support, his credit cards, and then of course half of things like the mortgage, utilities, etc.). I have looked at the budget as DH and I have been pushed to the brink of divorce a couple of times already (and BM and SD have been big issues leading up to that point), and I can cover the house, utilities, my bills, and caring for my son without DH's income...his stuff I cannot cover...and I'll be darned if I'm going to get stuck covering his stuff because his ex decides she wants to be a _____ and DH ends up having to pay twice what he is already or starts getting his check garnished because of her. Stupid, stupid move on his part paying her in cash all these years...gave her leverage, and I tried to warn him!
And you are right...DH IS a big part of the problem...I've been telling him this for years! Every time I tell him he needs to put his foot down, I get the, "Sure, I'll do that...then I will never see my daughter again!" I also brought up the fact that the step-father or someone needs to be brought up on fraud for the hospital thing, but DH just said, "I'll just pay it and be done with it."
SD has always been able to bat her eyes and get what she wants with daddy! And yes, it is my SD saying that mom will not take her to get shoes...that mom told her, "Tell your dad to get you shoes...you don't even belong here, remember?" I keep trying to tell myself, only a few more years...and we don't have to give in to either of these manipulative females...but then than little voice tells me, "Yeah, right!" DH ALWAYS believes her, and when she is caught, it is a talk, no real punishment! After SD moved back to mom's at the beginning of this year, DH found out the REAL reason BM sent her to us in the first place...that SD was caught smoking pot. Oh, you fail to tell us this when you send her our way? This would be a nice thing to be made aware of. No, SD came here giving daddy the, "mommy and step-dad are so mean" story, an spent 4 months getting sympathy, while the whole time she's giving me attitude, and I'm getting yelled at by DH for putting the child in her place? Big reason I do not want her back in this house...she is two faced...so sweet and innocent when daddy is around, and when he isn't, it is like the devil takes over...arguing, talking back, rolling eyes, and then I get in trouble because she runs and tells daddy I scared her when I yelled at her, or texts her mom that I'm being a _______. At least my own kids I can smack (figuratively, though they have gotten their butts swatted when they were younger), but they know better than to pull that crap with me. Yeah, give me attitude...you don't need your phone (which I bought), or your car (oh, bought that, too), or even the privilege to watch MY TV!
@butterflybloom...my SD has a really bad attitude...with everyone besides daddy and grandma. I've seen it rear it's ugly head with me, so I can just imagine how it is at her mom's house! I can promise you, it isn't a case where my SD sits with her mom and tries to respectfully ask if she can move in with dad and give her clear reasons why it would be a good idea and mom overreacts...I'm sure it is more of SD screaming at her mom that she wants to go live with dad, and then the fireworks fly...because at the same time, BM does not want to give up her cash! If it wasn't about the money, then why even ask for money when she didn't have custody in the past, and why did she throw such a fit to get my SD to move back in with her the ONE time DH refused? Like you, I didn't get jack for child support after I divorced my ex...$100/month was what was ordered, and he always had excuses why he couldn't pay that. He finally disappeared, and DH adopted my kids. In the 11 years DH and I have been married (13 years that we have been together), I haven't gotten a dime of child support from my ex, and like you, I say he could take it and shove it! I always made sure I could take care of my kids myself.
This child has seriously
This child has seriously gotten on my last nerve this weekend! ALL day today, she has been in the front room blaring her music...supposedly working on her dance routine for school. Bad thing is, our home is open concept, so it was like she was in the same room with us the whole time. The louder her music got, the more DH turned up the TV...total noise pollution! Not once did he tell her to turn it down or take it to HER ROOM (which is plenty big enough to work on her dance if she cleans it up).
And also all day, I've had to be on her about policing her dishes. She has been leaving her dishes in the sink all day instead of putting them in the dishwasher. I am NOT your maid!
Oh, and get this...SD let BM use the laptop DH gave her for Christmas, and it got left laying around and her little half-brother destroyed it...didn't even have it four months! This isn't the first high-priced item that little brat has destroyed, as he also destroyed SD's iPod touch. BM and her husband refuse to pay to have these things repaired though their kid broke them...they think we should pay the repair because they were our gifts! So, DH just gives SD his tablet computer when he finds this out. Really?
I'm tired of her walking around this place like she owns it! I had studying to do (as I'm looking to a possible career change to a less stressful job), and I had to go to my bedroom and still had to put in earbuds to block out her music so I could concentrate. It's my house!
Then, she decides at 8:00 pm she wants to go stay the night with her cousin, so off DH goes to take her and gets upset with me because I don't want to go with! UGH!