It happened. She had the kid ask for money for car
SS15 recently obtained driving permit. Family member has a car for sale and will give a "good deal" to kid. Mom had kid ask dad for half when he came for Xmas break.
Backstory, my DH is still paying on the debt (retainers on CC, etc) from divorce from this woman who created a mockery of the justice system and has PAS'd his kids from day one.
Despite her best efforts there is a bond with kids.
DH sat SS down and explained he simply is tapped out. No retirement and less than 10 yrs till he could age wise. He was brutally honest about money with the kid. He didn't necessarily bad mouth mom but did explain how she dragged things out causing this massive amount of debt, doesn't pay her share of travel, etc.
I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, complete PAS or court proceedings for no reason but to milk him for more somehow.
The saddest part was the kid cried, not becuase of the money, but because he says he feels stuck in the middle. (Because he was made to relay the message by mom). DH hugged him and apologized if he ever made the kid feel this way. Kid says no, but he's so easily led by the nose, I can only imagine how the story gets retold to mom.
Anyway, just venting I suppose. Thanks for any words of advice/wisdom. I told DH kid needs some skin in the game too, he has lots of money saved and doesn't spend a dime.
Kid can pay half, BM can pay
Kid can pay half, BM can pay half. DH does not have the funds to contribute, period.
Next time DH needs to have
Next time DH needs to have the full meal deal financial analysis spread sheet to review with the Skid. With POS people like BM in the picture there is always a next time.
When my SD started returning home from SpermLand visitation upset that his three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas were starving because of the CS they had to lay for SS and how it was unfair SS had nice things and the younger half sibs didn't, etc............. We landed on the spreadsheet to keep SS abreast of the financial facts in an age appropriate manner for the remaining duration of the CO ..... and beyond.
Taking away the manipulative bullshit and replacing it with fact guts the ability of manipulative POS morons in the blended family opposition to keep using their same lies.
It also protects the kids from manipulation and teaches them to recognize when the toxic half of their gene pool is manipulating them.
I don't really understand the
I don't really understand the tendency in the USA to give cars to teens, we in the UK don't do it - you have to be 17 to drive, as well. My daughter saved up for a car from her earnings when she was 18, which is fine. Besides, the cost of insurance of a teenager to drive is prohibitive for most - here in the UK it costs £ thousands per year.
I agree that your DH should be open about his finances with a child in their middle teens - whether or not they cry, tough.
If kids don't have cars,
If kids don't have cars, parents have to drive them everywhere - there is zero public transportation in most suburban areas of the US, and even in some cities, it's poor. And you usually can't walk/bike to where you need to go. So any job, sports, etc - parents have to schlep them. It's just easier to get them a car.
Fine then, if you can afford
Fine then, if you can afford it. As I said, most people in the UK can't, we have much more expensive petrol - what you refer to as gas - than the USA. Also as I said, the cost of insurance of a teen is through the roof. Getting a teenager a new car, just seems to me to send the wrong message, but maybe that's a cultural difference.
Again, it's often less about
Again, it's often less about indulging than it is about parents being tired of driving them all around. Have you ever visited the US? Most cities are sprawling, with lots of people living on the outskirts where there is no public transportation. Where we live, it's close to the high school, so if SS had lived here full-time, he could have ridden his bike - but not to a job, and not in the sub-zero temperatures and blizzards. No public transportation.
It's a necessity, really, in most cases. Not all.
I was given a car when I was
I was given a car when I was 16, and my parents were thrilled to provide one. It meant they didn't have to scramble to find me rides to activities while they were at work. It meant I could drive my younger sister where she needed to be, get a job, and run errands for the household. We lived 6 miles from the high school and there is no public transportation within my town, so I had no way to get home from school if I had an activity afterwards. We lived a couple miles from stores where I could work - not an insurmountable issue in the summer months, but problematic when it was dark, cold and snowing.
Parents here buy kids cars for their own convenience. Kids can't always buy their own because it's hard to get to work without a car, and it's hard to get money without a job.
Independence & Freedom
... is what it's about. I could not WAIT to drive so I could control my own destiny rather than rely on others or public transit. At 16, I loved driving out to the coast at night to watch the wavebreaks under the stars in the otherwise total dark - nobody else wanted to do that. I was in cheer & swim team, wanted to get myself to practice & competitions. My car got me to school & to my jobs, allowing me to pay for gas, insurance, and my social life - NEVER asked parents for money or to buy my extracurricular sport stuff. When parties or other scenes becsme uncomfortable, no more waiting for a ride. I felt safer and freer having a car!
That life
Of course the kid disappointed but that's life though. Mummy and daddy cant buy everything. Kids have to learn at some point money doesnt grow on trees. And in adulthood everything is costly. If you want something you have to work for it. Us as parents dont say no to things because we dont care enough. We do it because we do care need to provide the more vital things in life like food shelter and warmth.
Good for your DH for saying
Good for your DH for saying NO. That is exactly what he should have said.
BM had SD approach DH in August asking for 1/2 the money for a car.....I was fuming that my DH even considered. It was a hell no from me......and would have been the final nail the coffin in blended life. SD was all mad....but oddly...here we are in January and she still doesn't have a license....so I'm not even sure how she would have driven that car she was begging for.
Over my dead body will DH contribute a dime toward a car for SD......after CS, half of medical, half of all "extras".....marital debt that BM stuck DH with.....I would like to know on what Planet BM is on to think that any more $$ will come that way. Hard no........if my DH were to actually help buy her a car...it had better be a van b/c he will be living in it.