Good visit...still skeptical
So EOW visit this past weekend went without incident with SD14. I can't help to still be skeptical and not ready to let my guard down. DH is thrilled that SD is behaving so well and is contributing that to new meds. I am happy that he is happy but I just can't believe that this will last very long. The track record is stacked against us.
I didn't talk SD unless she talked to me which DH took personal until I pointed out to him that she didn't speak to that much so don't expect me to talk to her. I truly think that DH believes that since we had 1 good weekend with SD that all is forgiven and we are 1 big happy family. I reminded DH that it's going to take many more good weekends for this to even begin.
I believe I am a good person and feel bad when I am not trying to be nice to others so not talking to SD makes me feel like I was being rude. I know on a logical level that it's not rude but it's hard for me not to talk to someone that I am sitting in a room with or having a meal with. I did crack and make a nice meal and a dessert on SD's last day which I immediately felt was not appreciated when SD did not thank me or acknowledge how hard I worked to make it while her & DH played a video game. I will not even think about doing this again.
DH did a pretty good job making sure things went well but again I am skeptical that this will continue. Especially if SD makes it look like that she is doing so well which I can't believe is genuine as her birthday is coming up soon and she knows what to do to get what she wants.
Just sitting back and waiting for the shit to hit the fan.
I was quite surprised that
I was quite surprised that there have been no comments to this post from over 24 hours ago so I went back to read the description for the forum to make sure this post was appropriate for this forum. The description reads "A forum to discuss the good, the bad and the ugly of having teenage stepchildre."
Now, I could tell myself a story that "the good" does not get as many, or in this insistence no, comments as the bad dies. Maybe it's just that this post did not warrant any comments as it could appear that everything is going pretty good and that's my mistake for added this topic expecting feedback.
Either way, I felt pretty bad that a post, in this case mine, had no comments so decided that I would ramble on just to get rid of the big fat zero.
I don't blame you for how you
I don't blame you for how you feel. It is smart of you to protect yourself. I also wouldn't go out of my way to talk to someone who wouldn't talk to me. I went through this with my adult SD. Here she was in my house, in front of DH, my 3 boys and my father, not talking or even acknowledging me but she talked to everyone else. I would try and ask her questions and I would get curt, one word answers. My father later asked me what was wrong with SD as he noticed she had a really bad attitude towards me. He also commented on how she ignored me. I had no idea what her problem was. I asked my DH and he told me I was being too sensitive, she didn't mean it, she's just tired, blah blah blah blah. I asked DH to ask SD if something was wrong. Of course, even though he wouldn't admit to it, he knew she was being rude; that's why he didn't want to ask her. When he did eventually ask, she told him she had a problem with me and "didn't like the way I operate".
Screw her, that was the last time she came over as she then started in on DH. It is for these reasons that I think you are doing the right thing.
As annoying as it is, I also understand why your DH was so thrilled after one good visit. He has hope. I am going through a similar issue with my 15 year old son. He had a bad attitude with me as a result of his father PASing against me. To this day I have no idea what he told my son. For the past 3 months, he's been treating me better, being friendly and respectful. I held on to every positive moment we would have as I was desperate for improvement. So I admit it, I am guilty of this too.
I hope this is a start for a new beginning for you and your family. Baby steps are ok to take. After all, it's better than nothing. I wish you luck and I hope that others will join in and respond to your post. Keep up the good work!
Amber
I sit through each meal at
I sit through each meal at the table with my SD14 not saying word. I talk to my husband - but she never addresses me and visa versa. Not the way I would want it - but I shall not be dragged into her manipulative ways. Don't be too hard on yourself - these girls just know how to play their dads.
Past behavior is the best
Past behavior is the best predictor of future performance. You are wise to take the "show me" approach over the long term rather than accepting one good Skid visit as the new norm.