Found Out From SD That DH UNLOCKED Her Phone!
When SD14 finally got out of bed today, she was beaming that her phone was finally unlocked. This is obviously the first I'm hearing of this!!! That means that DH unlocked her phone without even telling me. Now, I understand that he is the parent, but here is my problem...it has only been 2 months since the last time SD was caught smoking pot, and we know for a fact that there were certain "friends" who were older than SD14 who had cars..."friends" who were also in the pot circle. This means that during the day, I have to keep an extra eye on her if she is saying that she is going outside or whatever, because it is very possible that she is meeting up with these "friends"...and living out in the country, she could potentially disappear into the woods with these "friends" to stoke it up! What on earth was DH thinking? He seriously is too trusting...or, because SD14 hasn't been wanting to even stay at our house (has been spending most of her summer at her cousin's...always asking for "one more day"), and when she is here, she locks herself up in her room, DH is trying to butter up to her...
And just what I'm afraid of...already she is texting me that she is going to go outside, but promises that she will stay on the property, that she already texted DH and he said it was okay! She hasn't wanted to go outside any other day, and now that the phone is unlocked, she suddenly wants to go out? You know what...disengage! If she smokes again, it isn't my problem! Let her throw her life away, and let DH live with the fact that he did not parent the child! I know I don't have to worry about my son getting mixed up in the stuff...he has always been a leader, not a follower, and he surely will not follow some 14-year-old little punk! He knows he has a lot going for him...he has a great girlfriend, a good job, several colleges considering him to play ball, one of the potential best football seasons ahead that his high school has ever seen, amazing friends, etc. Not to mention, he is so fed up with SD14's crap and the stuff DH lets her get away with, that I can PROMISE you he will not hesitate to tell me anything he finds out or catches her doing, even if she begs him not to tell.
Oh, and I think the eating disorder crap has started again. Okay, so I've lost a ton of weight the last few years...5 years to be exact. I went from over 200 lbs. and a size 18 to 125 lbs and a size 2. I did this through lots of hard work, and completely changing my diet...I don't drink ANY sodas (diet or regular), don't use any sweeteners, say away from simple carbs (no white rice, potatoes, etc.), don't eat processed crap...I follow a very clean diet. SD14 has stated on many occasions that she is jealous that I'm a size 2 and she is a size 6. She doesn't want to do the exercise...sure, she will do some crunches, etc. but she will not engage in any kind of cardio, gets tired after walking one lap around the block. She also refuses to eat healthy stuff. She easily sees that I eat about 5 times a day and work out about 6 days a week. So, what she is seeing is that I didn't get where I am by starving myself.
Well, I've noticed since summer has started that when she is home, she hardly eats. I brought it up to DH yesterday, and he asked her, "What have you eaten today?" She stated that she had a bowl of cereal and a sandwich...that was it...and tried to say that she wasn't hungry at dinner. DH had to force her to eat dinner...some left over spaghetti we had (and I always make my spaghetti super meaty because that is the way DH likes it). It was a "fridge clean out night"...meaning, time to eat the leftovers before they go bad. She ate it, reluctantly, and afterwards, headed straight to the bathroom. She was later claiming that she didn't feel well, which prompted DH to try to explain to her that it is because she eats nothing but crap and isn't eating enough. Then, when she finally got up at noon this morning, she tried to have only Ramen for lunch (which is only like 150 calories), and I told her she had to also eat a sandwich...that she needed to eat some meat. She reluctantly agreed, but right after she ate lunch, straight to the bathroom she went, and she had her music blasting in there.
Again, I can't do anything or say anything! I've tried to bring these things up to DH multiple times, he will ask her, she says that she isn't purging, and that's that!
Here we go...the drama is about to begin full force, I'm certain! Wonder what will happen when the crap hits the fan?
I totally understand what you
I totally understand what you are saying!
Just because I work at home, I'm not this kid's babysitter! 14 should be old enough to know right from wrong, and if she gets herself into crap because she lies to us, oh well! Some may say that is quite the different tone out of me, but you know what, I'm done! I'm not spending any more money on this little punk, and if she gets into trouble, it is on DH's shoulders, NOT mine! Let BM try to blame me, and I will point out that I am merely a step-parent, and thus so, I have no rights...I raised my kids! She should have done the same! Yes, I will still demand that DH make sure the little punk doesn't run up the bills and cleans up after herself, because that does affect me directly. I shouldn't have to foot the bill for her to be wasteful, and I surely shouldn't have to clean up after her!
Just a couple of weeks ago, DH was talking that we need to start thinking about a graduation party for my son, as this is his senior year, and that we will also need to figure out SD's in a few years. As he was saying that, I found myself thinking, "That should be easy, because I serious doubt the little brat is going to graduate!" I know it is sad to think that, but I really do seriously doubt she will graduate! Oh, and she sometimes talks about when she gets a car in a couple of years...I want to just bust out laughing, because there is NO WAY I'm helping pay for her to drive! Sure, I helped my son get a car, but my son has never been in any serious trouble! Cut up in class a little when he was younger, but NEVER anything serious like...oh...let's see...DRUGS OR ALCOHOL!
I am truly at the point now that I feel like saying let her screw up her life...I'm done! And if she ever gets herself arrested, DH better figure out how to find bail money, because he is surely not taking it out of the household budget! It gets that far, she can stay herself in a juvenile center!
While I was cooking dinner, I
While I was cooking dinner, I could hear DH telling SD14 that her phone was only unlocked until 11 pm each day...that she shouldn't have any need to be on it after that hour. He also said that he was considering moving that up to 9 pm or 10 pm, as she should be showering and getting ready for bed at 9 pm. SD14 immediately started to have an attitude about this, trying to argue why she needed full phone access after 9 pm! DH sply said he hasn't decided yet, and SD14 went to her room, and has been in there since.
SD also hasn't eaten dinner...dinner was done an hour ago (healthy sausage, black beans, and rice). DH called SD14, and she never responded. I'm leaving it alone...if she doesn't eat, she doesn't eat! All she had today was Ramen and a ham sandwich, which I don't think she even kept down. It's DH's problem now. Pretty liberating!
Last night was very
Last night was very suspicious!
My son had already called us to let us know that he was going over to his friend's house after work. Around 10:30 p.m., the dog started barking repeatedly. Now, this dog doesn't bark unless she hears a strange noise that sounds like knocking, someone walking on the deck, or something of that nature. SD14 was still up when we went to bed, which isn't strange...she always stays up late. I just found it strange that the same day her phone is unlocked, that night, the dog goes crazy!! When I went out to check, SD14 was trying to tell the dog to shut up. I asked SD14 if she was making any noises in her room that sounded like knocking or something, and she claimed she was just sitting on her bed on her tablet, and she went back to her room. About 5 minutes after I went back to bed, the dog started in again! DH just brushed it off as the dog being stupid, and wouldn't go check for himself.
I can't brush the feeling that someone was hanging outside of SD14's window. When she was "outside" yesterday, she was out there for more than two hours...that was more than 2 hours in 100 degree heat, not coming in for water, and there is nothing to do on our property. I can't even say she stayed on the property...like I said, I'm not her babysitter, and I'm not going to keep interrupting my work to check that she is where she is supposed to be. Oh well...if DH isn't concerned, guess it doesn't matter! Right? May have to make a round around the property and make sure there aren't any cinder blocks or anything hidden, and if so, just make them disappear. Imagine her surprise if she snuck out, and couldn't find that thing she hid to help her get back through the window. LOL
Your name is cant keep doing
Your name is cant keep doing this...so why do you keep doing this.
First and foremost you will never "stop" a kid from being a kid, which I hate to tell everyone this means that more then likely they are going to smoke pot (at the least try it) drink and heaven forbid have sex.
If these are the only three things I have to deal with when it comes to my DD's I will be grateful.
As far as eating, unless you catch her purging or something of that nature she will eat when she is hungry.
She is 14 the same age as my DD's. I can assure you she will eat when she is hungry
If there is an eating
If there is an eating disorder, she will force herself to not eat, even if hungry. That is how these things work, and trust me, she is hardly eating. She will go all day without food, and then has to be forced to eat something for dinner (if DH realizes she hasn't eaten dinner yet), and will disappear to the bathroom immediately after finishing the meal! She will drink a ton of water...like she is trying to fill up her stomach to get rid of the feeling of hunger. As I mentioned in another post, she also has terrible bad breath most of the time...like, you can smell it if she is sitting in the backseat of the car talking kind of bad breath, and it doesn't seem to matter if she has recently brushed her teeth. Another symptom is that she is ALWAYS cold. Now, I get cold easily, but not like her. During the week day, the thermostat is set at 80. That is the way I programmed it before I started working from home to save electricity, and that temp doesn't bother me now that I'm working from home, so I leave it. I just wear shorts and camies and I'm fine. It will be 80 in the house, and SD14 is in long flannel PJ pants, a sweatshirt, and under a blanket saying that she is cold! It is one thing to be cold natured, but that is a bit excessive.
Being a kid does NOT have to mean that they have to try pot, drink alcohol, or have sex. If parents actually parent, these things wouldn't be commonplace. Yes, there will still be those who do it because they are too weak to push back on peer pressure, but there would be more that stand their ground on these things. We as parents shouldn't have to accept these things as "kids being kids", and if a parent finds that their teen is involved in this type of behavior, they should be a parent, not a spectator! SD14 hasn't had either of her parents actually be a parent! She gets talks, and her privs taken away for a SHORT period of time, but then all she had to do is bat her eyes, and dear daddy lets her have all of her accesses back without any supervision! Sorry, but if it were my child caught smoking pot and skipping school, she would NOT be getting full phone access back for quite some time, and the only computer/internet use she would get would be in public view of me so I could see what she was doing, and who she was talking to.
Why do I keep doing this? More like, I have to keep putting up with this. I've taken a step back from it all, but that doesn't mean I still don't need to vent! It kills me being a spectator when I see SD14 disrespecting the people of this household and walking around like she owns the place...thinking whatever she wants, dear daddy will just buy, and if she wants to spend her lunch budget buying all of her friends sno cones and stuff at school, that is okay, daddy will just put more money in her account. So, no, those aren't the only three things I have to deal with. I shouldn't have to take money out of the bank account and away from DH's access because he can't tell his little princess no when she breaks yet another electronic and thinks she deserves to have it repaired or replaced, or when she wants things she doesn't need...like guages for her ears! All the while, she will not clean up after herself, so forget asking her to do any chores! There are things that I still have to do, to protect what I work hard for, and to make sure that my son doesn't suffer because of SD14! It is his senior year...she is not taking from him the things that normally happen one's senior year...portraits, grad party, etc. You can be certain that SD14's senior year, should she make it that far, DH will EXPECT that his princess get the full treatment, so I should be allowed to expect the same for my son!
And Nanny cam outside if the
And Nanny cam outside if the dog continues to clue you in that or set up a noise making booby trap that cant be seen by the person at the window but will be heard clearly by you.
Funny...SD14 was at BM's last
Funny...SD14 was at BM's last night, and with everything going on outside, not a peep out of the dog. Makes me think even more that there was something up, because the dog was going nuts the night before. I know from times my son has brought some of his teammates home who we hadn't met yet, she barks at the mere sound of a voice she doesn't recognize, as she will start barking when she hears the guys talking on the porch before they even get into the house. My son was not home the night before last, as he already arranged to be at his friend's house, so that eliminates him or any of his friends from the equation, and he only brings one of two friends to the house at those hours, because they are kids we have known since they were all in elementary school together.
UPDATE.... SD14 when right
UPDATE....
SD14 when right back to her cousin's after visit at BM's...just got home yesterday evening. The whole time she was gone, not a peep out of the dog. Now it seems that DH thinks it is okay for SD14 to be hanging out outside unsupervised with some boy...a boy she claims is NOT her boyfriend, though she spends an awful lot of time talking to this kid! At least she says that DH knows and says it is okay...she texted me that she was going to go outside and hang out with him and that she already got the okay from DH. Leaving it alone! It will be interesting if the dog starts going crazy again tonight...but on the flip side...since BD22 took her bed with her when she left home, and we haven't bought a new one, BD22 will be bunking in SD14's room with her while she is visiting. Let's see what SD14 gets away with then! BD22 being in town means even more dogs, as she is bringing her two with her, that will alarm at anything they don't recognize...hehehe.