Attention seeking getting WORSE
Her behaviour (SD14) gets worse
We have the "cutting" that are ver light scratches on her arms that she is proudly displaying to all who want to see. Teachers getting invloved.
then we have petty little injuries at school - that she DEMANDS to be taken to hospital
Her Mum went spare, then SD was screaming and wailing at the fact she needed treatment. She was making out she couldnt open an eye - Drs found NOTHING wrong
Youve probably heard all this and been through it.
I am finding her impossible to like - i used to think we were ok - but now, god i cant stand her. She is a horrible person. Very bratty
on the flip side my SS (15) is lovely. Very kind, thoughtful and mortified at her behaviour
He said last night sometimes he hates her too.
We dont isolate her at all - but she makes this all very difficult.
She is creating dramas from nowhere and has latched on to other girls problems - girls who have had REAL tough times and i think she gets off on the drama of their lives
I dont know what to do anymore!!!
wow - i was hoping she would
wow - i was hoping she would grow out of this shit in a year!! christ
She plays my partner up loads. Puts MASSIVE guilt trips on her. Basically my partner suffered form depression 3 years ago, it was very tough time. The kids werent really aware too much, just that mum was pretty unhappy. So now, miss selfish is making out that that difficult time has "made her this way"
So, the guilt trips are there and she wins most times.
I can say very little - Im protective of my partner! she is my number one priority, but i have to tread really carefully with all this crap.
This is my first relationship with someone with kids - boy, its hard!
Couldn't agree with this post
Couldn't agree with this post more! SD14 is also one of these seeking attention wherever she can get it. She went through the cutting phase, she has already been caught smoking pot, she got caught with alcohol at school. Same thing when she gets hurt in any way...and that has been her whole life...she acts like it is life-threatening, needs to go the hospital, etc. The latter I blame BM for the most! We are still paying on a hospital bill that the step-father forged DH's name on and BM refuses to pay for half. I suspect they did this because DH finally had to put is foot down and say he refused to pay for 1/2 hospital bills that were things that BM should have waited until the next day and gone to a GP (which would have been a fraction of the cost of the ER). In that last case, SD14 took a fall dancing, and simply bruised her hip...she still had full range of motion, no swelling...but she played it up so bad that BM took her to the ER only to be told to give the girl some Advil and put ice on it! This was after $100's in x-rays and stuff. When SD14 was little, she fell and sprained her wrist, and walked around for 6 months (seriously) holding her wrist with her other hand saying she couldn't use it!
The latest is the eating disorder that everyone is turning a blind eye to. The signs are OBVIOUS...skips meals, when she does eat she immediately disappears to the bathroom, her hair is thinning, her skin is very shallow in tone like she has the flu, she is cold all the time even when others around her are in shorts and saying it is too warm, her breath stinks to high heaven all the time, etc. I've brought it up to DH, and so have others. He has a talk with her, asks if she is purging, she denies it, and he leaves it alone. He also refuses to make her eat right.
She also joins anything that she can that puts her on a stage. She has been in cheerleading, dance, choir, theater, and is currently in color guard. She is often in more than one of these things at any given time, making it so that it seems like every other weekend, she has another performance that everyone just has to be at!
SD14 has also been one to tell the lies you speak of, some of which have caused great pain to certain family members.
Sad thing is, the kid has always gotten plenty of attention...more than most kids do...yet it is never enough. If the world isn't revolving around her, she isn't happy.
I wish I could tell you how to handle it. For me, I just stepped away from it...I let DH deal with it all! He wants me to take her to the dentist, I told him it is his job...mainly, because I want him to be the one the dentist tells, "Her enamel is eroding! Is she purging?" She wants to join these 20 million things to get attention, he can taxi her around. Now that my son is done with football at a grade school level, if DH wants to drive to ALL the football games next season to watch SD14 in color guard, he's doing it alone. I'm still waiting for SD14 to throw a fit because we are going to be away on vacation (and she will be at my mother-in-law's) the day of the first winter guard performance! Sorry, vacation is paid for, and I'm not cancelling it! I'll go by myself if I have to!
Hang in there!
bathroom cameras
sneak the bathroom cameras somewhere so she can't see it and then determine if indeed she is purging
Bathroom microphones will
Bathroom microphones will catch purging without the sensitivities of a camera in the bathroom.
Look at her BM-that is
Look at her BM-that is exactly what she will become. If she hurts herself- pack her ass and take her to a clinic that deals with this that day! Let her parents pay for it, they created her! As for the drama, make a pact with SD15 and DH to Never ask of talk about her drama. If she starts talking, walk into the other room. If she screams, she's grounded until dinner. I'm feeling your pain! My SD11 is on that path!
Wow thanks for the reply.
Wow thanks for the reply. Seems you understand all this sh&it
It's damn hard. Ice had a weeken of her being all babyish about Xmas and acting all goody to mum. It's grating on me big time.
I'm barely talking to her. I just can't seem to move on as quick as My partner. I just don't forget as quick. Which I know is hard and not doing me any favours
This site helps. It's good to share
Funny how that is. I have the
Funny how that is. I have the same problem with DH! It is like he can just turn emotions on and off, and then expects me to just smile and get over things like he does! Sorry, doesn't work that way when you are being real!
Hang in there...we are always here to offer a listening ear. It is very tough when the bio parent refuses to see past the games of their precious children!
im trying to hang in there It
im trying to hang in there
It must be the biological thing - the forgiveness takes longer for me.
Mainly because she doesn't apologise for her behaviour - not genuinely anyway
just a little sarcastic "sorry"
grrrrrr
I never knew it would be so tough going!
IMHO, forgiveness is not a
IMHO, forgiveness is not a one and done thing. The perpetrator needs to earn it day in and day out forever. One slip, welcome to the shit puddle of living an unforgiven life of crap.
To adapt a philosophy, forgiveness does not mean unconditional acceptance of poor behavior.
I think we can start our own
I think we can start our own club! If we all lived in the same town, we could plan a night to get away from our skids.
In my case, I've always seemed to have this radar for people being fake, and this is one thing that is a huge pet peeve of mine! Just be real...be yourself! I don't care if it means you will not be the most popular girl in school...at least you can take pride in yourself knowing who you are and sticking to your own values in life. SD14 is one of the fakest people in the world! I've watched her turn into different people based on who is in the room...my guess is to gain full acceptance of everyone to get the things she wants. My MIL is around, SD14 turns into this super innocent Christian girl. With one group of friends, she tries to be the nerdy girl. With another group of friends, she tries to act all high society prep. Another group of friends, emo. Another group of friends, scene kid. Oh, and don't forget the fact that depending on the group of friends she is with or talking to, she is talking crap about the other groups of friends!
What I see, is the raw spoiled brat she is, because she has no act for me. She tried, but I saw through it, so now I just get the brunt of who she really is, because she knows it won't work. And because she can only keep up an act for so long, she is starting to show her true colors to DH. She used to be all innocent, daddy's girl around him...but that is when she only saw him on the weekends. Even when she got into her big trouble, she would lay on the charm while daddy took her to eat ice cream and talk, and had DH all convinced she was innocent or it wasn't her fault! The alcohol? She took it away from a friend and intended to pour it down the drain. The naked pictures of her friend that SD14 was accused of sending to the world? It wasn't her...she saw the pictures on a friend's phone and turned it in. The cutting, the sneaking out and smoking pot at NIGHT, the skipping to school to smoke pot? Oh, well that is all because her stepdad yelled at her and expected her to do dishes. Now that DH is her main caregiver, it is the "you are going to do this for me because you always do...and, no, I don't want to spend time with you...whatever" attitude! She still tries to turn on the charm when she asks dear sweet daddy for things (or in most cases, tells him).
This is why when she walks into a room, I can feel the hairs on my neck stand up and every muscle in my neck and shoulders tighten! I find myself thinking, "What now?" as in, what is she asking for, what does she "need" money for now, what lie is getting ready to get spewed all over my TV room?
We have the same SD! she has
We have the same SD!
she has such a vicious way with her mouth about relatives and is utterly scathing of her father - admittedly he is a bit of a dick! But i know this little madam is cruel about everyone in her life right now.
The cutting - mild scratches has evoked the attention she wanted.
i worry how shell be in a few years time and hope she grows the F up -
Yeah, i tend to stay out of the way if I can - i am even struggling to cope with the sound of her damn voice!
Hey, hey - Xmas soon!
It is not uncommon for kids to go through a chameleon phase
It is not uncommon for kids to go through a chameleon phase. Where they fib and make themeselves out to be something other than what they are depending on what group or person they are trying to impress.
I certainly had that phase. Until I realized reality was far more interesting than the bullshit. That was when I went into be decent to people and let the chips fall where they may. I was a blend. A leader, an honor student, and an athelete. That is what worked for me.
It has my entire adult life. With varrying degrees of success but never abject failure.
Regarding being a chameleon, I waffled for a while between high performance accademically, and failing. I worked harder to earn Fs than I ever worked to earn an A. That lightbulb moment was also a life changer.