Guys or women-sex questions please help me?
I'm happily married to a man who is a great & he is a loving husband. He has two teenage kids, I have no children, & we want a child together. Now he is fixed & we may or may not look into a reversal down the road. Our immediate issue is our current sex life. It would be normal but between his kids (when they are here) & my mother who lives with us, is killing it for us. My DH wants to make love & I don't understand why I just can't right now. Scared that I will push him away, do want the closeness, & I want to figure out what is stopping me. Think its for the reasons above but how do I know which one or ones? We started to get close again and that's when my mom moved back in. Its nonstop between her or his kids being here. We both feel mutual about that. Now my mom does not leave the house but once or twice a month & only for an hour or two. When we hint that she should go do something..she wigs! Like were telling her that shes unwanted & feels like shes intruding. She is only suppose to be with us for a couple of months then plans to move out of state & husband & I just want to bear through it for the time being. My mom has mental issues so husband & I more less walk on egg shells around her. So does his daughter but he handles her behavior by putting her to work. Very effective BTW. I tried to be honest with my mom when it was only her & I as my husband was at work, wow that was a bad day! She don't face problems but actually runs from them.
Guys or women, how long can a man be patient & have faith that all will get back to normal again? Do I just try to have sex even though I'm not in the mood with so much on the mind? I don't feel very proud when my mom keeps trying to change me cause I take after my dad & it pisses her off. I'm a woman & other women do not make sense to me. So its like having thoughts that men do (I grew up with mostly males mind you) yet the lack of a sex drive like some women & I don't understand myself there. Same emotions when his kids are here, we put sex on hold due to feelings of the stress. Even his drive goes down mostly when his kids are around.
Any of you guys dealing with this too? Maybe not your mother in law moving in & out but the kids & no sex life during the time when your or her kids are visiting. If yes, what have you tried & has it worked? Sorry not to go on & on but I really should add that we have the added problem of our sizes so it requires focusing on relaxing to actually fit each other without the pain. He is not exactly small & I am not exactly stretched so it just takes extra effort.
Danger Kitty has good advice.
Danger Kitty has good advice. Go to your room with hubby, close the door turn on music what ever you want to bring on the mood. You mentioned issues with your sizes, have you tried using lubrication? This will help things move more smoothly and may actually help with the mood. Make sure you buy a quality lubrication product preferably made with silicone (hopefully you are not allergic) not water. The silicone lasts much longer and will not become sticky during sex. Setting time aside for you two is important, even if the kids are there and so is your mother. The more you do it the likelyhood is the more you will want it!
Why are you not in love
Why are you not in love making mood? We sneak it in around 5 am when everyone is sleeping. No,it's not crazy monkey sex like it used to be, but it is loving and a great way of bonding for us. You can always have Mamma take the kids for a walk and you two get it on while they are out of the house. There are ways if you are really into each other.
If you don't feel it anymore, then it's time for some talks.
I'd just go for it too!
I'd just go for it too! Seriously, you are married and it's LEGAL! If anyone interrupts you the shame on them for their lack of consideration, right? Too bad if they see two people in love demonstrating their love for each other in the most enjoyable way ever.
Did you have all these
Did you have all these problems before you got married? Or is this a situation where your sex life had one dynamic prior to sealing the deal, and now is completely different?
The first step I would take
The first step I would take is to have an open honest talk with your husband. Tell him you love him and you really want to be in the mood for making love, but with all the distractions in the house right now, you are having a hard time relaxing and getting in the mood. Just having this talk might help you find the mood sooner rather than later.
I know my DW and I have gone through periods where she was stressed or uncomfortable about making love when her children or grandchildren were living with us, or even when her daughters were out of the house but having issues that were stressing her out.. When she was able to tell me that she really wanted to be in the mood but couldn't under the current circumstances, it made us both feel better and closer, and that was the first step for finding the mood again.
Wow first things first, if
Wow first things first, if your mother is gettin in the way of you and your husbands lives together she must go. Mental illness or not, is this fair to you or your dh? If there is no way u can get over the fact that your mom is there when u make love whih I don't blame u it is kinda weird! Then other living arrangements NEED to be made! You absolutely should not have to walk on egg shells in your own home that you pay for , mental illness or not. Not trying to sound mean but if anyone even my own family was gettin in the way of my happy marriage and sex life which face it is pretty damn important! Then that person needs to go , there are Judson homes and mental hospitals ect for ppl who need extra help where they live, I really hope u consider my words carefully , it won't get better and not to worry you I don't know your dh or anything but I hope he doesint get so horny that he turns to another woman because his sexual needs are not being met, I mean it happeneds! I hope for u he is honest and would never do such a thing but how do u to without sex in your own home? Would never happen in mine! Lol
Buy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Buy a bottle of Jack Daniels. Get them drunk or drink it yourself. Or both.
Some of the advice makes
Some of the advice makes makes sense, DH & I really appreciate the advice you share. To answer your question tweetybird74, no we have not tried that type of lubrication & do plan to now. It may help with that size problem that's unrelated to MIL & Skids. Tranquility, I do not know why I'm not in the mood but I'm thinking lilyflowerss1981 hit it head on! Not feeling sexy very well could be what its adding up to. These problems GoodbyeNormaJean started when his kids first came to live with us or maybe the move which occurred first.. so I dunno. We lived in a bigger town on the quieter side & use to have sex mostly outdoors. Moved here, neighbors are now really close so activities more less are inside now unless DH & I are out & about. Marriage seemed to bring us closer then came the others. I don't have the heart to boot my mom out & always tell myself that she is seeking a place of her own but living with a parent is really tough. She needs a place that she can call home & fall back on the way we would want if tables were turned. Her place had went up in a huge house fire along with my brother a few years back. This is where I think she lost her mind a little & the loss of her husband a year before the house fire from cancer. One way or another it will work out. This site is a huge start & for many people I imagine
first it is your house . you
first it is your house . you do not and should not walk on eggshells around your mom . second . you are grown adult husband and wife . you do not need to be mindful of your mother when you want to go to your room and have sex with your husband . third your mother is a guest in your home . if she does not respect that then she does not respect you and you need to tell her to go . you do not need to feel bad in any way for not letting her disrespect you , your home , and your family . if her issues stem from mental issues then she needs to either be put somewhere that is equipped to help her , or you need to stop being her daughter and start being her caregiver and get her the help she needs herself .
i know it is not as easy done as it is said , but that is really the honest and only way to fix your situation . you are not being mean , or cruel , or even wrong by standing up to your mother and taking control of your home . on the contrary you are doing the best thing for her .
and by all means get your husband , go to a nice restaurant , go to a dance club , have a couple drinks , play a little grab ass , smile , laugh , and then go to a hotel for a few hours and remind each other what it is like to be completely turned on .