Ty previous post - SS9 is a bit irritating
I'm just venting today, hopefully that's okay. I saw the previous post and was so shocked to see a recent post with the same feelings. I don't come on here often but in and out and I really need to read the others bc its helped me feel a bit sane.
SS9...ive known him since he was a baby. His mom has always been mentally unstable.. finally things seem to be catching up to her. If you know about narcs it's pretty obvious she's one and....hate to admit but her son is also. Well he has alot of traits of one. We were EOW but it's changed to us being primary as of 2021.
This past nearly 2 yrs has been....alot. idk whats going on lately but he is really getting under my skin alot lately. Idk if its been years of ignoring it to now being around him 247 and knowing very well he knows what he's doing. Any narcs in my life have been pretty much deleted to me. Including bm. She's still chaotic but it barely affects us bc she's so shut out now. But I cannot avoid SS9. And it seem my mind is having a hard time dealing with it..idk what to do. He is a bit covert. Dh sees some of it and it irritates him also and he calls him out on it.
What's worse ds7....copies everything ss9 does. It ends very quickly when I tell ds no way u are not copying ss9. And it stops. But lately I can barely hold back my irritation with ss. It's too much. It's daily at this point. How do you ignore this behavior or help it ease you mental? I'm home all day with our baby so I hear and see everything and I'm just very annoyed. Ds and ss have their arguments and I see ds having to deal with head games. I know I signed up for this...I had no idea it'd turn to this. There has to be some way to mentally get through this. Any tips of what you do thanks
What is SS doing?
Give some examples of what he's doing. We went from weekend visitation of 3 SKs to full time and it is the biggest adjustment ever. So your feelings are 100% normal.
Huge adjustment
Wow that is a huge adjustment with multiple kids! Are they all close in age?
An example would be Luke the last post when they pretend to not know anything. Hed ask me a question earlier in the day that I answer and later asks dh. That's a small one but it happened so often I'd just wonder why does he do that? He talks quietly to ds to tick him off and today I caught it. Wondered why ds would be so irritated over little things bc its nearly constant poking ss does. He talks back and overtalks me at times. Dh wants me to also gain control of issues and punish him bc he won't respect me if I hand everything over to dh like I've done before. When you're around them all day like during breaks etc it's true.
It's mainly little things piling up and bc its daily its just very annoying. Even smaller things bug me like blowing his food very loudly. Just seems everything he does he has to be the loudest. He has to be the winner of every game. It's just little things piled up bc its soo often. Can he just chill out and be quiet like the rest of us? Lol he can't change himself so I was wondering what I can do.
Today I ended up letting him cook with me. He's not annoying 247 and I don't want him to feel bad. I praise him on good grades and when he wins etc its just you ca. Imagine this type of kid will drag it and he's always competing with ds. I feel nitpicky after awhile so about 90% of this I say nothing. And sometimes I wonder if I'm tuned in too much. Maybe so, I'd like to not be its just been so constant. He's also sneaky and cheated in games. It's just so much.. dh ds and I are just laid back and this one kid is hype 247 seemingly wanting to be the loudest the best ever present always asking questions. It's not much I can do but just want to vent and hopefully find a way to deal with it where I'm not constantly annoyed by it. Obnoxious is a good one. He even admits to being doing deceitful when he says things aloud. All he does is like his mom so he can't help it. It's just uugghh sometimes
How is it with 3 skids full time now? How long has it been?
The 3SKs are in their50s,60s now Lol
My3SKs are in their 50s and 60s now but how vividly I remember the HUGE adjustment when they moved in with mine making 5 kids with 6 years from oldest to youngest. They moved in one at a time with OSS first, no big deal, an easygoing boy who liked me. SD was next, that's a whole different story but your SS reminds me of YSS who was 9 when he arrived. YSS was/is a very competitive person, now I realize that was to be expected with 2 older brothers and competing for DH's attention. But at the time, it drove me crazy, having to win everything, grabbing all attention possible.
YSS was just so different from me and mine. I put him in year round sports and he excelled but that took a huge effort on my part with all the practices and games. Im not athletic at all so it was a big, big, time suck but worth it. YSS was also DH's fave, you're lucky your DH sees your SS's flaws, my DH thought everything YSS did was funny. YSS also had a loyalty bind with BM.
I think when a SK moves in its like the birth of a child. Such a change in the family dynamic. I dont really have any advice. When YSS was a teen, I disengaged due to lack of DH support. YSS is now a very successful salesman and excellent father tho he's had some failures due to poor judgement. We have a mutually respectful relationship but aren't close. That's the best I could do but it's ok.
Thanks for sharing
Just sharing helps. It really does. It gives me hope. I see ss as an extension of dh and I love dh. I love ss and I really hope the best for him. I could see him being successful that way always having confidence and being competitive would help that. We may put the boys in sports in the spring. They seem to both need to get some air and space lol. And it sounds like u did a great job with all 5 of the kids. Bad to say internally it's interesting to imagine just dh and our kids knowing it'd be quiet and alot easier but idk I guess fate this is all meant for us. He's not terrible it can as u know drive us nuts at times in the moment. I was really about to lose my cool today but after seeing your reply and also when I got him to cook with me it helped calm me down a bit fortunately