BD is a total deadbeat & won't pay any support!!!
I don't know what to do here! My husband and I have been separated for nearly three years. The only reason we have not divorced is that we cannot afford it. Other than that we operate like a divorced couple (don't live together, he has our son every other weekend, etc.). The only thing we can't seem to get right is the darn child support. He has not paid a dime for support for his 9 year old son the entire time we've been separated! He keeps promising, saying he has to but then whining he can't afford it! I know that is total BS because he can afford to gamble, get hotel rooms, and has made decent amounts of money in his business that I have seen with my own two eyes! Just recently he went and got himself a rental for $1,000 per month yet still insists he had to 'borrow' the money and cannot afford to pay any support - not a damn dime. Every time I see him he has new clothes on, goes out to eat all the time, and when he has our son he takes him out to arcades, movies, mini golf and my son comes home with sometimes $50 toys! I've never with held our son from him and let him take the child pretty much whenever he wants to. At first I felt bad for him and cut him some slack because he was having some trouble with his business and such. Now I'm in a position where I certainly cannot take my son out to do fun things and can't even afford my own rent yet this jerk can put down $2K on a rent? I'm sorry I am livid! I've recently become unemployed & I've no idea how we will live! I know I should take him to court but I seriously cannot afford it (there is no support/custody order in place yet)...aside from that the jerk is self employed and will just lie (keeps awful records) and collect cash under the table making it look like he earns nothing.
I'm now starting to consider with holding visitation until he pays some support. I don't know what else to do and I don't even know if that will work! Let me also say, I've never done anything like that before and I'm not a money grabbing BM. If I didn't absolutely NEED the money in order to survive I wouldn't take a dime from that no good idiot - it would be easier for me not to and I guess that's why I've been so lenient about it over the last three years, but now, you know, I'm flat broke and in desperate need of help in supporting our son. Anyone been in this situation or have any ideas what so ever? I really need some help here with this. I can't go any longer supporting the child on my own while he sits back goes to the casinos takes my son out like good time charley and lives scott free while I'm practically homeless!!!
You absolutely need to get
You absolutely need to get him paying support. You can go to your state's attorney general's website and find information about enforcing child support there.
I do not suggest withholding visitation, though. Visitation and child support are two totally separate things. If you do that, you could be found in contempt of court.
It sounds like BD is a jerk!
It sounds like BD is a jerk! But I hate to tell you this, until you have a court order, he's not obligated to pay support.
Have you checked into legal aid in your area? They may be able to help you file for divorce/custody/support. Something to consider if you are struggling to pay the bills.
Best of luck.
Yes, I know I do have to take
Yes, I know I do have to take legal action. It's affording it that is the problem. The only reason we aren't divorced yet (we both obviously want it) is we cannot afford it. The issue is, though, even if I take him to court he will say he has no money and/or has made no money. He is in business for himself and does everything cash under the table so there is NO record. For all intents and purposes the courts would think him broke and unable to pay anything. On paper he shows zero income and now he's filing for disability. He tells me he has NO money but then I find out he had his sister list on eBay for him and made over $1,600 last week alone! I just feel like taking him to court would be a waste of time because he will show zero income...I'll waste all my time and money for nothing!
We did this to my SS's
We did this to my SS's SpermIdiot. He lives in a home owned by his parents .... rent free. His youngest three also out-of-wedlock spawn live with his parents who raise them with no help from the SpermIdiot and they pay the CS for my SS (his oldest).
They all shit a brick when we moved to have the SpermGrandParents income added to the SpermIdiots for calculation of CS since their income was primarily used to fulfill his obligations.
We did it in response to them requesting that my income be considered to lower BioDad's CS obligation.
The judge ruled that the the SGP's income could be used in the calculation of the SpermIdiot's CS obligation but chose not to use it.
Though their income was not used the ruling that it could was a big stick that we wielded as a threat every time they got shitty with us.
you're kind of between a rock
you're kind of between a rock and hard place here and your BD knows it. I do believe that he does have some guilt for not paying any support to you and he shows that by buying your son $50.00 toys, taking him to movies, eating out etc. He has probably justified his lack of CS in his head because after all, he is being a good dad and spending money on and time with his son.
I know you said that he is applying for disability... will he be applying for SS?? If so, your son would be entitled to SS benefits so that might be something you should check into.
Rather than no being able to
Rather than no being able to afford to file for divorce .... you can't afford not to IMHO.
As for not taking your XH for CS ..... CS is not for you, it is for your child who has every right to equitable access to the income of his father and his mother regardless of remarriage and second families on either or both sides.
You have the internet, download the divorce papers for your state and get them filed requesting emergency CS and alimony. That at least gets things rolling and puts you in a position of strength early in the divorce process.
Make sure to get copies of his business records so that you can counter any BS he tries to pull. No need to ask, if you get a chance …. just take them. It is better to get copies without his knowledge that way it is much easier to back the opposition in to a corner later.
When my XW divorced me having a complete set of her/our financial records and every other record that she had was a huge point of leverage for me.
She moved out with little notice, took only her clothes and told me she would be back for the rest of her stuff. I immediately went through everything she left and photocopied every scrap of paper she had filed including her diaries. I owned her ass after that. I could prove nearly every thing she said as a lie and had a bunch of stuff ready to enter in to public record if she forced my hand in court.
Once you get an emergency CS and hopefully alimony order then you can get an attorney. Or, find an attorney who will work for a percentage of the divorce settlement.
Regardless, file NOW!!!!!!!!!
Good luck.
GOOD advice. Thank you guys!
GOOD advice. Thank you guys! Yes, the issue where you said that BD probably has some guilt and that's why he buys the toys and takes our son out figuring he's being a good Dad. Sadly it's not that. He's a jerk...he buys my son these things and takes him all these places just to rub it into my face because my ex sees CS as money he's paying to ME and refuses to give me a dime. I've told him over and over it's NOT for me, it's for his son's living expenses but he still feels he's giving ME money - it's sick and he's a sick individual - a total Narcissist.
Anyway I think you are right and I have to find a way to file and get him to pay. I do try to get my hands on every record I can. I still have his email password so I check that regularly and have seen that he can afford to pay membership fees for adult and gambling websites and I see emails where people are paying him money, etc and I have copies of them all. Just wasn't sure I had a leg to stand on with that crap.
Actually I have to wonder if the ex doesn't suspect I'm going to do somehting soon. He came here this morning to get my son on the bus so I could go to work. Well I didn't tell him but I didn't have to actually work. I drove back to my house and he was inside, I think going through my things. He was on my computer and took (stole) one of my memory sticks. I have nothing to hide but my journal was up on my computer and now I'm worried what the heck he's doing behind my back. He literally broke into my house! I should have had him arrested but he claimed that our son forgot something he needed from school so he HAD to. I question that!