will it ever be ok?
DH and i are doing everything right. we are together, we talk, we are going to counseling. he is in charge of his daughter, im in charge of my son. we get to go on date nights ,we have fun, we gt the kids under control. i disengaged 5 months ago or so after many years of me trying to do everything...you all know the story....
from then on -with lots of help from the counselor- and because we love eachother we worked very hard
the problem is that SD 12 is a bitchling...and would do anything and everything to bring bad energy and shit to me and kiss ass attitute, and baby talk to daddy...it gets so frustrating!! she is the perfect little child in front of dad and then when he leaves or goes to the bathroom, she would say "fuck you" under her breath to me and all kinds of shitties. our counselor told me and DH that i cannot discipline Sd , so in some cases i go to DH and tell him "DS daid this or that" but it really feels stupid for me to go to my DH to tell on her !!!!
i have a strong personality so i have to just walk out of the room when she decides to huff "fuck you" under her breath...god it makes me crazy.
i adore my husband but this girl is a bit too dark for me. she is all manipulation. it makes me sick how smily and lovely she is in front of dad and then she gets all shitty and full of attitude the second he steps away. i dont want her around!!!
what do i do?
DH and i are really doing everything we can, i dont know what else to do. i just want her gone.
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Personally, although I have
Personally, although I have disengaged, this does not include taking abuse and saying nothing - I would not put up with that from my SDs and would certainly respond. How you do so is up to you, but I myself would fight dirty if necessary, with this little madam.
YES. That little girl would
YES. That little girl would be in for a rude awakening.
Now..... one part of me
Now..... one part of me would be utterly PISSED if I had to put up with that. But the other part of me would want to play the game. If my SK did that to me, I'd probably look child in the eye, laugh, and say "If you feel so strongly about it, why don't we have you repeat what you just said to me when Daaaaadddddddyyyyyyyy gets out of the bathroom?"
And you know what? I'd prolly say it loud enough so that Daddy in the Bathroom heard me.
Passive-aggressive? Yup, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.
I 100% agree with you. That
I 100% agree with you. That sounds like the perfect idea.
I agree with B22S22, my sd8
I agree with B22S22, my sd8 pulls the same crap ALL.THE.TIME. It drives me nuts! And it makes me feel like I'm going crazy! I've taken to talking louder when she's here. Just so fdh hears us arguing and comes to see what's going on.
thank you, i personally think
thank you, i personally think that it is so sad. when she treats me like that i do get mad, but the bottom line is that my family is not together and happy, that my hubby is torn and that im unhappy with all this. i dont see the solution, and it makes me so sad...i'll continue to put my energy on my biokid (a great kid) and in my marriage ( a great marriage :)), but i have to learn to look the other way on all this crap
Oh, please don't let her
Oh, please don't let her treat you this way. Do you even know how much this is going to escalate? If she gets away with that she is going to push even more. Would you let anyone else stranger or someone you know talk to you like this??? Then why let her??????
OMG! I am not even going to
OMG! I am not even going to post what I would do if a skid said fuck you to me. I wouldn't want it to be considered premeditated in court. I promise you that they would never do it again and they wouldn't be in my house. If SO dared say anything he can go too.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THAT CRAP.
Get a different therapist. That one is full of shit.
Me either, but I would go to
Me either, but I would go to jail with a smile on my face...There would not be a hair left on that head. Because I would snatch them bald. Truthfully I think my SO would beat me too it. I don't care if he heard it or not.
No one should live with that amount of disrespect from anyone, and not from a kid or skid.
A new therapist should be on the top of your list. I don't even want to think about how my therapist would react to that story.
Anyone the bio-parent of the
Anyone the bio-parent of the child that is being out of control? Lots of step-parents complaining about their step-kids but my DH is saying its my daughter. Anyone in the same situation as me? Anyone who actually admits to it being their kid? Anyone that has made it through it and how did you do it? How did you make the DH feel better?
Who's house is it? Yours, his
Who's house is it? Yours, his or both? I flat out told my DH I never wanted his worthless son24 in my house ever again. This was after he threatened my daughter with a knife and had to be brought home by the cops (drinking & fighting)at some ridiculous time of the a.m. for the millionth time. He was very physically violent and frankly, he scared me. Not much scares me, but he did.
i cant take it anymore, im
i cant take it anymore, im about to walk out into the night...Im so done that im really ready to walk on the love of my life because of this little bitch. she is a pain and it will only get worse. i want out!
Micro recorder on voice
Micro recorder on voice activation setting! Then when she pulls this crap and you bust her in the lip with the back of your hand you can re-play her crap to DH.
I would never tolerate that kind of lip from any kid particularly one that is mine (Step or Bio). BLAP!!!!!
Or even better, drip her drawers to bare kid ass and light her ass up with a belt. There is something rather magic about the connection that is made in a kid's mind when you tie their behavior to a nice warm stinging cherry red ass.
As for the idiot counselor who told you not to discipline a Skid .... find one who actually has something to offer rather than the usual drivel that comes from most of these idiot pseudo scientists who could not get a degree that would allow them to do something productive!!!!!
I for one insist on being an equity parent to any child living in my home regardless of their genetics. This includes full discipline execution.
With my SS -19 I have been his dad since he was 1yo. On the rare occassion that my wife took exception to how I disciplined my response evolved to "If you do not like how I discipine our son then you better step up and get it done before I have to!"
He really hated her stepping up. His mom is a far more stern disciplinarian than I have ever been and I have always considered mystelf to be a stern disciplinarian.
Just my thoughts and opinions of course.
It would be so hard not to
It would be so hard not to lash out in anger. Passive Aggression is so elusive and yet so damaging! I would so call her out every time (first you should probably leave the room so you don't kill her :). It's best to bring the passive into the active. Wow, my hats off to you! Sounds like you are doing a really good job.
Years ago, my friends' DS
Years ago, my friends' DS girlfriend (19)said "fuck you" under her breath at her. My friend is Latina and very hot tempered. Wrong move on the little bitches part! My friend put her hands on the girls upper arms and looked her square in the eyes with her own beautiful big brown eyes and said almost in a whisper, very slowly, "You don't want to say that to me because I'm LOCO". We still laugh about it! Her son is now 25 and happily married to a very sweet girl btw.
funny!!! im latina too and im
funny!!! im latina too and im really hot tempered too. so you can imagine how hard it is for me but i do answer versions of your story...my SD is not easily intimidated so i have to find very effective words "loco" will not work.
NOSTEPPINGSTONE has it down
NOSTEPPINGSTONE has it down perfect. I agree with her 100%
As for the advice of your counselor, I think common sense is in order... How are you supposed to be a happy family with so many things divided? In my household, we are one. My skids had a problem with this in the beginning, but they are in line now. You have to come together, have equal rights, and stay consistent. This will set boundaries and let her know what is expected of her. It is like... how can you blame her? She sees you two divided, different rules with different people. Plus she is 12 years old; if I could have gotten away with calling MY OWN mother a "fucking bitch" at that age I would. You need to make her respect you, and hubby needs to have your back. You need to be a united front to both of the kids.