Where from here
I have a long story and everywhere I posted I got flamed by people who didnt understand and judged me.
Here is goes. DF wasnt working at the time. He was attending a training in the evening. I work days and we have two LOs. DF goes behind my back and tells his ex that he will take their daughter and I WILL look after her while he is gone at night. He never discussed this with me. His ex works during the day and is off in the evenings but didnt want to be bothered with DSD.
I hit the roof and refused to do it. I was working all day to see my babies and he told her she could have a free pass. I asked him to work out an arragement that allowed us to ALL be together as a family. I asked him that since his training was tues thru friday to get DSD from Saturday to Monday so that he would be home. He wanted to leave her with me while. I was so angry.
He went off on me about how I am terrible for not letting them do what they wanted to do and not just allowing them to dictate the times.
We are currently working on meshing better as a family BUT Im still angry that he tried to pull that stunt in the first place. I think you all are the only ones who would understand that he should have made arrangments to have her on his days off.
I can't imagine anyone
I can't imagine anyone flamming you for feeling as you do. You didn't marry this guy to be a livein babysitter.
I certainly cannot respect mothers that are ok with pawning off their kids.
Oh Heck No! Even my exSO
Oh Heck No! Even my exSO KNEW that when he worked, his kids go back to BM! He knew better then to do something behind my back. That didn't stop BM asking me to watch her kids while SO was working so she could go out. NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! I did it once and I got burned.
I agree with the previous
I agree with the previous comments. What he did was totally out of order, and you of course said no way. I hope you gave him enough grief to make him think twice about pulling such a stunt again.
I didnt. To top things off. I
I didnt. To top things off. I worked and he wasnt. So when she dropped her off that put me on the hook for all of us.
I jsut wanted to come home and relax and then read LOs a story and go to bed. I didnt want to have to do homework, a meal and bedtime for an older child. GEEZ. Give me a break. I kept asking him to schedule his visits during HIS time off and he refused.
I got nasty and he said some evil things to me about how he shouldnt have to ask can she come over etc. He basically moved her in without asking me, wanted me to raise her and then got angry when I stood up for myself. It got ugly on both sides and I said "the two of you had her and the TWO of you are going to figure it out." It finally got to the "if she is here then you are here point"
Totally agree with everyone
Totally agree with everyone here, that would NEVER EVER work in my house. I would pack and leave the very same day she was suppose to come over for me to watch. Sometimes I get angry on the weekends when SKs are here and DH takes a nap and leaves me to care for them for 3 hours (I know that sounds awful but you don't know what they are like). You can't a moment of peace. He is awesome at handling his responsibilities because they are his kids not mine. If DH decides he wants to see kids for extra time, he better make sure he is available to interact. If not, its not doable. PERIOD
It had gotten
It had gotten soooooooooooooooooooooo ugly. I was so upset. Je kept making excuses for he like she has things she needed to do. Then I would say "where are her parents?, friends? relatives?" to help her out. He kept trying to push the whole seneiro. I stuck to my guns. I needed him to stop putting BM before me and schedule visits for when he was home. He had no right to make those types of arrangements without taking to first. I viewed it as a majoy breech in the area of respect. When I asked him why he said "we're married and if you were any kind of a wife you would have no problem taking care of DSD while Im in my training."
Im in the process of drafting a formal agreement that will outline how we will handle the kids from now on.
It got so ugly. I mean what
It got so ugly. I mean what type of a parent schedules his time with his kids for days and times when he is HOME! To make matters worse. BM lived blocks from daughters school. DH wasxs going there and bringing her to our house after school which I had NO problem with. I made sure they had snacks and it was no big deal as I was at work and he was home with her.
When he was getting ready for training which is NEAR BM home I asked him to take her to her mom for the evening so that she could get her ready for bed and take her to school. Instead he wanted me to look after her then wake up early to get my LOs ready so he could drop daughter at school that is blocks BLOCKS from BM. We are about 20 mintues away.
He said I was wrong. He was being a selfish bum and he was trying to dominate me!