In some ways it isn't any different than parenting bio children...we have them 24/7. However, you are probably in a big adjustment phase. It takes time for families to truly blend and often people give in to the very frustrations that you discuss. The feelings that you have a very common and justified...but hang there, it will get better with time, discussion, and much patience!

Blend our two families. We have five children between the two of us. Honestly the first six months I wasn't so sure we were going to make it. My kids are with us every other week, his kids from Wed-Sun morning every week. It was rough and there were times when I just had to get out of the house to keep sane.

After a while everything fell right into place. It does get easier and you learn to adjust your schedule so that you find time for each other as a couple- and you have to have time for each other as a couple. It's not optional. If you want your family to stay together you have to first have a stronge relationship with one another, otherwise it will just fall apart. Like a house there must be a solid foundation to stand on.

Somtimes we get a sitter to come sit with the kids once they've gone to bed. That gives us a little alone time together. It also helped us to get the kids to bed early enough for us to have some quiet time before we crashed( don't know if you are already doing that or not). Either way be patient and when you feel like your going to burst from the pressure take some deep breaths and remember that it will get better.

For one thing, over time it will get better, but you have to start to set some boundaries and consequences upfront now. Otherwise, they get used to bending the rules, so to say, and this is the beginning stages of manipulation. They will learn to push their boundaries, and if you don't push back on them, or stand firm at where you set them, you'll have the kids pinning this on that parent, and that on this parent, and then ultimately, all the parents are frustrated, trying to be the 'better' parent. And no one wants to be the 'bad one'. But that's just want they need- structure, stability, and nurturing. Be firmly consistant.

One thing that I suggest is set up a chore list, or goal chart. Something that allows the kids to have specific tasks to do, or have to 'pitch in' for 15-20 mintues per day while they are there for clean up... make it a game if you have to. How many dirty clothes can you get in the laundry basket in 3minutes, say... how many toys can we get in the toybox in 3 mins. So-and-so got the all time record last time, can we beat him? etc. It'll be positive and fun for them and they won't even realize that they are 'cleaning the house'.

Find out what it is that really motivates them... is it an allowance, is it spending a day at the movies? You have to find a reward system that works for you. Give them a specific goal to 'earn'. Then be sure to set up consequences for misbehavior and STICK TO IT. Be precise and blunt in what you expect and what will happen and don't deviate from it. So, if SS is crusing, besure to explain to him HOW unappropriate it is, you do not want him using those words, you expect him to NOT use those words and if he does, then this is the consequence... (I'm just using this as an example... bar of soap, hot sauce, whatever...) He will do it to get under your skin, but the best form of action is NOT to get emotional with it, but calm. Then follow through with the punishment. This goes for anything.

On top of that, you also have to greatly focus on POSITVE behavior at all times. Set up alone time, besure to TALK to them too. Give them ample time to be heard and REALLY listen to them. Let them know that you are listening to them, convey their feelings back to them so they know... yes, you heard them. Letting them just vent off frustration will go along way.

Second, it is very important that you keep focus on the bigger picture of things. It's important that you as a couple do have your time together. If you can, set regular and consistant bedtimes for the kids, and make the rest of the evening YOURS. Pretty much, my SS goes to bed by 9pm sharp. Otherwise, there would never be any time for us, otherwise. So believe me, my FAVORITE time of the day is... evening! My DH has to be in bed by 10pm, so that only leaves us with an hour, but at least it's something. That's our time to snuggle, or just have a glass of wine, margarita, whatever we feel like for the most part... but usually we just snuggle together, watch tv, or talk. We used to have a 'date night' pretty regularly, but now we really can't afford that much, and we just enjoy each other's company most at home, so we're pretty comfortable staying home watching a movie.

I suggest that you sit down with your DH and talk about it. You really need to sit him down and have a calm, rational discussion... take the emotion out of it if at all possible. DO NOT GET CONFRONTATIONAL. Just let him know how you feel. If things get heated, then it's time to back off, revisit at a later point in a later 'tactic', so to say. Sometimes, bio parents will get defensive without looking at the bigger picture of things and realizing you may be the 'unbiased' person who's viewing it from another angle.

It will settle down. But you do need to 'nip it in the bud', otherwise, this will be a nasty habit that eventually, everybody will be unhappy. Besure to take time out for yourself too! Go take a bubble bath when times get rough, and DH says... "They're just kids!" Okay than, you deal with it... and remove yourself from the situation when you feel overwhelmed. He may realize that once you 'disappear', oh... maybe this isn't good. You know? Don't know, but I know it worked great for me! After talking about it and not always getting anywhere, I'd 'disappear' for hours sometimes! lol. Got myself a good book, glass of wine, (sometimes the bottle) and some great smelling bubbles...ahhh. All I needed as a caban boy... lol. Shoot, I even hooked up our cable in the bedroom to a spliter, and have a line that I just unravel all the way to the bathroom that hook up to our travel tv, sat it on the toilet and watched my favorite shows while taking a bath! lol. Believe me- works great! Gave myself a manicure, pedicure, facial... you name it. FELT GREAT afterwards. lol. My DH actually got jealous because of it! lol... welll, dear, I did try to tell you... lol.