I have problems with my MIL. My DH's "kids" are almost 20, almost 21, and almost 24. The only time they contact him is when they want money or need something. They are terrible to him, actually mentally abusive. He cut the cash flow over 2 years ago, so now they just text and post Facebook stuff to make him feel bad. He has gone above and beyond to help them, and they want nothing to do with him. Nor do they want help. 2 have never worked and refuse to work, and one has only ever worked pt. They live with BM and BM's aunt in the aunt's house-the aunt supports them all.

The aunt's health is not great; it won't be long before she will not be able to work. When that happens, they will likely become homeless.

Enter MIL, and her newly found "return to Catholicism." She believes that the "kids" will wake up one day, find God, and until then, DH and I should support them. We "either need to allow them to move in or rent them an apartment."

We have a one bedroom home. Even if they were nice, we could not bring them here. We could never even remotely afford an apartment. And why the hell should we help people who only cause us pain and refuse to work or help themselves?

MIL is now the martyr who says if "we won't help, she will have to." They are awful to her, too, and have not seen her in years.

It is nuts. Your MIL is probably going to be like this for a long time. I have a family member who is obsessed with her grandkids. It is crazy. I would keep saying what you are saying and doing what you are doing. I told my MIL that we are not housing or supporting the "kids." She did not like it, but better to be honest than not.

Yes Yes Yes. I have two BM's. They leave their kids (and of course SO's) at my home whenever they want to go away, with girlfriends, new boyfriends - whatever. If we choose to go away without his 3 other children we are the worst in the world. Even when the kids have gone away with their mothers, we are not supposed to go anywhere without them. That's pretty much an opinion shared by all my inlaws and a reason why I don't speak to them much anymore. They are not logical in their thinking, but even reasoning with them gets me nowhere.

I will win this one for sure!! I have the in-laws from hell!

My first argument with my MIL was when my husband and I had just gotten an married and I asked what time she was planning on doing something with the kids on Christmas because my parents would like us to bring them over to their house for a little while on either Christmas or Christmas Eve. Well, that is all it took for WWIII to begin. She didn’t talk to us for like a year after that. These were HER grand-kids and they were not going to my parents house for even a little while on Christmas or Christmas eve.

Then when I got pregnant, my mom invited her to the baby shower. It was supposed to be a surprise for me and my mom told her to keep it a secret. Well, needless to say she was sure to tell me about it. Of course she did not come. Her excuse... she went out to eat instead. I honestly have no idea why she hates me so much.

Then there is my FIL. He is okay to hang out with, but he cheated on my MIL and left her for the other woman, so I hate to support that behavior no matter how unhappy you are. The OW is horrible as well.
They all favor the step kids over my kids, but I am okay with it. I really don’t like them taking my kids anyway. They are both alcoholics. ( Told you I’d win this one..lol)

If your in-laws are even a little normal, they should be able to understand that it is important for you to nourish your marriage for the sake of the SD. See the article at this link below. Of course, you want to put the child's NEEDS first, but all of her WANTS do not need to always come first. She has already endured one divorce, they do not need to experience another one. The best gift you can give your step-kids is a healthy marriage.

Have your husband remind the grandparents how important it is for the grandparents to have special time with the SD. They should enjoy having alone time with the child if they love her so much.

http://whatdivorcetaught.com/2011/06/05/why-a-child-centered-marriage-ca...

Wouldn't some reasonable and understanding inlaws make life a bit easier? Havind them be crackpots as well as the BM's Stepkids etc just adds to the difficulties of our situations.

OMG, well I told my MIL that we would be going out of town and that SD7 would be coming with us. She says, "Who are YOU to decide where she goes, you're not her mom." Right in front on SD7. Boy was I livid. Okay, since me and DH have been together for 5 years, then yeah, I do have a say so in what happens in her life whether MIL likes it or not. I don't have to get permission from anyone except her mother to go anywhere because if I'm going, then DH is going, and if he is going she is going. I grew up traveling and I also want my kids to travel, so I think its important that she see other places. Anyway, she goes on to say,"Why do u try to act like her mother? You're so bossy, why can't you just wait to you have your own kids?" Now for someone who has been trying to conceive that cut deep and made me go nuts. I had to tell her," So am I expected to be a big friend to this child? I refuse. Is she not expected to listen to any adult that is in her life? I thought so. And if I could have had a child by now don't you think I would? Like really, and her 2 daughters also had a step parent so I'm like don't be a hypocrite. It really sucks because when I do have children she wont get to be around them as much, not my fault that she thinks it ok to be rude, because as a result I wont be looking for her help or advice when I do have children. My mother is very supportive so...