It’s another, right?

My step-daughter’s getting married in July

The bridal shower – the maid of honor originally contacted me about planning, etc… I didn’t want to step on anyones toes, so I told her that I’d be happy to (anonymously) contribute, but did she talk to SD’s mom yet?
(“horseface” as DH calls her, is a recovering from drug and alcohol addiction, she is currently out of work living an hour and a half away and has no vehicle or drivers license)

I was torn, because I REALLY wanted to be involved in the shower plans, but knew that if the MOH and I made plans, that “horseface” would have her feelings hurt, and for the sake of my SD, don’t want that to be a problem

MOH came up with a cute idea, to send out recipe cards with the invitations, and ask the guests to bring their treasured family recipes to share as a part of each guests “gift” to the bride to be… sweet right?

Well, “Horseface” calls DH and tells him that she’s going to call his sisters and ask them for their Grandmothers and Mother’s recipes….
WTF?
What makes this even more crappy to me, is that when she left, she TOOK the recipe cards that belonged to DH’s mother (who’s passed on) the cards had Hand written “Grandmother” recipes on them, as well as some of her own

I’m PISSED…

DH called one of his sisters to give her a heads up and she said that she’d tell “horseface” to go pound salt… in a nice way

Then I get a text message from “Horseface” asking me if I could find one of DH’s mother’s recipes and give it to her
REALLY??? I texted back “I don’t think we have that one, sorry”
What the hell else am I gonna say?

It’s bad enough that I’m all up in the air (STILL) about what my “ROLE” is here… what am I going to wear? Where do I sit during the ceremony??

I feel guilty for being so “weird” about this… I’m bottling it up, because the last thing I want is there to be stress for my SD, she’s a great person and I just love her to death and I don’t want her to have any “weirdness” on her mind about the whole “step” thing

“horseface” also has tattoos, up and down her arms, shoulders and on her neck, so in order to cover some of these, she is getting the most heinous, matronly, inappropriate for July wedding, Mother of the Bride dress I’ve ever seen, it’s this ugly two tone dark taupe/grey/brown color with dark brown on the bottom…

And basically I’m feeling like I’m supposed to “wear beige and shut up” as the Step-Mom of the bride, I'm feeling like I don't really HAVE a role, that I'm SUPPOSED to just let the deadbeat Horseface flit around and be the doting "Mother of the Bride"
(gag)
she left her kids with my husband when they were all stil pretty young, SD was the oldest and she just got into high school... she used to try to tell SD how much she would like the new "Boyfriend"
how sick and twisted... but that's in the PAST... we have to let that stay there and let her SHINE as the clean/sober MOTHER OF THE BRIDE!!
(cough, cough, cough)

so, I found a really NICE dress, I think it’ll look good on me (I’m a size 12, some clothes just don’t look good on me, like they would on a thinner person) I can get it in ANY color I want, it’s a tea-length, which I think would be appropriate for ME to wear, (as Step-Mom) but it’s dressier than the full length thing that Horseface is wearing and I’m not SUPPOSED to be dressier, right?

Someone tell me to just let it go!... I know I’m supposed to just let it go, we cut the check, we went to the tastings, we gave our input on what we liked food wise and when SD asked us who the “Must haves” were for the invitations, we told her immediate family, beyond that it’s all up to you

talk me down off the crazy ledge, because I'm getting ready to jump in with both feet