How do I deal with a 6yr (spoilt) SD not wanting dad to have another baby
I have a Bio 6 year old and a SD 6 year old plus 2 SS (17 and 19).
Recently their dad and I have discussed having a child, we are both keen as age is getting away from us too (we are both 37). BD has been fine and is actually happy at the idea, SS were both ok too, SS17 saying he would be "chuffed to bits".
But, yesterday SD clung to her dad and said no!
I knew she would be a little jealous, as she was the youngest on her moms side until her aunt had another child, she didnt take to well to it although she is sort of ok with it now. However, BM is a really bad mother (shocking actually) so SD is spoilt rotten by her dad and dads side of the family, so I think she knows that if a baby comes along, she wont be the center anymore. BD settled well to be being in a "blended/step family", in fact all the kids did really, even SD, so I dont understand why my daughter didnt affect her being around her dad all the time, but a new baby would? Or have I got it right by saying she wants to keep the attention on her?
Ridiculous is all I can say
Ridiculous is all I can say that your partner asked PERMISSION from his kids. When he was married to their BM, did he asked each child permission before they made the next? I think not. Normally I would NEVER promote this, but all I can say is, Honey, have your baby. From what I've seen, it's what most women do to get what they want. Also, it will take the emphasis off the jealous and clingy SD6. My SO and I don't have a bio and at 48 it is too late. He wanted one. I thought we already had enough problems with his two messed up kids, his evil/psycho ex and most of all...my 3 lovelys did not deserve any more distractions. Now I wish we had the one that had a piece of each of us. I think a lot of women will say, that is so wrong, bad advice, but honey, there are no rights and wrongs in this whole stepfamily mess when you are just trying to live a whole life.
If the SD controls your uterus at the age of 6, you are fuc#ed!
yay.
yay.
My honest opinion... kids get
My honest opinion... kids get no say in their parents reproductive processes.
Ask your hubby if he realizes he just asked his six year old PERMISSION to have unprotected sex with you. See if that gets through his thick skull how stupid it was to ask a little kids permission for anything.
You don't deal with the 6
You don't deal with the 6 year old!!!!! You deal with your stupid ass DH.
Hi There, Thanks for your
Hi There, Thanks for your comment.
This is basically what we have done, although I spoke to my daughter and OH spoke to his kids (all separately). OH has told me to book my appointment to have my contraception removed still, so its not an issue that he doesnt want too.
But its put a dampner on things because he said "he would talk to her".
If she still has difficulties accepting things then I think it will alter my OH, she is his little girl (and we know what dads are like!).
My daughter is all for it....cant wait to help and watch them grow and "teach her things" *(as she said!).
Thankyou all for your
Thankyou all for your comments
Its seems to be a difficult subject!
SD mom is a failure in so many senses, but she was the youngest in the family on her moms side. She was constantly loved up and spoilt being the "baby". When her cousin was born, she didnt like it. She was still given attention, but obviously the family were all cooing over the new baby. She used to come to ours with stories about the new baby which did spark jealousy.
Ive been with my OH for nearly 4 years, and he has lived in my home with me and my daughter for 3 1/2 of those years. SD is with her mom. SD has never shown jealousy with my daughter being around her dad at all. We have gone on day trips and such without SD, and again she has never shown any form of jealousy. So I find it odd she would react the way she has.
She does enjoy being the center of attention, and loves to be spoilt (what little girl doesnt!). It has got to a point now that if I buy clothes, shoes etc for my daughter, she wants to know why she doesnt have them. I have to explain that its her mommy that buys her clothes, shoes etc and that I only get them as a treat every now n then. Or if I take my daughter somewhere, she wants to know why she didnt go. I had to buy my daughter a coat before Chrimbo, and SD was with me. So I bought the coat and SD went round the shop choosing what she would have. I told her that I wasnt buying her a coat, and she was not best pleased. So in the next shop we went too, I bought my daughter clothes and such again, but ened up buying something for SD to stop her going off on one! She has started to expect things all the time.
I do that most of the time
I do that most of the time now if im honest, but there are times when OH is called to work and Ive made the plans to go out so she has to come with us
So because she had been
So because she had been previously good natured about her dad living with another family, you expected her to not have strong feelings about a new baby?
In truth? No I didnt expect
In truth? No I didnt expect her to react as she did. She has never shown any jealousy towards my daughter, and she gets on really well with my OH. I thought it would be my daughter that would be unhappy as she had difficulties to begin with.
Yet it was the opposite. Even my OH didnt expect the reaction we had. SDs mom used my daughter as a weapon against her own daughter, telling her that "daddy didnt want her anymore cos he had another little girl to tuck up in bed", and such things. She even told her 17 yr old son that my daughter was their dads secret lovechild! Yet, even after that, she still showed no jealousy towards my daughter.
You are WAY over concerned
You are WAY over concerned about a 6 year old's opinion on your reproduction. Nice of you to care, but deal with it after the fact and teach the skid that it is what it is. Also, get used to the comments. Sounds like the ex is a psycho, and you are probably dealing with pas. If that is the case, it will only get worse.
Its not so much me that's
Its not so much me that's overly concerned, to me we should have gone ahead regardless...but OH was worried about how she would "feel".
Re the ex, there has been worse believe me! lol
I agree.....it wasnt my
I agree.....it wasnt my decision in the first place.
We are carrying on regardless anyway, both myself and OH want a child together and thats that.....I feel better being reassured by OH. SD will have to learn to deal with it, its that simple. There will be changes to lives, including hers, but as OH keeps telling me about my daughter "kids adapt", so she will just have to do that! She will have help.
We are not discussing anything with anyone, nobody knows (incl. Skids) if we are actually trying for a child, they only know we "thought" about it....the news will be broke IF I conceive and after the first trimester.
What's done is done and what
What's done is done and what has been said has been said so I won't comment on that. I would leave the topic alone for awhile until you actually get pregnant.
Once you get pregnant, if you want SD to be excited about the baby and you know her personality enjoys attention, make some of the baby stuff about her. Give her a special job- picking out the baby's first stuffed animal, helping pick the bedding for the nursery, etc. If she feels included rather than having the fear of being replaced it should smooth over the transition.
I think it is normal for a six year old child to have feelings about a new sibling.
Yuk. When DH and I decided to
Yuk. When DH and I decided to try for a 3rd, DS was 10 and DD was 7.We hadn't had any experience with this, since DS was only 2 when we got pregnant w/ older DD. They weren't brought into it until I was 3 months pregnant, then they were told mom was having a baby. It's gross to tell ANYONE your bedroom habits, let alone your kids! :sick:
Agree. I always thought it
Agree. I always thought it was funny when my brother and his wife would say they were "trying" whenever anyone asked about kids. One day I was like "you know you just told Grandma that you stopped "pulling out"" LOL GROSS! (My brother and I can joke with that kind of humor but I never heard him tell anyone they were "trying" again lol)
Right! Like a coffee out the
Right! Like a coffee out the nose snort.
Hi All, We have not discussed
Hi All,
We have not discussed our bedroom habits with anyone, just asked what they think about having another baby brother or sister...and as I said before, I wasnt overly pleased about the "water testing", but tried to understand. It was so that he could alleviate any concerns or questions they might (or might not of) had.
So now, an update!!
OH is VERY protective over his daughter, sometimes far too much, the reason he did what he did was because he didn't want his daughter to feel left out, pushed away etc or anything like that and he didn't want her to be jealous either, he wanted her to understand (being 6 obviously) that it made no difference to how he felt about her.
OH has been firm and told me to have my contraception removed!!! so I said "what if she doesn't come round to the idea?" to which he said.....it doesnt matter, "we will talk to her because she obviously doesn't understand"........he is standing by our decision to have another child, which Im so so pleased about, but now im worried about what the future holds regarding the SD!?
Scroll up to punkin_punkin
Scroll up to punkin_punkin 3/17 and move on.
Cor....how naive have I
Cor....how naive have I been!!!???? :jawdrop:
Thankyou all......looking forward to advice on the older "skids".....the stories I could say about them are endless
Hugs…I was you then, but
Hugs…I was you then, but something different now that time has passed….I need to focus on boards now on skids who need to transition from teens to adults and how to make sure they don't move in here. Looks like I'll be chatting with you on those boards too! If I sound harsh, it's just that I wish I had found my backbone much earlier and encourage you to not make my mistake of door matting it all the time.
Def believe you. Did u c
Def believe you. Did u c movie "We need to talk about kevin." That's "just" a movie, but real life is stranger than fiction.
I have got to the point now
I have got to the point now that if they come to MY home, I wont let them just walk in! lol
I live in a flat, so I have a security door with an intercom. Normally, if someone I know buzzes up, I answer, release the door then unlock my from door so they can just stroll in. Well, it p****d me off that the SS's should have any degree of my respect to be entitled to do after the destruction they had caused, so now I do the process all the same..............then leave them standing outside my from door for a few moments before I UNLOCK the door and I ALLOW access! Petty probably, but I dont care!!
I dont care if they dont feel welcome, its payback for making me feel like a spare part and disrespecting me and my daughter in MY home!