If SS behaves this poorly for you while DH is not home, you shouldn't be watching him. It's not fair to you, the other children in the home nor is it fair to the SS. Tell DH you're done caring for the child in DH's absence.

Whether Dh decides to pick child up after DH is home is something that has to be considered. If such an arrangement is selected than DH does the watching kid thing. If DH isn't doing anything about the nose bit and the other disgusting pickings/eating/smearing I'd have to ask, why? Has the child been seen by his dr lately and perhaps referred for an eval? I don't believe any child , regardless of how defiant, truly wishes to be in 'trouble' 24/7 for entire visitation. I'd suspect more is going on with the child and/or the situation than child just being an obnoxious dirty brat.

With that said, IMO locking a child who has just turned 7yrs old outside might not be the best thing to do. You didn't say, perhaps it was into a safe fenced backyard? I'd be afraid something would happen to child or he would wander away if I didn't know child was 100% safe and ok while left outside. You'd be in a world of trouble if anything happened to the child under your care while you deliberately locked him out.

Your Dh needs to come up with arrangements that releases you of having to be the one who deals with this child. If it means waiving visitation, so be it. It's wrong of DH to put you in this situation of caring for a child who punches and kicks you, won't listen too you blah blah.

Is the birthday party on one of the days/evenings that SS is scheduled to be there? If so, DH needs to let BM know SS won't be coming that evening/day. If that isn't workable than DH needs to take one on one time with his son and remove both of them for the duration of party so the day isn't ruined for the birthday child. Even if it's off to play at the park or a visit over to the grandparents or something. No, the idea wouldn't be to 'reward' a child who won't behave but to prevent the kid from ruining a party for the other child. If DH has to miss the other child's birthday party, that is unfortunate, but DH has choices. 1) hire a sitter away from home 2) take child off so child can't ruin party 3) waive visitation that day/evening 4)learn to parent his kid and set rules and expectations. What is not an acceptable option is to dump kid on you and make you deal with kid.

YOU LOCKED A 7 YEAR OLD OUT OF THE HOUSE?!?

Unbelievable. THAT is the way to parent. NOT.

If your DH isn't around, let the kid stay with his mother. Who probably doesn't treat him like shit.

NO ONE would be allowed to ruin MY kids' Bday. That's it. And better to put him in the backyard than hurt him! lol Don't watch him anymore when DH is not there. That could be a bad thing for you and your kids if he's a hitter/kicker etc.

Wow, peeps.. way to flip it on the smom and make her the villain..

Did some people not see that this kid is physically abusive to her? I'd lock his ass out too if he was coming after me. It didn't sound like she was cruel about it - she just separated him from the herd - which is exactly what she should have done and my own family pediatrician has told us to do that same thing with regards to our defiant ass clown stepson.

If it's not bitterly cold or blazingly hot and the kid is in no danger then what's the harm? Hopefully it sent a message.

My ss12 attempted to shit on my BD's birthday again this year - while my daughter was opening gifts he kept making dumb ass comments and then touching her stuff (they were all gathered around the table) and messing with it.. after asking him several times to stop, she said "please don't ruin my birthday" (he shit on her bday last year by being a jerk to her) and he says "it isn't your birthday, tomorrow is" - she replies "we are celebrating it today since we have school tomorrow, so please act like it is" - he replies "it's still NOT your birthday" and keeps saying it until DH grabs him and tells him to knock it off.. to which he still replies "it's NOT her birthday".. so DH walks him up to his room to be alone since he can't be around other people.. He got no cake and no ice cream.

I feel you on the whole not ruining my kids bday thing.. it's like you can only take so much shit yourself and when it starts to affect your child that's where you draw the line.. I've had my ss's crap on my birthday, mothers day and any other special time and I will be dammned if they do it to my kid.

No one shits on their days.. what gives them the right to shit on other people's special times?

This is the same kid that threw a fit on his bday because not enough people sang to him and watched him open gifts (immediate family did, extended family did not - they were busy visiting each other).. Oh, sorry... HE was the one that wanted to have it over a HOLIDAY WEEKEND while the inlaws were having a huge annual party.. threw a fit because we suggested he do it on a different day since we knew the focus wouldn't be 100% on him.. nope!

Regarding the other disgusting shit.. I deal with that as well.. my ss14 bites his fingernails and toenails and spits them out.. anywhere he chooses. It's freaking nasty when you go sit on the couch and find pieces of nails all over it. So, to get him back, since I have nicely asked him at least 20 times to not do this, I collect them in a tissue and put them on his pillow.. I told him if this doesn't cause him to knock it off, next place is his toothbrush.

While I applaud how you deal with SS unfortunately the authorities would not be supportive of it at all.

Now, unless you are in Delaware as a person acting in loco parentis you can blister his bare butt with a belt or paddle when he get intollerable.

So, I say light his ass up and don't lock him out of the house.

To understand the detail of how you can use corporal punishment take a look at this site to see what your state law on spanking has to say.

http://kidjacked.com/legal/spanking_law.asp