Does anyone have issues with their Skids lying all the time?
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DH and I are so fed up with SS' lying. Both DH and I are big on telling the truth and we both can't stand liars. SS hardly even sees BM because she only shows up whenever it's convenient for her, but just a few hours with her and he comes back lying about anything and everything. And he is SO good at it too. DH has tried to sit him down and explain to him why he needs to tell the truth and why it's bad to lie; that didn't work. He's tried punishing him by taking things away like iPad and tv time, and that didn't work either. Is this a common problem for a lot of step kids? Any solutions?
no only skids Hon, bio's as
no only skids Hon, bio's as well...... why... cause we lied to our children and we taught them to do it to us...
sad but it's true, kids can not see the difference between a little white lie to spare them disappointment and a blatant non-truth story.
CAn you give examples of what he fables about?
Could simply be to make himself feel better because BM is an idiot or it might be what she tells him, punishment will not work, you need a different approach, if you give examples, I can give you different approaches
How old is he? Lying is a
How old is he? Lying is a big part of development, so it might go on for a while.
What kind of lies does he tell? What is the situation at the time?
Both SDs lie. Most of the
Both SDs lie.
Most of the time it's little things here and there...and I usually know when they are doing it - most often SD12 when asked if she did something.
SD10 has lied to get out of admitting she did something wrong...i.e. she didn't break the towel bar in the bathroom or she didn't break the kitchen drawer. Even though I KNOW she did DH just doesn't want to press her on it. Told DH the next thing that's broken and neither SD fesses up I'm making BOTH of them help me fix it. So far, so good (almost a year now!).
SD10 also lies more when her TF (troublesome friend) is around. They are very good at being told NO to something, saying OK then doing it anyway or taking something out of the house (I suspect some of my missing glassware and dishes are due to this). So once they ask me something I follow up.
With no warning.
Example:
Caught TF kicking a ball inside SD10s bedroom (I opened door right when she kicked it, saw it bounce off ceiling near light fixture). Told both of them, "Do NOT kick balls inside the house, it can break something." Responses: Ok, we'll stop.
A few minutes later SD12 comes to me saying, "They are kicking the wall again and won't stop!"
So I go down, wait for it, hear the ball hit the wall, open the door, grab the ball and walk out with it. TF didn't get it back until she left.
Ramifications for actions.
If she does it again, I will confiscate all balls from house upon entry.
We have plenty of yard space.
I also talk about how bad lying is when it comes up in conversation and the lack of trust that happens as a result, esp. when SD10 is there.
oh, I've let DH know my
oh, I've let DH know my feelings about TF.
But he cannot say NO to the SDs!
I distrust this girl and SD10s attitude changes for the worse when she's been spending a lot of time with her but even if I say something about not wanting TF over or maybe SD10 can do something else, if SD10 whines enough, BOOM - TF appears.
I've overheard TF say, "...she's watching us..." when they were outside. I yelled down, "Yep, I am!"
She's also been caught taking things unasked from the house and THAT was a big blow up with her dad when DH checked her things before she left. (how dare you think my angel child is taking things...!)
She usually has a big bag with her when she comes over full of craft stuff or other misc. things.
Trust me, if I could limit it I would.
It will only take one broken window or ME catching her taking something from the house or back talk to me.
But I'm not the one transporting so it's difficult.
Oh we've discussed it and
Oh we've discussed it and come up with the above agreement.
I'm watching it like crazy, trust me.
The good thing is SD10 still listens to us, and me, and so long as that continues I'll accept it.
Yes we had issues, a lot of
Yes we had issues, a lot of issues with this subject.
How old is the child and what lies are being told.
"I did eat all my string beans", "I didn't get any spelling words this week" or "It wasn't my pot", or "YOU didn't tell me I had a curfew---"I didn't steal your cash in your wallet (and the web cam tells a different story)
I think it's important to
I think it's important to determine if the lying is of the bratty, garden variety that often presents in poorly parented kids, or if it stems from a darker psychological issue.
Remember, kids will lie if they feel it's worth the risk. Kids who continue to lie do so because the possible gain outweighs the possible punishment. So, it sounds like your DH has 1) Failed to instill a value system in his bios whereby they understand lying is wrong, 2) Failed to find a punishment that resonates, and 3) Failed to administer the punishment consistently.
Liars are the lowest of the low IMO. It's a character defect that will adversely affect a person in ways they can't even see. My DH and I have a zero tolerance policy on lying, and it's the main reason why YSD30 hasn't been allowed in our life for years.
How old is your SS? Depending on his age, your DH might have greater success if he taught his son about the importance of trust, and what life is like for people that aren't trustworthy. Also, you can't hand out a wimpy punishment for a serious offense. Lecturing and taking things away doesn't cut it in my book for such a serious offense. Physical and manual labor sound better to me.