I so understand the posts here, I too have been thru so much. Husband and I have togethr for 22 years and I can tell you what started as well intended has turned out with me being so angry at my husband for a lack of support, and I have cut my stepsons out of my life.

I am a "Rescuer," feeling capable of giving and caring, feeling like my involvement can make things better. I have been reading a great book that addresses Rescuers (or codependency). Some of you maybe able to indentify.

From the book, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie: "Many of us learned these things because when we were children, someone very important to us was unable to give us the love, approval, and emotional security we needed. So we've gone on about our lives the best way we could. Some of us are still beating our heads against the cement trying to get this love from people who, like Mother or Father, are unable to give what we need. The cycle repeats itself until it is interrupted and stopped. It's called unfinished business.

.....Our real needs don't get met. Our real needs become greater and so does our despair. We center our lives around this person, trying to protect our source of security and happiness. We forfeit our lives to do this. And we become angry at this person. We are being controlled by him or her. We are dependent on that person. We ultimately become angry and resentful at what we are dependent on and controlled by, because we have given our personal power and rights to that person.

......(the book says a codependent or rescuer has to learn this) I am responsible for myself. I am responsible for leading or not living my life. I am responsible for tending to my spiritual, my emotional, physical and financial well-being. I am responsible for identifying and meeting my needs. I am responsible for solving my problems or learning to live with those I cannot solve. I am responsible for my choices. I am responsible for setting and achieving my goals. I am responsible for what I give and receive. I am responsible for how much I enjoy life, for how much pleasure I find in daily activities. I am responsible for whom I love and how I choose to express this love. I am responsible for what I do to others and for what I allow others to do to me. I am responsible for my wants and desires. All of me, every aspect of my being, is important. I count for something. I matter. My feelings can be trusted. My thinking is appropriate. I value my wants and needs. I do not deserve and will not tolerate abuse or constant mistreatment. I have rights, and it is my responsibility to assert these rights. The decisions I make and the way I conduct myself will reflect my high self-esteem. My decisions will take into account my responsibilities to myself."

Isn't that powerful?